Dear The Powers That Be,

Enclosed please find an attempt to appease The Power That Cleanses. As usual I’d appreciate it if you would run this by TPTC before publication lest I spend the remainder of my brief unhappy life cultivating green bread precursors.


In these troubled times it is natural to seek solace in religion. But what religion should one choose?

What a silly question! Several times a month we Glibs are graced with PROOF of the existence of the One True God. Believe or be CLEANSED!

The ZARDOZ Prayer:[1]

who floats in the heavens,
hollow be thy Figurehead.

Thy Exterminators come,
thy Brutals will be cleansed,
in the Outlands as it is in the Vortex.

Give us this day the Gift of the Gun,
and forgive us our lust for young Charlotte Rampling,[2]
as we forgive those who decline to join in second level meditation.[3]

And lead us not into grain slavery,
but deliver us from the evil penis.

For thine is the Tabernacle,[4]
and the Eternals,
and the red nappies,[5]
for ever and ever.



[1] This is TZP v2. I composed v1 shortly after ZARDOZ revealed himself unto us. I appended it to a dead thread before I understood the concept. I don’t think anyone ever saw it[6] and I can’t find it now.

[2] Please feel free to substitute the object of your admiration here.

[3] This didn’t work out so well for Friend who was aged and exiled to the Renegades. I’d like to think we’re more charitable.

[4] Catholics can elide this part.

[5] I use “nappies” here instead of “diapers” because that’s what Sean Connery would have insisted they’re not, Dammit!

[6] Glib forum dead threads are a valuable resource. Whenever I make up an improbable password I archive it in a comment at the end of an old discussion secure in the knowledge that no one will ever see it.