Bigfoot

Screw it, we’re watching Bigfoot

Hmm… What does this letter mean? I get comments all the time about “post this, post that.”  But I don’t normally get poorly pasted together letters.  The only thing I can read easily is “Keep posting sasquatch films.”  We had a film emergency this week so I have no problem posting a cryptid film.  In tonight’s post, see Danny Bonaduce and Barry Williams face off against Bigfoot!  Yes!  This will also win you trivia points at a bar.  Name another movie with Danny Bonaduce, Barry Williams and Alice Cooper in it.  Or another film where Alice Cooper says the word “Hootenanny.”

This film also has Howard Hessman and Sherilyn Fenn!  A star studded, CGI enhanced Bigfoot extravaganza!  Also, this is the very first Asylum film I have posted.  Next time I post a film of theirs, I will tell you all about this fascinating production company.

So what brought up this film emergency? Well, I started watching Sharkula and I realized that… There was no way I could show it.  I went through three recent shark films to try to find something – just came up blank.  Here’s my notes, so you don’t think I am fooling:

  • Sharkula came in as a suggestion during one of the late, late Thursday comments. It took a while for it to come up on free streaming. Who can resist Count Dracula being reincarnated as a shark? What’s he gonna do, the Chevy Chase bit? How exactly, can you tell a shark is possessed by the spirit of Count Dracula? And are there really other vampires helping the shark? Are their names Mr. Alucard and Dr. Acula? Who knows. They do look like the castaways at a Goth club, the 40 year old men with balding mullets who only listen to Depeche Commode. Even better, there is no shark in this film until the 20 minute mark, and only a brief shot at that. The vast majority of the movie is watching two chubby, non-actor guys walk around and look confused.
  • Sharkenstein: Here’s the story of… Aw crap, I think this is by the same group. No shark until… 40 minutes in? Reading off of cue cards? No. No, this is not getting posted. You all deserve better (Snark in the comments in 3… 2… 1…).
  • Shark Exorcist: Who can resist lots of attractive women and priests, and a shark possessed by the devil? Not this guy! At least the actors look good as they read on the cue cards. Is it a thing that post-millennial actors can’t emote? I will leave that up for discussion. I may be onto something. This film is more wooden than a redwood forest.

So screw it!  Film emergency!  We watch Bigfoot tonight and I am resetting the entire agenda as of next week. All my previous choices for this year were awful.  Watch!  Or don’t!  Everything is voluntary. Next week, a western: It Can Be Done Amigo!

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(h/t: The Hyperbole)

 

About The Author

R.J.

Hello. My name is R.J. and I am a Tulpa.

134 Comments

  1. DEG

    I just got out of a work meeting and need to eat dinner. I’m dropping off for the night. I’ll watch this tomorrow. Thanks RJ!

  2. Gender Traitor

    On topic (sorta,) but about a week too late, doggone it! JUST missed this exciting event in the scenic no-man’s-land between Columbus and Cleveland.

    Put it on your calendar for next year!

  3. Mojeaux

    Sorry, but, um … football.

    • Gender Traitor

      In our case, baseball – the ‘birds are playing the Reds, so we can watch the entire series on the teevee! 😃⚾

      Cardinals’ magic number as of this moment: 12!

    • KK the Porcine Pearl-Eater

      (is it just me, or are NFL/Amazon playing artificial crowd noise? Like they’re tryna supplement it or something? I hear a mix of unenthusiastic “yays”, polite clapping, and vague “crowd roars” that sound…fake)

      • UnCivilServant

        Yes. They started piping in fake crowd noises during the lockdowns. I’d be surprised if they’d stopped.

        • KK the Porcine Pearl-Eater

          I’m wondering if it’s to cover up the occassional “fucks” and “shits” coming from the actual audience. I did get a viewer discretion warning when I tuned into the game on Amazon.

          Pussies.

          • rhywun

            I did get a viewer discretion warning when I tuned into the game on Amazon.

            OFFS!

            • KK the Porcine Pearl-Eater

              Right?

      • rhywun

        I haven’t noticed that in a couple years. 🤷🏻‍♂️

        Anyway… enjoy the game, locals and Amazon addicts.

      • Mojeaux

        No, it’s not canned. The crowd noise is real, but there is one lady who is screaming her fucking head off in a high squeal only dogs and I can hear, one note, continuous, and it’s fucking irritation.

    • Chafed

      Flexing your Amazon privilege?

      • Mojeaux

        Dude, I’m a local.

        • Chafed

          I didn’t know they were doing that.

          • Raven Nation

            I think there’s an NFL requirement for local over the air.

  4. KK the Porcine Pearl-Eater

    see Danny Bonaduce and Barry Williams face off against Bigfoot

    OK I may have to watch this one

    • R.J.

      It is a fun one. Asylum is the film company that made films initially for SyFy channel. Now they have their own streaming channel. And a massive library of films.

    • Chafed

      Yeah, I don’t know how to pass on that cast.

  5. Count Potato

    Sharkula looked pretty bad when I scrolled through it.

    • R.J.

      Oh damn, it was so bad. I couldn’t do it.

  6. R.J.

    Hey! I am hosting a friend from Sweden tonight, and staying at a Sasquatch- proof safe house. So my connection will be limited tonight.

    • UnCivilServant

      Classical Swede? Viking? Feminist Swede? Or Migrant ‘Swede’?

      • R.J.

        Former Texan Swede.

    • KK the Porcine Pearl-Eater

      Is she tall & blonde?

      am hosting a friend from Sweden tonight

      • R.J.

        No. Another man, who looks roughly like me.

        • Zwak. who's suit is as ragged as his nerves.

          Uhm, you might want to double check for Sasquatch.

          Ain’t sayin’ nothin’, just sayin’

  7. KK the Porcine Pearl-Eater

    Also, love the threatening note from…someone 😉

    • R.J.

      There is an actual ransom note generator on the interwebs! I used it to make that.
      I mean, obviously an angry sasquatch made it…

  8. rhywun

    castaways at a Goth club, the 40 year old men with balding mullets who only listen to Depeche Commode

    I want to know how you managed to go back in time 13 years and follow me around.

  9. Zwak. who's suit is as ragged as his nerves.

    And… the dishwasher broke.

    Well, I know what I am doing tonight and tomorrow.

    • Sean

      Baitin?

      • Zwak. who's suit is as ragged as his nerves.

        And that is why I need to fix the ‘washer.

        • R.J.

          Damn! Sorry man. If it’s an LG, it’s the motor. Burn it with fire and buy a whirlpool or something.

    • straffinrun

      If she’s broke, you should increase her allowance.

      • Zwak. who's suit is as ragged as his nerves.

        As an early retired man, I am the dishwasher.

        • straffinrun

          “I am the dishwasher!”

          *Ending scene of the 2022 remake of Spartacus

          • Zwak. who's suit is as ragged as his nerves.

            I am First.

  10. Count Potato

    That does not look like the Alice Cooper Group

  11. rhywun

    Going down to the mid-50s tonight. 😀

    88 on Sunday. 😔

    • DEG

      46 degrees Fahrenheit this morning in southern NH.

      Chilly.

  12. MikeS

    From one of Tonio’s links: 2SLGBTQIA+

    WTF is “2S” and how did it get put at the front of the alphabet soup?

    And I am guessing “I” is for “Intersex”? What is “A” for?

    • Chafed

      Two spirit and asexual.

      • MikeS

        Good grief. “Two Spirit”. What a minefield of woke that is.

        • UnCivilServant

          Yeah, anyone who claims that no longer gets common courtesey from me. They’ve invited being mocked and belittled.

          • Zwak. who's suit is as ragged as his nerves.

            “Sorry, I waved hello to your ‘other’ spirit. Didn’t xe tell you?”

        • rhywun

          I have no idea how that made it to the top of the victim stack. Canadian link? That seems to be a thing there.

          • MikeS

            To the best of my knowledge, it’s crazy people clinging to some supposed Native American belief that bisexuals are “Two Spirit” beings and therefore special. I’d like to see any sort of real proof of this, and also which of the scores of North American tribes actually believed this. I won’t hold my breath.

            • MikeS

              I mean, this whole “two spirit” thing is racist, isn’t it? It’s from the people who treat all “Indigenous” peoples as some sort of homogenous group. It’s so infuriating when one “good” group get’s to be racist or bigoted or homophobic or whatever, just because they check the right boxes. Fuck. Ing. A.

              *grabs another beer*

              • UnCivilServant

                I thought the As didn’t want to fuck, which was their claim to alphabethood.

              • MikeS

                I wonder how many of them actually don’t want to fuck. Or just suffer from low hormone levels. But, can’t ask questions like that or you’re a hateful bigot.

            • Chafed

              I’m pretty sure it’s already been debunked but I can’t remember where I read it.

        • MikeS

          To the LGB Glibs: I sincerely sympathize with you. The fight for acceptance you’ve made over the last number of decades being been hijacked by a bunch of insane people over the last 5-10 years is a damn shame.

      • straffinrun

        I’m two turntables and a microphone.

        • MikeS

          Bottles and cans and just clap your hands

    • Penguin

      I think “2S” stands for “Two Spirit”. No idea what that supposed to be. No idea what “A” stands for.

      • Chafed

        Psssst. Look up thread.

    • Rat on a train

      I hear the Ls want out.

      • Zwak. who's suit is as ragged as his nerves.

        Didn’t they get the magazine?

      • rhywun

        Only the wrongthinking ones.

        This is all political bullshit. The people who just want to be left alone want nothing to do with this shit.

        • Chafed

          It’s funny you say that. I have a former colleague who transitioned. After years of therapy, he (at the time) went on hormones, got all the surgery, legal name change, the works.

          She is a Republican who just wants to live her life in peace. She doesn’t hassle anyone over this stuff. If anything, she thinks the activists are crazy.

          • rhywun

            Leave me alone” doesn’t generate a lot of clicks or “outrage”. It’s why the MSM aren’t interested in them.

          • Gustave Lytton

            Whoa, that is almost word for word my former colleague, except I have no idea if she is a Republican. She definitely was conservative and was very dismissive of the democrats running the city we worked in. And come to think of, never made any mention of activism or even her own transition once it happened. And definitely did not throw references to the LGBTQ employee group in her email signature.

  13. Chafed

    *hits play for Count Potato*

    • Count Potato

      I didn’t have it cued up because the movie changed.

      • Chafed

        No judgment. I’m here to help.

  14. Count Potato

    This is like Ugandan CGI.

    • R.J.

      No, Sharkula was Ugandan CGI.

      • Count Potato

        The helicopter effects were pretty bad.

  15. straffinrun

    Woke up this morning, scratched my balls and looked around. Why the hell am I suddenly in Martha’s Vineyard?

    • rhywun

      Some shady GOP operative promised you working papers?

    • Gustave Lytton

      Payback for Nagasaki?

    • Chafed

      Because G-d wanted you to feast on progressive tears?

  16. The Late P Brooks

    Halftime.

    • whiz

      Is Cal ahead?

      • straffinrun

        Spoiler alert: he ends up beating John Davis.

  17. Gustave Lytton

    Watching the Fourth War. I forgot how much fun it is.

  18. Count Potato

    Thanks, RJ 🙂

  19. Count Potato

    Wasting Away (2007) also titled Aaah! Zombies!! is on Tubi

  20. Mojeaux

    I am not impressed by the Amazon local broadcast. Looks like film, not live. I switched it over to Amazon and that looks live.

    Bastids.

    • Chafed

      Roger Goodell is way too busy rolling in Amazon cash to care.

      • Mojeaux

        NOW I’m flaunting my Amazon privilege.

        • Brochettaward

          I try my best to avoid watching anything on any of the streaming services. If I want to watch their content, I’ll pirate that shit. Football may break me of that.

          I refuse to support them financially. And I’m not giving them a view for shit like the Rings Of Power.

          • Mojeaux

            Husband likes free shipping, so we have Prime.

            • UnCivilServant

              At times I want to call customer service and ask if I can just get Prime Shipping and drop the rest of the garbage.

              • rhywun

                Same. The one thing I have come across that is not available to normies is certain grocery items. Or maybe it was the scheduled delivery of same. I can see that being useful but I ain’t paying the Prime tax to get it.

  21. straffinrun

    When you lose but still call the shots.

    https://thecradle.co/Article/News/15645

    While the Biden administration has claimed it wanted to give the money directly towards humanitarian aid, it is unclear how it would bypass the ruling Taliban government in Kabul.

    The Taliban is not going to take any money that makes it into country? Yeah, I’d like to know how they’re gonna do that, too.

    • Gustave Lytton

      But they promised not to!

      • Chafed

        If there is one administration dumb enough to believe that….

    • slumbrew

      “I’ll take ‘punchable faces’ for $500, Alex Ken”

      • slumbrew

        (What am I looking at?)

        • Chafed

          I have the same question.

          • rhywun

            Seventies swingers?

  22. Brochettaward

    FIRST IN YOUR POCKET, SIR. THERE’S A FIRST IN YOUR POCKET, SIR.

  23. Brochettaward

    Someone on here last night wondered if the railroad strike nonsense wasn’t something of a political ploy to make Biden look like an effective leader with the election just over a month away.

    Lo and behold, the next morning the mainstream news is all running headlines of Biden peacocking over how the strike was resolved and disaster adverted.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Taking undeserved credit is the hallmark of politicians of all stripes.

  24. Sean

    Good morning Glibs.

    Running late…

    • UnCivilServant

      Morning. I got up with my alarm, which is set to central time, so I’m runnin slow.

  25. l0b0t

    Good morning everyone. I’m up early to make peanut noodles for the ravenous hordes of Alfred. I hope y’all have a wonderful day.

    • UnCivilServant

      Morning. How do you like the new job? Now that you’ve had time to get accustomed to the change?

  26. UnCivilServant

    I’m going to go check out this hotel’s breakfast. I’ll be back in a bit.

    • UnCivilServant

      Well, that’s an embarassing offering, loks like I’ll have to find a restaurant that’s open at this hour if I want food that counts as a meal.

      • Rat on a train

        Just bagels, pastries and fruit?

        • UnCivilServant

          Pretty much.

          I instead found an establishment which I guess qualifies as a greasy spoon. Even before I noticed the political stickers in an alcove behind the counter, the working-class atmosphere was obvious. So I sat down and ordered eggs benedict, forgot to mention I wanted the eggs cooked hard, but luckly there was enough sauce to cover the taste of the yolks. Very fast and efficient place, sadly they’re closed tomorrow.

          Got back to my hotel, there was enough mist/drizzle for me to see the sweep of the lighthouse light as it passed through the air between the hotel and the barrier island.

          • Gender Traitor

            That reminds me – I still have eight eggs left over from making zucchini brownies. I’ll have to have some for breakfast tomorrow. I could have sworn that within recent memory you could buy some quantity less than a dozen.

            • UnCivilServant

              My local grocery store will still sell cartons of a half dozen eggs.

              • Gender Traitor

                I know I’ve been able to find a half dozen at either Kroger or Meijer in the not-too-distant past. I think more recently I might even have found a carton of eight at Meijer.

                I want to know who is to blame for this.

  27. DEG

    Mornin’

    Off to the gym.

  28. Gender Traitor

    Good morning, DEG, U, l0b1e, and Sean!

    It’s Friday and payday, so I have that going for me. No idea what else is in store, but I have the coffee to face it.

    I may also indulge in an iced mocha latte from Timmie’s at lunchtime…

    • Gender Traitor

      And good morning to you, too, rhy!

      • rhywun

        Mornin’.

        • Grosspatzer

          Mornin’, they. How are things in Brooklyn?

          • Grosspatzer

            And hello, autocorrect. Mornin’, rhy.

          • rhywun

            Calm and quiet. Looks like another beautiful day.

            And thank you for getting my pronouns right on the first try.

  29. Fourscore

    Good morning to all!

    Taking the honey frames out of the freezer today, warm them them up so when UCS et al arrive on Sunday they can jump into the program.

    “We’ll have a good time then…”

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, 4(20)! I wish you a delightful weekend – I have no doubt it will be so! 🙂

  30. Grosspatzer

    Mornin’, reprobates.

    Tough week, but things are looking up.

    Today I am wearing a sweatshirt for the first time in months. Fall is coming.

    I seem to have mostly solved the issues plaguing our production processes. Did not sleep much this week, but should be able to sign off at noon today. Yay.

    Hope you and UCS have a sweet time, 4×20.

    Enjoy that Covfefe, GT. French roast for moi this morning.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, ‘patzie! Still summer-like here in OH – mid- to high 80s predicted for the next several days, so I don’t have to abandon my sandals and capris.

      ::checks coffee bean stash:: I know our beans are something fancy-schmancy, ’cause that’s our local roaster guy’s spesh-ee-ality, but it’s not written on the bag. Maybe Ethiopian Y[i]rgacheffe? (Or, as I waggishly call it, “Ethiopian Burger Chef.”)

      • Gender Traitor

        (And the fancy beans are mostly lost on me, as I muck up the brew with creamer and sweetener.)

      • Not Adahn

        Yrgacheffe is my all time favorite. Also it’s the only African coffee I really like. This makes no sense to me, but there it is.

      • Zwak. who's suit is as ragged as his nerves.

        Like most things food related, it is lost on me. I like my coffee as black as my lungs and as bitter as my ex-wife.

        And, fuck, do I hate insomnia. I think the new dosage proscribed is making things worse.

    • Grosspatzer

      Double up on the coffee? Also, I heard from a friend that stimulants are readily available on the black market.

  31. Grosspatzer

    Totally glib-worthy news from the chess world.

    https://nypost.com/2022/09/14/huge-chess-world-upset-of-grandmaster-magnus-carlsen-sparks-wild-claims-of-cheating-with-vibrating-sex-toy/

    “A cheating scandal is buzzing in the chess world with wild allegations of using technology — including vibrating “anal beads” — to signal winning moves after a teenage newcomer beat a world champion at a high-stakes tournament”

    And Elon has something to say about it.

    “”Talent hits a target no one else can hit, genius hits a target no one can see (cause it’s in ur butt),” the Tesla CEO tweeted on Sept. 8.”

    • Not Adahn

      There’s a chess youtuber (Gotham Chess) who was picked by the algorithm to show up on my (and apparently everyone else’s) recommendations when Magnus lost. Watching him cope with the n-tupling of views has been kind of humorous, though you can tell he’s upset that people are watching for scandal news as opposed to his match recaps. The recaps are pretty entertaining, even if you have no idea how high level chess is supposed to be played.

      • Grosspatzer

        I’ll have to check him out.

        It’s amusing that people seem to think it’s impossible for a lower rated player to win without cheating. I own a tournament win against an International Master despite having a peak rating of 1928 (not quite Expert let alone Master). It happens.

    • EvilSheldon

      I’m laughing into my hand, thinking about how my brother is handling this with my 13-year-old nephew…

  32. Tres Cool

    suh’ fam
    yo whats goody

  33. EvilSheldon

    Good morning!

    Today I’m in Culpeper, doing the Rangemaster Instructor Development course. Wish me luck!