Joemala: Episode 46

by | Nov 3, 2021 | Joemala | 313 comments

 

Jen’s fingers slithered through Ukpi’s labia, seeking, seeking, seeking warmth and moisture.

“I want to take this mask off,” Jen said. “Why did I have to get COVID now, when I have found such sensuous lover?”

“I hope I didn’t give it to you,” Ukpi whispered through her mask.

“Nonsense,” Jen said, licking the girl’s small breasts through the mask.

“That feels weird, please stop.”

Jen groaned and then squeed in frustration. She spun the girl around, tore off her own mask and began to frantically tongue her puckered butthole.

“It can pass through anal contact, you know,” Ukpi said. “Remember when China wanted to screen with anal swabs?”

“Unh, uh,” Jen grunted before she broke off. “We’re both been vaccinated. We can’t pass it or catch it.”

“Then why did you test positive?” Ukpis asked, turning. She pushed Jen back on the bed and latched on to her pink clitoris like a remora.

“My filthy baby probably infected me,” Jen said, squirming, breathless, “Or my fat shit of a husband.”

Ukpi choked a little, coughed on Jen’s vulva, and went back to work.

“We can’t catch it,” Jen gasped. “We can’t catch it.”

“Yes, you can,” Ukpi said, looking up, her face glistening. “I’m not vaccinated.”

“What?” Jen said, scrambling up the bed to pull away.

“I had it already,” Ukpi said. “I have natural immunity.”

“Natural immunity?!?” Jen screeched “Th-there’s no such thing!”

“What are you talking about?” Ukpi stood at the end of the bed, resplendent, nude.

“No vaccination?” Jen said, grabbing a pillow to cover her pinkening shame. “No vaccination?!? How did they even let you in the building?!?”

“I filled out my vaccination card in Korean,” Ukpi said.

Jen gasped dramatically.

“Are we done here?” Ukpi asked, waving her hands at her smooth and hairless crotch.

“D-don’t touch me!” Jen screamed.

Ukpi sighed and picked through the clothes on the floor until she found her underpants and pulled them on.

“You’re one of those domestic terrorists,” Jen said, “You caused all the supply chain problems. You are going to make us cancel Thanksgiving! I’m ruined, I’m ruined!”

“I’m less likely to catch COVID and pass it to someone else than you,” Ukpi said, buttoning her shirt.

Jen screamed and covered her ears to drown her out.

Ukpi sighed. “I think you only really liked this because I was so servile.”

Jen’s eyes widened and she dove for her purse. “Unclean,” she chanted, “Unclean, unclean, unclean.”

Upki, dressed, sighed again and watched Jen fumble to get out a tub of hand sanitizer.

“You fired!” Jen said. “Fired!”

“You’re firing the intern you’ve been sleeping with?” Ukpi asked.

“I’m firing the North Korean spy sent here to kill the President of the United States!” Jen said.

“I was born in Denver,” Ukpi said, beginning to scroll through her phone. “You better get dressed, ma’am. Virginia just flipped red.”

“Impossible,” Jen muttered. “Unclean. Unclean. I’ll have to wake the President.”

Jen rubbed a handful of sanitizer all over her face and eyes and ears, keening as it burned. She ate another handful outright, gagging–slathering it on her breasts, her stomach, buttcheeks–pale skin going red. She tensed, slapped the last handful into her crotch, collapsed.

On the bedside table, Jen’s phone began to squawk, “CODE BROWN! CODE BROWN!”

“Oh, he’s awake,” Ukpi said.

Jen began to cry.

“I guess this is it, huh?” Upki asked.

“Unclean,” Jen blubbered.

Ukpi snorted in disgust. “It doesn’t actually smell like strawberries, you know,” she said and closed the door behind her.

“Forgive me, Joe. Forgive me,” Jen said into the filthy carpet of the White House intern rec room. “Forgive me.”

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SugarFree

SugarFree

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313 Comments

  1. db

    Glorious.

  2. Ed Wuncler

    “Ukpi snorted in disgust. “It doesn’t actually smell like strawberries, you know,” she said and closed the door behind her.”

    *chef’s kiss

  3. Rebel Scum

    Hawt.

    • Lackadaisical

      Yeah, it was getting good for once. and then it stopped it short.

      • Bobarian LMD

        But when you put hand sanitizer on your crotch, it will really bring it home.

  4. ron73440

    Ukpi snorted in disgust. “It doesn’t actually smell like strawberries, you know,”

    Almost choked on that one.

    • Surly Knott

      That’s what she said.
      /runs away sniggering

      • Surly Knott

        Too late. My body is a temple — old, crumbling, haunted, and assuredly cursed. The soul matches the carpet.

      • R.J.

        I may steal this line from you.

      • Surly Knott

        You’re more than welcome to. I lifted it off some rando on the book of faces.

    • SandMan

      #metoo!

  5. Swiss Servator

    Unclean? UNCLEAN!!!

    I read this and now I am unclean!

  6. juris imprudent

    If only we could share this with DU. Oh, what a psychotic break that would inflict.

  7. Ozymandias

    Oh. My. God.
    That train jumped the tracks and it was glorious.
    Holy shit, that was funny.

  8. ron73440

    Ukpi said, looking up, her face glistening.

    In high school, we referred to that as a face like a glazed doughnut.

  9. waffles

    “Unclean,” she chanted, “Unclean, unclean, unclean.”

    So say we all.

  10. The Late P Brooks

    Love is a fleeting diaphanous veil, shielding us from reality.

    • Ozymandias

      *chef’s kiss*

  11. Sean

    *unzips*

  12. Yusef drives a Kia

    I stopped after the first sentence, no thanks,
    *backs away slowly*

  13. EvilSheldon

    Well, that cheered me right up!

  14. The Late P Brooks

    “You better get dressed, ma’am. Virginia just flipped red.”

    White people voting for a black woman. How racist can this country get?

    • waffles

      Whiteness is no longer associated with skin color

      • The Other Kevin

        How fucked up is our country that this is reality? If you say anything against what white progressives say that makes you a white supremacist, even if you’re black.

      • Rebel Scum

        Sears is practically the Grand Cyclops of the KKK. It is known.

      • Compelled Speechless

        I thought John Goodman was the grand cyclops?!?!?

      • ron73440

        A while back I flipped through the channels and that movie was on.

        Thought to my self “This next part is funny, I’ll just watch that.”

        Repeated that a few times and ended up watching the whole thing for the 27th time.

        “My hair!”

      • Zwak, sensual panzer

        No, John Goodman is just a spear catcher.

      • EvilSheldon

        Yep. When they refer to ‘whiteness’ they really mean ‘being a decent person.’

      • Suthenboy

        It never was, they just did not explicitly say so.

        America is not a place. It is a set of ideas, ideas the left despises and they have a seething contempt for anyone who subscribes to those ideas.

      • R C Dean

        I think its a little more complicated than that.

        America is unquestionably a place, for some very important reasons. America is also made up of Americans, a “people” in some sense. Citizens are Americans. Illegals are not. Legal residents are in a gray zone, I think. A people is not merely a legal status, though, it also has to have some kind of shared culture/set of ideas. Which is why globalism is anathema to America.

        The globalist project is to eradicate “peoples” with shared sets of ideas – it is the opposite of the multiculturalism they spout (which is why they can never define multiculturalism as anything more than “cool restaurants”). The globalists certainly have their own shared culture, built around their wealth and their privilege, the damage they do to the various peoples they parasitize be damned.

  15. Spudalicious

    That was a special installment.

  16. Lackadaisical

    This was beautifully subversive, in all the good ways.

  17. Fourscore

    “I was born in Denver”

    Springsteen looks puzzled

    • juris imprudent
  18. The Late P Brooks

    “You’re firing the intern you’ve been sleeping with?” Ukpi asked.

    Thrust the knife in to the hilt, and TWIST!

    • juris imprudent

      I had a boss from Staten Island who was an interesting character. He could be abrasive as hell, but the one thing he would never do is knife you in the back (which was totally normal in that corporation). I always said it was because he wanted to see your face as he twisted the blade.

  19. R C Dean

    Jen’s fingers slithered through Ukpi’s labia

    Strong opening.

    “I filled out my vaccination card in Korean,” Ukpi said.

    But this is my fave.

    • Sean

      Strong opening.

      Kegels.

      • R C Dean

        Concur.

      • juris imprudent

        Yeah, you can imagine a female comedian “I was told I need a stronger opening, so I’ve been doing kegels.”

    • Ownbestenemy

      Yep was gonna post that

      How did they even let you in the building?!?”

      “I filled out my vaccination card in Korean,” Ukpi said.

      Wonderful

  20. DEG

    Hmm… Interesting twist.

    I see Jen seeing Ukpi as taboo and lusting after her, which Ukpi uses to her advantage.

    Or is that too obvious?

  21. R C Dean

    my fat shit of a husband

    He shoots, he scores!

    Its this kind of due diligence that I appreciate.

    • ron73440

      Another useless fuck with no career outside of politics.

    • Lackadaisical

      Heh, reading the story about how they met makes me question how far fetched the whole Hat and Hair universe is.

      “Mecher first met Psaki in 2006 when the pair were were both working with the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee.

      While pursing a career in Washington DC, he working as chief of staff for Congressman Steve Driehaus of Ohio and also chief of staff for Rep. Joe Kennedy III of Massachusetts.”
      Doesn’t specify her spot on the pecking order, but presumably below Mecher?

      “According to The Washington Post, instead of getting upset over the mishap he instantly forgave Psaki because he found her attractive.”
      Sounds like female privilege.

    • rhywun

      Oh Jen… that is so sad.

    • Ownbestenemy

      I’m not sure how they have a child cause I’m positive she does all the thrusting

      • EvilSheldon

        A little prostate massage and a squirting toy?

        Or, alternately, it’s not his kid.

        Pick your favorite.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        A lot of leather, some stilettos, a milking machine on loan from her cousin’s farm, and a turkey baster.

      • Bobarian LMD

        A turkey baster shaped like Kamala’s knuckles.

      • EvilSheldon

        I’m a little disturbed here, that a devout Christian and an admitted anarcho-hedonist have minds sharing the same gutter…

    • Draw Me Like One of Your Tulpae, Jack

      Oh sweet jeezus.

    • Jerms

      Agreed. I wonder if SF knew what her husband looked like of looked him up for the story.
      Love this shit. Thanks.

      • SugarFree

        I looked him up. Verisimilitude is the funniest type of insult.

  22. Rebel Scum

    Eat your heart.

    Hollywood celebrities let loose a collective wail of despair after Republicans won big in Tuesday’s election, with Glenn Youngkin handily beating former Gov. Terry McAuliffe (D) in the race for Virginia governor.

    There is an astounding amount of historical illiteracy and progjection. But such delicious, salty tears.

    • ron73440

      *Checks again*

      Yep, still don’t care what idiots think.

      • Lackadaisical

        Yeah, my IQ just dropped a few points. Never again.

      • EvilSheldon

        Nor I, but I do like hearing their insensiate wails of pain…

    • Lackadaisical

      former Gov. Terry McAuliffe (D)

      Isn’t he still the governor?

      • Rebel Scum

        Northam. Non-consecutive terms only.

      • Lackadaisical

        Ah, got it.

      • ron73440

        No, he was Governor before Northam, the current governor.

        In VA you can’t be governor for consecutive terms.

      • rhywun

        In NY the minimum seems to be three terms, barring a sex scandal.

      • Swiss Servator

        *nods sadly*

        /Client #9

    • rhywun

      I remember when celebs didn’t spend their off hours shitting on half their potential fan base.

    • Ed Wuncler

      When the Democrats win, it’s a victory for democracy and a mandate to spend a gazillion dollars. When the Republicans win it’s because of some grand conspiracy involving dark money to deceive the rubes into voting against their interests. And because they are racists.

  23. The Late P Brooks

    Eagerly awaiting a fusillade of “You may have eked out an electoral win, but don’t pretend you have a mandate!” articles from the usual suspects.

    • Nephilium

      But 48 Senators is proof of a strong mandate!

      • Ed Wuncler

        McCain when he went against his party or threw away what where suppose to be principles, was a Maverick. But if you go against the Dem Machine, you’re traitor and a piece of shit.

    • Suthenboy

      Response: “I am governor, you are not.”

      • Ted S.

        “Elections have consequences.”

  24. Aloysious

    Lesbian pr0n.

    Politics + theology = Cult of Covid.

    Fetish: submissive young asian wemons.

    Power dynamics between two people in a sexual relationship.

    I’m sure I missed something, but that was well done. Eating sanitizer is completely believable behavior for some of the Covid zealots. Bravo.

    • Nephilium

      Drinking sanitizer was also one of several “OMG look what the teenagers are doing now!” stories from the press. Surprisingly, it was cheaper for most of the hand sanitizers to use ethanol instead of methanol. They just thicken it and add scents to it.

    • Jerms

      I listened to a guy in an AA meeting say he used to drink hand sanitizer to get drunk all the time.

    • Ownbestenemy

      What can’t it do! We need a Billy Mays infomercial stat on its wonders for the everyday American household.

    • rhywun

      It’s a floor wax and a dessert topping.

      • Zwak, sensual panzer

        It slices, It dices, It juliannes!

    • Fourscore

      “Meth is a helluva drug”

  25. ron73440

    So, is Youngkin going to reverse any of the gun BS the last 2 governors have passed?

    No guns in state buildings, undoing state wide preemption and a few others I’m forgetting?

    • R C Dean

      Yeah, while its always nice to see some of the worst players on the stage get the hook, let’s not kid ourselves. My impression of Youngkin is that he’s a squish. I seriously doubt the “progress” of the last few years will be rolled back.

      My belief that we are ruled by a ruling class fronted by the TEAM BE RULED uniparty is unchanged. TEAM RED and TEAM BLUE are basically fundraising fronts, and elections are there to preserve the facade of legitimacy.

      Prove me wrong.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        It’s sport. Sure, each side would love to win every time they play, but at the end of the game they all shake hands, pat shoulders, and party together with their millions of dollars.

      • Plisade

        ^^^

      • Suthenboy

        “TEAM RED and TEAM BLUE are basically fundraising fronts”

        This.

        I still think term limits are a good idea.

      • juris imprudent

        I get the appeal, but you have to look at how that has worked (or more properly, failed) in practice: California.

    • rhywun

      Sounds like the perfect task for his lieutenant.

      • ron73440

        I think I would prefer it if she was the governor.

    • juris imprudent

      From the deadthread, ES and db were contemplating the joy it would bring to them if Youngkin shitcans the state dept of education. I can assure them both that any attempt to do so will be suspended by litigation from the federal dept of Ed. On what grounds you might ask – and I think you know the answer.

      • DEG

        You don’t have to go that way. State constitutions on education (trigger warning: PDF).

        Virginia’s:

        “The General Assembly shall provide for a system of free public elementary and
        secondary schools for all children of school age throughout the Commonwealth, and shall
        seek to ensure that an educational program of high quality is established and continually
        maintained.”
        “Standards of quality for the several school divisions shall be determined and prescribed
        from time to time by the Board of Education, subject to revision only by the General
        Assembly.”

      • EvilSheldon

        So close and lock the offices, send the workers home on unpaid leave, archive the servers and data buckets, and spin up a new state agency that handles education business, consisting of an email address and a voice mail box. While the feds are spinning their wheels figuring out a lawsuit, go through the former EdD. personnel and hire back the effective ones.

        If the feds order you to stop, you ignore them. They have no authority. If a judge issues a cease-and-desist, ignore it. The internal executive organization of the state government is not subject to judicial review.

        The point is to move fast and heavy, so that by the time the bueraucrats get their marching orders, the deed is already done.

        Trump didn’t understand the concept of acting at speed and scale, and that’s why he was a failure as a president. I have some hopes that Youngkin has a higher level of executive function.

      • R C Dean

        The point is to move fast and heavy, so that by the time the bueraucrats get their marching orders, the deed is already done.

        Good advice. The difficulty is that these agencies are so large and convoluted that moving fast and heavy requires at least some pubsecs to do your bidding.

      • juris imprudent

        Preliminary injunctions fly faster than executive memorandum.

      • EvilSheldon

        Nope. Because by the time the preliminary injunction *request* has been filed, the office locks have been changed, the employee email and Teams logins no longer work, and the VA Department of Education website redirects to the new VA Bureau of Scholastic Affairs website, with an Under Construction graphic and an email address as the sum total content.

        It’ll take the ‘crats days or weeks to figure out a response, and by that time you have the core of the replacement agency all set up and working. The schools and school boards will work with who answers the phone.

        Speed and scale.

      • juris imprudent

        Uh huh – that speed all effected by other bureaucrats. Keep dreaming.

      • Gustave Lytton

        And contempt of court citations can only be ignored by officials doing the right thing, like the DC jails commissar.

      • EvilSheldon

        Of course, you need to have some people in your corner who are equally committed to implementing your vision. But you wouldn’t need many, and they would ideally be complete outsiders, reporting directly to the executive office.

        Trump couldn’t identify or recruit people like that, which is another reason he constantly blew it.

  26. The Late P Brooks

    Wut?

    There is nothing it cannot do. NOTHING.

    Your children will be telekinetic dwarves, if you don’t get the vaxx.

    • R C Dean

      Is that supposed to make me want the vax? Because telekinetic dwarves sound pretty cool.

      • Nephilium

        The Mule was the only thing that could stop the great march of progress!

  27. Hyperion

    Holy shite!

  28. The Late P Brooks

    In VA you can’t be governor for consecutive terms.

    That only helps if you stop electing interchangeable party apparatchiks.

    Here’s hoping Youngkin really is a break in the chain.

    • R C Dean

      Yeah, it remains to be seen if Youngkin is just another interchangeable (uni)party apparatchik. I hope so, but I’m not optimistic.

    • Hyperion

      It would be disappointing if he turns out to be another Fatty Hogan. But if he doesn’t, it may at least stop so many NOVA residents from fleeing to other states.

    • R.J.

      Agreed. I am seeing a new type of Republican emerge. There are other examples. The party seems to be breaking out of the RINO mold and understanding what it must become. This is far from universal, but I believe it is a good sign. RINOs could never beat back the socialist menace. They just sat there. I suspect many of these new Republicans will not. We need them to step up because the democratic party is truly turning into marxists. There must be a counterbalance.

      • Hyperion

        “understanding what it must become”

      • Hyperion

        More libertarian. Like old Ron said so long ago. Classic liberals, not lefties.

      • R.J.

        Yes. I think it is happening. If not, I will just take some reciprocal antagonizing of the lefties, who have been total twats for quite some time.

      • R.J.

        Yes. Unlike previous years I do see that starting. Outside of Rand Paul.

      • juris imprudent

        Equally good, this transformation does not require more Trumpery.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        I’m as skeptical of this as I was of the Tea Party movement. Grifters gonna grift. Team Coward gonna be cowards.

      • Hyperion

        I think the Tea Party people were OK. It’s just that they got conned and co-opted by fakes like Little Marco and Eddie Munster. And they still did not learn anything because the ones I knew were going tall in for the likes of Christy and even Romney. And I’m thinking, well that was a wasted effort, they learned nothing.

      • juris imprudent

        Meh, the Tea Party also proclaimed “keep your govt hands off my Medicare”.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        That’s the point. As soon as something is detectable on the national stage, the skinsuiting has already started.

        Youngkin is going to be a squishy moderate GOP governor. Why? Because the gravy train ends if he strays too far. He could talk like the second coming of Ron Paul, and he’s still going to act like a grifter.

      • EvilSheldon

        Not trying to be an asshole here (really!) but you also were pretty confident that McAuliffe would run away with the election.

        I dig being realistic, but cynicism doesn’t help anything…

      • Ed Wuncler

        What I hope Youngkin takes away from his victory is that if you fight for what your constitutes want and are also willing to fight for your principles, it’ll always be a winner. Trump for all his bluster and incompetence showed future GOP candidates that unless you are willing to go toe to toe with the media and the Democrats along with addressing what needs to actually be done, you’re gonna get crushed by the establishment.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Yeah, I was wrong there. I thought they had enough in place in NoVa to make even an off cycle election not much of a challenge. Turns out the Loudoun County stuff actually pissed a bunch of people off. *shrug*

        I still hold to the fact that the GOP is garbage. Trump, the loudest mouth on the right in a generation, accomplished what? A few tax cuts. Some initial moves toward winding down Afghanistan. Rolling back the individual mandate.

        That’s piss poor performance for a guy who was heralded as being the guy to bring back conservatism because he wasn’t beholden to the machine. If he could only accomplish that pittance, what is some machine politician like Youngkin going to do?

        There may be short-term benefits on the 2A and masking and maybe even vax mandates, but I’m skeptical that this is any boon. All those Biden voters in NoVa didn’t just become constitutional conservatives.

      • juris imprudent

        Who in the fuck thought Trump was going to “bring back conservatism”? He was never any kind of conservative – well, maybe a conservative Democrat (if anyone but us geezers remember what those were like).

        Man talk about loading the poor bastard with an absolutely unrealistic expectation.

      • Hyperion

        I just didn’t see Trump as being really incompetent. Especially to the extent the media made him out to be. And even less so when compared to Biden. Trump’s biggest weakness to me, seemed to be his ability to surround himself with the worst people possible. Jeff Sessions and Bob Barr. I don’t even need to add to that list as it’s bad enough with only 2 entries.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Who in the fuck thought Trump was going to “bring back conservatism”?

        Millions of dumbasses who conflate loudly pwning the libs with actually accomplishing something.

        Trump was a fresh breath of air compared to the “civility” of Romney, McCain, Bush, Dole, and Bush, but that’s not saying much.

      • juris imprudent

        Millions of dumbasses who…

        Well, I don’t think they are much more use to the country than are the retard SJWs. Fucking idiocracy.

      • Zwak, sensual panzer

        Ed’s right. Trump, for all his flaws and warts, showed that if you get up and break through the media wall, mostly by speaking the language of the right, and not the language of the left, you can get out of the political ghetto.

        Whatever anyone says about him, good or bad, he recognized this, and those who don’t work that playbook will be failures.

      • juris imprudent

        We won’t know what Youngkin really is for a while. One can be optimistic or cynical – neither will affect what he ultimately is.

      • Hyperion

        Since VA is now mostly a deep blue state like MD now… I mean both suffer from terminal swamp overflow, I see him as probably being a squishy EC Republican, like Hogan.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        Since VA is now mostly a deep blue state like MD now

        Eh. Purple to bluish purple at worst.

  29. Hyperion

    I hear that TMITE is in full on meltdown. At least that is what the rumor is saying about what they are saying on SMITE.

    So, was McAuliffe the last of the Clintonistas?

    • juris imprudent

      The lull before the Chelsea.

      • Hyperion

        I just do not think she can resurrect the dinosaurs. She may not be as bad as Kamala, but who is? Not even her mum was that bad.

      • juris imprudent

        The sad truth is lots of Americans love political dynasties. I wish it weren’t so.

      • Hyperion

        It’s sort of like how the British love their royals, I guess.

  30. Hyperion

    I guess the dems also lost the House in VA. That was even more surprising to me now that the state is mostly controlled by swamp spillovers in NOVA.

  31. Sean

    Shenanigans.

    Lehigh County voters and candidates awakened Wednesday morning to election results that were different than late on election night when officials reported 100% of the vote had been counted.

    The change flipped the outcome of the Lehigh County executive race, putting incumbent Democrat Phillips Armstrong in the lead after it appeared Republican Glenn Eckhart had won Tuesday night. It also resulted in a race between the third- and fourth-place candidates for three Lehigh County judge seats that was too close to call.

    Northampton County vote totals were also updated after midnight, changing the outcome of the county council race.

    • juris imprudent

      And as I said earlier – Brobson was losing when I called it a night. So do shouts of shenanigans go both ways?

      • R C Dean

        You’re asking if the Dems are going to claim shenanigans on a race they lost? Really?

      • juris imprudent

        No, I wonder why no one here is calling shenanigans on Brobson – since the circumstances are identical.

      • R C Dean

        I didn’t see that race mentioned in the linked article.

      • juris imprudent

        Not in the context of the article, but in context of PA elections (which the Glib consensus was were hopelessly compromised/controlled by Democrats).

      • Sean

        since the circumstances are identical.

        Are they though?

        The link I provided says they were done counting.

        Then they “found” more.

      • juris imprudent

        And we have an Iowa Republican congress-critter under much the same circumstances. Not sure how the NY case worked out, but it was similar there too.

        I think we have too much willingness to accept malfeasance when incompetence is an adequate explanation. From that, it isn’t far into conspiracy theorizing – all predicated on the belief that things happen because someone is hidden from view and in control. Sheesh, that was exactly the Russian collusion story.

      • kinnath

        And we have an Iowa Republican congress-critter under much the same circumstances.

        Say what?

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        High stakes plus near-zero transparency breeds malfeasance, of at least the appearance thereof. Maude keeps winning bingo night at the senior center, ts just a streak of good luck. Maude keeps winning at the high stakes poker table and the pit boss pays a visit.

      • Raven Nation

        I would generally assume that any voting area which one party has controlled for any length of time has at least some measure of corruption/control whatever, simply because too many people have invested too much for it to change hands. Granted, some of those districts are overwhelmingly weighted one way or the other, but I’d be surprised if there were no shenanigans going on at all regardless of who is in charge.

        For example, Kansas-1 has been R for over 100 years and has huge margins of safety. Kansas may not be the best example b/c it’s so solidly R, but I’d guess the folks out in K1 could rustle up some votes if needed.

    • Hyperion

      Well, all of the votes were counted. But they found more. Oops.

      • Surly Knott

        Truer words were never posted.

    • waffles

      On the local NPR they aid they “found 2500 votes”. I didn’t know much about this election or where it was so it just sort of slipped past my mind. I guess they found some votes. I call shenanigans.

      • R C Dean

        I’m sure the chain of custody on those votes is air-tight.

        Who knows? They might be legit. These are pubsecs and volunteers running these elections, after all. Let’s hope the paperwork is reviewed very closely.

  32. Ownbestenemy

    Oh just heard…no reconsideration for religious accommodation if denied, no appeal. Fantastic.

    • R C Dean

      There’s plenty of lawyers out there who take wrongful termination cases, you know. A letter from one indicating he has reviewed your application and thinks it meets the legal standard might focus the minds of the review committee.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        I’m curious whatll happen when my company starts getting accommodation requests from legal followed shortly thereafter by demand letters from those lawyers’ law school buddies.

      • Nephilium

        Speaking of that… if need be, should I look for a lawyer operating out of my jurisdiction, or where my employer is based?

      • R C Dean

        I would say your jurisdiction. I’m no expert, but your claim arises where you are, so get a local lawyer. You’ll have state and federal claims.

      • Nephilium

        Thanks. Appreciate the non-legal advise from a lawyer who’s not my lawyer.

      • db

        the non-legal advise from guy who claims on the internet to be a lawyer who’s not my lawyer.

        No offense intended at all to anyone, but…

      • R C Dean

        Woof!

      • db

        On Glibs, nobody knows you’re a woman lawyer engineer Fed dog.

      • R C Dean

        Thank you, db. That’s what I was hoping for – someone to catch an olde time intertoobs reference.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Olde time??

        *returns to researching arthritis meds*

      • Gustave Lytton

        And a good local employment lawyer should tell/refer you if there’s some technical reason for filing in your employer’s HQ location.

    • Suthenboy

      What’s next? We have to wear our underwear on the outside of our clothes?
      If they get away with this shit it will be a circus of absurd edicts.

    • ron73440

      Why would they?

      They gave you the appearance of an accommodation, what else should they do?

      Snark aside, sorry about that.

    • DEG

      Ouch. Sorry.

  33. Suthenboy

    The whole thing was great but this got me – “CODE BROWN! CODE BROWN!”

    • R C Dean

      Hospital codes are pretty standardized. The official “code brown” is an external disaster. I can tell you the nurses call a code brown when somebody misses the bedpan, though.

      • rhywun

        Hey, I tried.

      • R.J.

        I don’t know how you add pictures. I made a special animated GIF for Code Brown, which was used daily when a certain person went to the bathroom at work. It is horrifying.

      • Ted S.

        I’m sorry they used CODE BROWN for you.

      • SugarFree

        Isn’t shitting your pants an external disaster?

      • Ownbestenemy

        Blowout is real

      • R C Dean

        Internal disaster – we fucked up the hospital.

        External disaster – somebody fucked up the world.

      • WTF

        Yep. My wife works in a hospital as a therapist, and “code brown” is what they call it when a patient shits themselves and the bed. I assume SugarFree is aware.

      • waffles

        SugarFree is, if anything, eminently aware.

    • Bobarian LMD

      “Oh, he’s awake.”

  34. juris imprudent

    Some depressing reading. We’re really doomed (as I am reminded of Millenium Challenge).

    • PutridMeat

      using a new battle structgure

      What, failed to address the US troops with their preferred pronouns and POUNCED when they curled up into a fetal position while calling for General Milley to comfort them?

      • DEG

        You beat me to it. I was going to say something similar, but not as funny as what you said.

    • Yusef drives a Kia

      Good on the UK for at least having such a force, losing to them? a harsh but needed lesson

      • juris imprudent

        Sadly, not a lesson that ANYONE in the U.S. military command structure will pay the slightest attention to. Maybe some O-5s and below will raise an eyebrow, but damn near every fucker from O-6 up will just yawn.

        Stop an exercise and get a reset? They should’ve been told to continue on and figure out how to not get totally annihilated.

    • Rebel Scum

      British troops used the exercise to trial the new Littoral Response Group (LRG) structure, around which the future commando force will be built.

      Americans apparently employed the Figurative Response Group structure.

      • Rebel Scum

        Lieutenant Colonel Andy Dow said: “Throughout this deployment our focus has been on integrating game-changing capabilities from across the commando force to deliver disproportionate effect in the face of a free-thinking peer adversary”

        Whereas the Americans were focused on repenting white-supremacy and keeping up with fellow soldiers ever-changing pronouns.

    • Plisade

      🙁

    • Trigger Hippie

      Meh. UK special forces troops against US regular light infantry. As I understand it, those types of games are set up to put US troops at a disadvantage against better trained troops on better terrain with a few other handicaps thrown in. I think the point is we’re supposed to lose those games and learn from them then work on the weaknesses revealed.

      • juris imprudent

        We don’t learn, that’s the problem.

      • Trigger Hippie

        While what the article describes is indeed an embarrassment I don’t think the insurgency scenario given there and what the most recent exercise is are exactly the same.

        The Brits seem to have been given the advantage from the get, which is the point, I believe. So while I understand that there appears to be rot in the command culture and low morale within the ranks I don’t necessarily believe the outcome of these games reflects that directly.

        Just my extremely uninformed opinion.

      • The Last American Hero

        Recon!!!!

  35. The Late P Brooks

    The soul matches the carpet.

    Squishy and sticky?

  36. The Late P Brooks

    The US forces asked for a “reset” half way into the five-day war fighting exercise, having suffered significant simulated casualties

    “NUTS.”

  37. The Late P Brooks

    British troops infiltrated the enemy’s rear area causing havoc by striking high value targets and command and control nodes, which paralysed any counterattack.

    Sounds like something Crazy Horse would do. That’s cultural appropriation!

    NOT FAIR.

    • Ownbestenemy

      So they employed a basic military maneuver that has been around for centuries and decimated us.

      • R C Dean

        I’m shocked that the Marines couldn’t maintain rear-echelon security. After decades of fighting in the Mid-East, you’d think it would be hard-wired.

      • Ownbestenemy

        They had to rip those wires out as they presented an idea of masculinity.

  38. LJW

    Men with ‘golden penis syndrome’ are ruining sex and dating for women

    “Men with college degrees have become so cocky that they’re ruining romance for their female counterparts, one “leading expert” alleges.”

    I propose a new theory. College educated women have become so insufferable that men ghost them because they don’t want to hear them talk.

    • Mojeaux

      I want to take umbridge at this but I cannot.

      • juris imprudent

        Sometimes it is good to be old.

    • SugarFree

      I wonder how horrified they’d be if you showed them how they just recreated the exact argument incel, MGTOW, and MRAs make. GPS is just Chad/Alpha, the girls are complaining about willingly being on the CC and how they keep dating guys that treat them like shit and going back for more.

      • Bobarian LMD

        Johnny Longtorso approved.

      • LJW

        Yup learned quickly stay away from the girls who just got out of a relationship with an asshole. Because sooner than later they will ghost you and go running back to that asshole.

      • Lackadaisical

        Show me on the doll where Chad touched you.

        “Men with ‘golden penis syndrome’ are ruining sex and dating for women”

        The only thing in common in your last three relationships is YOU.

      • Lackadaisical

        “[And] 1981 was the last time that four-year colleges in the US graduated more men than women. Ever since, women have been leaving men in the educational dust.”

        And my favorite meme:
        Men lack educational attainment, women and children most effected.

      • Gender Traitor

        ::frantically flips through Acronym-to-English dictionary:: Still stuck on MRA and CC.

      • Lackadaisical

        MRA = Men’s Rights Activist

        CC = *ahem* Cock Carousel, a term for the experience women get while dating repeatedly without settling down.

      • db

        “Cock Carousel”:

        Is that like this or like this?

      • db

        Or like this?

      • Lackadaisical

        Like this.

        Except replace the horses with ‘Chad’ and you start to get the idea.

      • Zwak, sensual panzer

        MRA = mens rights advocate.

        Not sure about CC.

      • SugarFree

        Sorry, I fully immerse myself in the lingo. I should have been more clear.

    • The Last American Hero

      Or they don’t want to get kicked out of school on a bogus rape charge after Susie retroactively withdraws consent.

  39. trshmnstr the terrible

    Some interesting vax charts in the same vein as yesterday’s article from PM. It looks like they’re using a different dataset because they’re able to break things down differently.

    Link

    • R C Dean

      Where age categories are narrower, 60-69, 70-79 and 80+, age confounding effects are somewhat mitigated, and the data suggest there’s lower all-cause mortality in vacced compared to unvacced in each of those age categories

      Of course, those are age cohorts most at risk from the ‘Vid, where vaccination would be most likely to reduce mortality from the ‘Vid and thus all-cause mortality. Those are also the age cohorts where the ‘Vid burned through the “dry tinder” and pulled deaths forward.

      • juris imprudent

        Pulled deaths forward, no, no, granny was going to live forever.

      • Lackadaisical

        Hm, Yeah. I see the problem if they have 10-59 all together. People aged 10-20 are going to have naturally lower mortality (AND lower vaccination rates) than 40-59. That could easily account for the apparent shift between the two groups

    • PutridMeat

      Exactly the sort of data I like to see spilling out into the public eye! Though why they only have a 10-59 age cohort broken out for young-uns is weird. But if we can start getting this sort of data on the regular, it will be hard to hide a negative all-cause mortality effect for any age cohort. Or provide some support for the position that vaccine harms are minimal and are outweighed by their positive impact.

  40. Hyperion

    I brought this up yesterday, but now that more facts are known.

    Henry Ruggs III was driving his Corvette at 157mph in a 45 mph zone in downtown LV. No wonder the other car exploded on impact. Jeebus, WTF? I guess he thought he was in a real life episode of GTA 5. BAC of .16. Well, I’ve certainly been more intoxicated than that, but I wasn’t driving a car 157mph at the time.

    • juris imprudent

      One and a half to two times the legal definition of DUI? I’m surprised he could get the key in the ignition.

      • Sensei

        These new cars basically drive themselves!

        Kidding aside I believe it was a new Corvette. If you’ve got the fob in your pocket you only have to stab at the big blurry start button.

      • Hyperion

        Well, they at least almost start themselves. I just push a button, that key thing is just some sort of ornament hanging from the fob.

      • Not Adahn

        How did they determine his BAC with all his blood being external?

      • Hyperion

        Barely hurt him. The Vette is unrecognizable. But he just scratched up his face and head a little, I guess from the airbags.

        I’m guessing he refused the breathalyzer so they hauled him to the hospital and drew blood.

        The other thing is, he’s a young elite athlete so he’s going to process that alcohol pretty quickly. And by the time they get him to the hospital and they actually draw blood, I’m guessing that shortly before the crash his BAC was a lot higher than .16, like at least .24.

      • Hyperion

        I can tell you just about how much alcohol it takes for the BAC level the unit is reading. My son-in-law sells the things, mostly to cops. Several times him and I tested some of the units during a night of drinking. So the avg size middle age guy, that’s me, will get about .02 for every 5% abv beer they can down in an hour. So if I down 6 beers in an hour, I can be over the legal limit, but probably not by much. .16 would take abound 8 beers in an hour for me to reach that level.

        You can get a lot drunker a lot faster with liquor of course.

        Youth, testosterone, millions of dollars, alcohol and fast sports cars are a potentially deadly combination as this incident proves.

    • R C Dean

      The dumbass killed somebody driving extremely recklessly. Jail it is, and rightly so. Has he been arrested yet? If not, why not?

      • Hyperion

        He’s in jail right now and his career is finished. He had a 16 million dollar contract with a 10 mil signing bonus. 22 years old. Had never been in trouble of any kind in his entire life.

      • Raven Nation

        This is the kind of event that I find difficult to come to a solid conclusion on. On the one hand, he’s out of control of a vehicle, driving recklessly, kills someone. Throw the book at him.

        OTOH, one mistake = life over? I’m not saying that shouldn’t be the case and I’m not defending Ruggs or people in similar situations.

        I just find the dichotomy hard to process.

      • db

        He made one mistake, and someone else’s life is over.

      • Raven Nation

        Like I said, I get that. I still find it hard.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        It wasn’t one mistake. It was a series of mistakes AND piss poor intentional decisions that all chained together, resulting in him killing somebody.

      • Lackadaisical

        It is showing a gross negligence (at best) towards the lives of others. The only way to combat that is serious penalties so the general public is safe and to help the criminal in question become a better person.

      • R C Dean

        His life is far from over. He banked that signing bonus, and will be out of jail at some point.

      • Zwak, sensual panzer

        The large print giveth and the small print taketh away.

        I wonder if the contract had some clause that makes it null and void if some dipshittery takes place.

      • Hyperion

        Well, it was an accident. But even being a star athlete, he’s still in big trouble for this one due to the speed and the alcohol.

        Check this out. This is the intersection where the accident happened. You can see Rainbow Blvd is 6 lanes, but right there is a 45mph zone. It’s a total residential area. He was apparently in the center lane and switched lanes to the right lane and the other bar probably turned out on the highway and didn’t see Ruggs because of the rate of speed he was going at. He probably tried to avoid it at the last moment, but couldn’t because of the speed.

        Rainbow and Spring Valley

      • Hyperion

        Arrgh the link was too long.

        Anyway Rainbow Blvd and Spring Valley PKWY South.

      • Suthenboy

        Easy to fix. He gets out of jail when he puts back what he took away. Conundrum solved.

      • kinnath

        Fuck his career.

        The answer is the same if he’s a 22 year old carpenter or basketball wizard.

        He was totally drunk and killed someone. Off to prison with the dude.

        Note, that I have argued for decades that drunk-driving laws are terrible and should be wiped off the books — no harm / no foul.

        But I am quite willing to put someone in prison for decades for getting shitfaced and killing someone with a car.

      • R C Dean

        Its the 157 mph in a city that’s the clincher for me.

      • Hyperion

        I get pissed off all the time here because I’m driving in a 45mph zone and people are whizzing past me at 70-80mph while changing 3 lanes and no turn signal.

      • Hyperion

        The other thing is that the guy could have left his car at the bar, called Uber and bought a new car and it wouldn’t have put a dent in his budget.

      • Hyperion

        I agree with RC Dean, 157mph in a 45 zone in a residential area is just insane, that’s enough criminal right there. I still feel sorry for him and his family.

  41. The Late P Brooks

    “Golden penis syndrome” has led these smug males to engage in dastardly dating practices, such as cheating and ghosting, because they’re confident that another woman will always be waiting around the corner.

    Girls will come and go. They’re just like streetcars.

    • Hyperion

      Except much more likely to go off the rails.

  42. KSuellington

    “ She pushed Jen back on the bed and latched on to her pink clitoris like a remora.”

    I enjoy my lesbian smut erudite like that. Thanks.

  43. The Late P Brooks

    Of course, those are age cohorts most at risk from the ‘Vid, where vaccination would be most likely to reduce mortality from the ‘Vid and thus all-cause mortality. Those are also the age cohorts where the ‘Vid burned through the “dry tinder” and pulled deaths forward.

    Are you kidding? Every single one of those people classified as having died -of- the plague would still be alive today in its absence.

    Oh, the humanity!

  44. Nephilium

    It is the year 2021, and people still are confused by telephones.

    Conferencing is not the same thing as a warm transfer!

    • Timeloose

      Hello Neph,

      I have some news. My booking agent is going to have the Rev play a solo gig at a local club next year. It will be on a Sat. in late May looks like it is locked as of today. We are working to put together a few supporting acts.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H96XcNWKZVg

      • Nephilium

        Appreciate the heads up… I’ll be up for it. No more concerts for me here locally as they’ve all decided to require proof of vaccination or a negative test for admittance.

      • DEG

        The Reverand Horton Heat is coming to NEPA? Oh yeah.

      • Timeloose

        Soon to be announced….Still not.

    • DEG

      Conferencing is not the same thing as a warm transfer!

      These euphemisms.

  45. Scruffy Nerfherder

    I suddenly feel a need to go to confession and I’m not Catholic.

    • Nephilium

      “Father… I’m telling everyone about it!”

      /punchline to an old joke

  46. J. Frank Parnell

    “I had it already,” Ukpi said. “I have natural immunity.”

    “Natural immunity?!?” Jen screeched “Th-there’s no such thing!”

    OK, serious question here because I’m totally ignorant about this. Was it common pre-covid to refer to “I got sick and recovered and now I won’t get sick with that again” as “Natural Immunity”?

    I can’t remember hearing the term before this, and it seems to be used by the IFLS crowd to imply that people are using prayer or herbal remedies or some crap instead of our Wonderful Scientific Vaccines of Science.

    • Urthona

      Yeah it’s just immunity. Not natural immunity.

      • R C Dean

        The “natural” was added because, due to the ‘Vid panic and vaccine pressure/mandates, there was a need to distinguish it from the protection you get from the vaccine.

      • J. Frank Parnell

        ‘Immunity due to prior infection’ would be more accurate, though.

        i just feel like the IFLS crowd has really latched on the the word ‘Natural’ so they can say ‘lol Appeal to Nature fallacy your argument is debunked, get the vax’.

      • R C Dean

        For extra added irony, the IFLS crowd is also likely to be all for “natural”/”organic” in every other topic.

      • trshmnstr the terrible

        ‘lol Appeal to Nature fallacy your argument is debunked, get the vax’.

        “come and make me, I dare you”

      • R C Dean

        My t-shirt was a hit at Front Sight.

      • kinnath

        I don’t remember what the shirt said. Reminder please.

      • R C Dean

        Its trshy’s avatar pic.

        “Come and Make Me” under a syringe.

      • kinnath

        thanks. Great shirt.

      • R.J.

        Synthetic immunity? Immunity job? Like a boob job? Vs. Big Natural immunities?

    • Zwak, sensual panzer

      Think Chickenpox parties when you were a kid.

    • Fatty Bolger

      It’s a real term that predates the pandemic. It’s immunity to disease innately present or acquired through natural processes.

    • grrizzly

      Given that people got sick with the flu and a common cold again and again, it didn’t make sense to claim that those who recovered from these diseases now had any kind of immunity.

      • Lackadaisical

        Yeah, but those are typically different variants of those diseases infecting them.

        We also don’t bother vaxxing for such diseases, or do it every year at almost 50/50 success rates. Yeah, it is all starting to sound familiar.

  47. Yusef drives a Kia

    I’m watching an Elon streaming interview,
    Question: How do you feel about China’s treatment of it’s Tech moguls?
    Elon:” Where’s Jack Ma? (background laughter) seriously?”

    • Lackadaisical

      Right? I bet he’s glad he moved to the US, whatever other problems we have.

      • Yusef drives a Kia

        He’s politely chewing Bezos a new ass, “Suborbital? well it’s on the way to orbit, I guess.” Priceless

  48. Sean

    There was a Bloom County/Calvin & Hobbes set of strips this summer and none of you rubes thought to mention it?

    First one.

    • kinnath

      That was a brilliant set of strips.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        I knew Steve Dallas wouldn’t be a vaxxer.

  49. Gustave Lytton

    Forgot to change out the monthly parking lot pass Monday and got a ticket. First of the month, monday… no biggie, just call customer service and squash it. He does but gives shit about technically I was in breach of the terms by failing to display the permit and it could be upheld in the future if there’s a pattern. Wtf is wrong with companies? I’m paying good money to have a chance at a space, and I’ve been paying the entire covid time when the lot has been dead empty even when I wasn’t using it much or at all either. You assholes should be kissing my ass by now.

    These same jokers are insistent that i register the plate numbers of my vehicle. Yet somehow this isn’t used by the lot checker before writing a ticket.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      So the closet Nazi dog whistler got elected by a bunch of pig-ignorant soulless ice people? What a shame.

      • Lackadaisical

        I’m laughing out loud, but it isn’t that different from what you expect to hear.

    • Scruffy Nerfherder

      It probably doesn’t help that the Democrats spend a significant percentage of their time demonizing that particular group.

    • Ed Wuncler

      “Among those who said parents should have a lot of say in what schools teach, Youngkin won them 76% to 23%, and those voters made up 51% of the electorate.”

      Telling people that their kids belong to them and to go an fuck themselves if they question that narrative isn’t a winning strategy.

      • db

        Oddly, it apparently wins with 23% of parents who claim to give a shit about it…

      • Lackadaisical

        23% of people ‘trust the experts’.

    • Rebel Scum

      whites without college degrees

      Those low-brow, knuckle-dragging deplorables won’t vote for progress.

  50. Scruffy Nerfherder

    Neighbor update: We may be clear. Even though the neighbor appears to believe her hallucinations actually happened, she seems to want to just be rid of us. And she has made a statement as to what was in the safe when it was opened and did not immediately file charges. Interestingly enough, she lied to her attorney about what was in the safe. I take that to mean she doesn’t want the attorney to know what was in the safe either, but it means that she’s put a number to it and done nothing. It will be very difficult for her to come back and make a claim later having declined to do so immediately after opening the safe.

    • ron73440

      That’s good, it must suck, being pulled into a shit show because you were trying to help someone.

    • db

      Does *she* want to be rid of you, or does her vulture friend want her to be rid of you because of all the unwanted attention it’s bringing?

      • db

        Either way I guess it’s good news for you!

      • Scruffy Nerfherder

        Doesn’t really matter.

        I can’t help her. She’s made her bed, now she has to sleep in it.

      • Lackadaisical

        No good deed goes unpunished.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Don’t worry, he’ll be back to oppressing people and doing other stupid shit in no time.

  51. waffles

    It’s going to be real fucked up when people find out they’re supposed to pay taxes on all those unemployment checks from last year.

  52. The Late P Brooks

    A steaming dunghill of preposterous nonsense for your amusement

    Other countries, too, have ramped up action as officials begin to recognize diet-related diseases such as obesity, hypertension and diabetes have made their citizens much more vulnerable during the pandemic. Some states in Mexico recently went as far as banning junk food sales to children — on top of the country’s existing taxes on sugary drinks and fast food. Chile was already deep in its own crackdown on unhealthy products, having imposed the first mandatory, national warning labels for foods with high levels of salt, sugar and fat along with a ban on marketing such foods to kids.

    In Washington, there has been no such wake-up call about the link between diet-related diseases and the pandemic. There is no national strategy. There is no systemswide approach, even as researchers increasingly recognize that obesity is a disease that is driven not by lack of willpower, but a modern society and food system that’s almost perfectly designed to encourage the overeating of empty calories, along with more stress, less sleep and less daily exercise, setting millions on a path to poor health outcomes that is extremely difficult to break from.

    “Nobody is doing anything about this. Nobody is saying this has to stop,” said Marion Nestle, a longtime New York University professor and author of numerous books about food policy. “And how do we stop it? With great difficulty and political will.”

    ——-

    The problem is deeply entrenched and staggering in scale: More than 42 percent of American adults — about 100 million people — had obesity before the pandemic began, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Nearly three-fourths of American adults are overweight or have obesity. Roughly one in five children now have obesity. The costs associated with this epidemic, along with diabetes, hypertension, cardiovascular disease and cancer, all related to diet, are among the greatest threats to the fiscal future of the United States, not to mention the health, well-being and productivity of millions of people.

    An epidemic of obesity, and no one had a clue!

    Where the fuck do they find these geniuses?

    • R C Dean

      Marion Nestle? Oh, the irony.

      In Washington, there has been no such wake-up call about the link between diet-related diseases and the pandemic. There is no national strategy.

      That’s because it would contradict the vaccine push. “Everything for the Narrative, nothing outside the Narrative, nothing against the Narrative”.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Maybe these busybodies can nag us to better health but do you really want to live longer with them making your decisions for you? We’d be eating three bowls of gruel a day plus a multivitamin if they had their way.

    • R C Dean

      have obesity

      Interesting way to describe it. Obesity isn’t something you catch. We used to call it “are obese”, because its what you are – a fat person – not something that happens by accident.

      • db

        Is there a vaccine for the obesity?

      • Fatty Bolger

        There was Fen-Phen, which worked wonders for the people I knew who used it, but unfortunately it caused heart disease.

      • db

        Well, at least there’s one similarity with the COVID vaccines.

      • PutridMeat

        So just like COVID vaccine!

        Lest someone take that seriously, JK. There’s not definitive link, postulating such would be dis-information. For now.

      • Plisade

        Heroine?

    • Plisade

      “6079 Smith W.! Yes, you! Bend lower, please! You can do better than that. You’re not trying. Lower, please! That’s better, comrade. Now stand at ease, the whole squad, and watch me.”

    • Rebel Scum

      “The state owns your children” was a good strategy. Go ahead with the “the state owns your diet”.

  53. The Late P Brooks

    I prefer the term “natural resistance”.

    But that’s just me.

  54. The Late P Brooks

    And-

    Stateside, the U.S. government was still not raising the alarm about the link between rampant metabolic disease and greater risk. It was never part of White House messaging on the virus and the suite of policies needed to respond to the crisis — something that didn’t change when President Joe Biden took the reins, either.

    “It’s not central to the discussion at all,” said Dan Glickman, who served as agriculture secretary during the Clinton administration and is now a senior fellow at the Bipartisan Policy Center.

    “It’s a gigantic gap in the discussion about how health care relates to Covid and how it relates to the prevention of disease.”

    Glickman noted that the country’s leading voices on coronavirus, including Anthony Fauci, don’t focus on underlying conditions and what could be done about them long term. Instead, the focus is solely on vaccines, which have been proven to be safe and effective.

    “They hardly ever talk about prevention,” Glickman said. “It’s missing. It’s a gigantic gap in the discussion about how health care relates to Covid and how it relates to the prevention of disease.”

    You can’t be WRONG all the time, either.

    And, of course, the requisite insertion of “vaccines are safe and effective’ boilerplate.

  55. The Late P Brooks

    We used to call it “are obese”, because its what you are – a fat person – not something that happens by accident.

    That jumped out at me, too.

    Apparently you now “have” obesity in the same way you “have” the mumps.

    • R.J.

      The legislative solution will be to ban clothing above a ‘Large’

  56. The Late P Brooks

    Subsistence farming is a great way to get in shape, America!

  57. The Late P Brooks

    Closing down gyms and public parks is a sure fire way to fight the obesity epidemic.