THIS TRANSMISSION IS CLASSIFIED.
DO NOT GIVE IT TO YOUR CRACKHEAD SON,
DO NOT LEAVE IT IN THE GARAGE,
DEFINITELY DO NOT LEAVE IT IN THE GARAGE WITHIN REACH OF YOUR CRACKHEAD SON
Date/Time: 11 January 2023 1047 EST
Location: Breakroom of the undisclosed agency, at an undisclosed location, somewhere around Washington DC
Special Secret Agent Snuffy was wistfully in the break room, preparing his morning coffee. He dumped the ashtray full of cigarette butts into a french press before drowning them all with boiling water. He sat and watched the butts swirl with Chock Full o’ Nuts coffee grounds.
”Lets see the lies they’re telling us all today.” he said to himself. The break room TV came to life, predictably to the Fox Business morning show.
”Oh no…”. Snuffy began to stare blankly at the screen. Reminiscing on the time he met Con. Gym Jordan…
THIS TRANSMISSION IS CLASSIFIED.
DO NOT GIVE IT TO YOUR CRACKHEAD SON,
DO NOT LEAVE IT IN THE GARAGE,
DEFINITELY DO NOT LEAVE IT IN THE GARAGE WITHIN REACH OF YOUR CRACKHEAD SON
“Thank you Mr. Chairman. Mr. Snuffy can you please state your name and agency for the record?” Con. Jordan asked.
”No. No, I really can’t do that.”
“Just as well Mr. Snuffy. My first question is regarding an incident two years ago regarding a Chinese satellite. Do you recall the incident?” Con. Jordan asked?
“Ah that. Well—“
“The incident I am referring to is the impropriety taken against a commissioned officer in the Space Force being humiliated by an unknown government agent. His and/or her description of the incident was and I quote, “triggering.” His and/or her description of the incident suggested an utter disregard of personal hygiene—Both his and/or her as well as your own. Mr. Snuffy do you have any idea what this person was talking about?”
”Well…I um—“
“Another incident involving the President. Mr. Snuffy can you tell us what you know about Hunter Biden?”
”Yes. He has a thing for Psaki’s butthole—“
“I’m quite certain of that, we all do Mr. Snuffy. What I am referring to is a clandestine operation to traffic blood products from aborted fetuses beginning in 1972. Along with multiple incidents concerning the President and the late Sen. Ted Kennedy. What can you tell us about that?”
”Kennedy was a cunt?”
”How about this incident involving Andy Dick failing to register as a sex offender and arrested for public intoxication?”
”What?” Snuffy was confused.
“We have sufficient evidence…SUFFICIENT EVIDENCE…Mr. Snuffy
…that Andy Dick was involved in distribution of phenylalanine. The same ingredient in many soft drinks, found upon arrest for trafficking Guatemalans illegally into our fine country, Mr. Snuffy. At the behest of your agency.”
”That’s a lie, we might do shitty things but we don’t give Diet Coke to Guatemalans.” Agent Snuffy protested.
”We have on the record you called them and I quote: “Oompa Loompas.”
“That wasn’t me, that was Trump!”
”Easy there pointing fingers Mr. Snuffy. My final question is how this all ties in to the Hunter Biden’s lithium mining corporation. Is it true this entire time the Biden’s were competing with a well-known, but will remain nameless here, American company transporting blood products from a Nazi laboratory performing live-animal testing?”
”Well…um—“
[knock] [knock] [knock]
The chairman pounded the gavel.
”Thank you Mr. Chairman, I yield the remainder of my time.”
“Goddamnit.”
THIS TRANSMISSION IS CLASSIFIED.
DO NOT GIVE IT TO YOUR CRACKHEAD SON,
DO NOT LEAVE IT IN THE GARAGE,
DEFINITELY DO NOT LEAVE IT IN THE GARAGE WITHIN REACH OF YOUR CRACKHEAD SON
“”Yes. He has a thing for Psaki’s butthole—“
Glad I’m not the only one.
Does it taste like strawberries?
These snozzberries taste like snozberries!
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Snozzberry
I think I need more drugs.
Okayy.
Who doesn’t?
OT: Amazon Smile is done.
Well fuck, now I’m going to have to remember to send IJ money each year.
?!
Mine seems active.
Check your email.
Oh. I did get an email. But I was cooking and didn’t see it.
The sent out an email that it is ending Feb 20
But don’t worry, they’re going to keep giving money to “equitable” charities for the “underserved”.
Translation: You aren’t giving to charities we like so FYTW.
Meh, it was nice thinking they were giving some microscopic amount to the charity of my choice but once I give them my money they can do what they want with it. Not really getting the FY here.
Every other company I do business with doesn’t give to charities that I chose so Amazon is just reverting* back to the norm.
*reverting isn’t the right word but I’m drunk and can’t think of the one I want.
Yeah, although it’s possible there’s a FYTW angle, my guess is that there were so many options the amounts were diluted to the point where it wasn’t worth the effort for Amazon.
Yeah, I wasn’t exactly thrilled with the $4.72 that IJ was getting from me every quarter. But the point was pooling all the other millions of Joes giving to th— OK I almost got it out.
Saw that. Sigh.
You fucking losers were picking the wrong charities. From now on, we’ll do it for you.
Meh, I’d think you could set up a simple program to handle that but knowing how many of you Glibs work in IT it apparently isn’t that simple so I can see Amazo not wanting to spend money on some nerds to make sure a bunch of companies maybe get a couple dollars.
Of course that’s why. But tell me you honestly don’t think their money going to the “wrong” charities also played into it. They could have tried things to limit eligibility and thin out the herd before completely nuking it.
Not sure why your Irritable Contrarian Syndrome is flaring up for Amazon of all fucking companies.
I’m an equal opportunity contrarian.
Equitable, even.
Ouch.
Lol
My 585 orders generated a grand total of $71.59
Lol.
So, too many bad thinkers, then?
Regrettable. I enjoyed the idea of Bezos sending money to the 2nd Amendment Foundation.
You too, huh?
Same here.
Jacinda Ardern just resigned:
https://youtu.be/_l6sctO0WQs
Caught taking payoffs from Pfizer? Sex scandal? Whatever, she’s gone…gonna be shortly anyway and good riddance.
They’ll probably get someone worse, if recent history everywhere in the universe is any indication.
Retired to a farm to eat carrots and sugar cubes. It’s for the best.
Watch your fingers!
Now you tell me.
Well said Bro!!!
Off to the political glue factory would be nice but I suppose she’ll get a nice sinecure somewhere.
This is CNN-NZ.
WEF always has something for a loyalist.
ROFL
It turns out she is a horse?
/looka da sizea does teef!
I have sort of a big teeth fetish but, you’re right, those are a bit much.
I made a comment on the dead thread: she’s behind in the polls, but not catastrophically so. If I had to guess, I’d suspect she’s being tapped for some kind of international role; perhaps future UN sec-gen. And, she probably is exhausted: five+ years of running the lives of 5 million people WILL wear you out.
Yeah, she got the opposite lessons I got from my limited management experience.
I have an exciting, breathtaking, and exhilarating new Firsting proposal for tomorrow all planned out. Normally, I like to let the Firsts flow through me, but this one is too important not to plan a little. It is a very exciting, once in a lifetime offer.
Be there or be second.
*Most of your are already second, but still…
I await with
masturbated breath!I already know how many of you pleasure yourself to my Firsts.
All these sock puppets…
[Adds yarn and thumbtacks connecting SPACE SMITH to Scruffy/Shiny/Scruffy Nerfherder]
I noticed that as well
/reads warnings about classified documents
Shit, now you tell me.
Shit. When I worked at Canada Post they used to store mail-in ballots in the supervisors office and then “pretty please” ask me not to go in there. No cameras, no nothing. That building was my personal fiefdom for six hours nearly every night.
I can only imagine what got on those ballots.
Ewwww.
The humpday Zoom link is prompting me for a meeting passcode. Have I done something wrong? If so, I promise to be more discreet next time…
for some reason you need to be signed in to zoom, your basic fee account works, to get to the Wednesday Glibzoom. Shouldn’t need a passcode if your signed in.
you’re (TED”S)
“He has a thing for Psaki’s butthole”
I assume he numbs it with cocaine before he penetrates?
Survey: anyone else still tied to cable getting frequent blank screens when they change channels?
That was never a thing in the before times.
Or maybe Spectrum just sucks balls.
This,
Or maybe Spectrum just sucks balls,
cheers buddy🍻
I mean, it’s so frequent and rebooting does nothing.
WTF.
I’m trying to watch live tennis but FYTW.
We got the Monkees on spotify,
And Tall Cans!
🍻
Good luck with the game
🥂
I suppose I could play a game or some music.
We have Rectum. It does that occasionally. I’m getting more and more pissed at Amazon Prime Streaming, because it’s been doing it a lot.
I miss the old days when shit worked.
Ass Wednesday.
https://archive.ph/2mv6A/e08323d56e02a7c368f9ee3bc102892334b89cc8.jpg
NSFW.
https://archive.ph/uFvfJ/1e8e7335e76dde2ebfb8f9fc838cb251523be113.jpg
NSFW.
https://archive.ph/fLv1F/31d0368732af6965d9f12a5b26a3b7a98eb59a7a.jpg
NSFW.
With a rebel yell she cried more, more, more
https://archive.ph/C9g8U/fd1ecf1c74fd1d5eb598dac87b3a541a9148f58d.jpg
NSFW.
Happy Ass Wednesday to you too.
Wikipedia slits its own throat. Vector 2022 is now the default and it sucks. You can turn it off but only if you have an account and login. What utter dipshittery,
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Vector_2022
*shrug* I’m not seeing the dipshittery yet.
In case you missed it (and you probably did): another white supremacist MAGA incel with an Automatic Rifle-15 plugged a bunch of innocent partygoers in bucolic south Florida.
Okay, the “MLK Day Event” kinda gives away the plot…
“It wasn’t a gang incident, two rival gangs that got into a beef there,” Hester said. “We’ve determined that this was a dispute between two or more individuals that took place there are event. Some of those individuals that were involved in this dispute are documented gang members.”
Not a gang incident, just a purported incident between gang members. Totally different, you see.
Um… OK.
English, do you speak it, mother fucker?
Meanwhile in bucolic south Florida, a young man toils in the sub tropical sun to make a better life for him and his family.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtW6HW8jO_U
Note that the message of that uplifting video shines through whether or not you watch it with the volume on or off.
Age-restricted
Is it bad I actually like that one?
In his further travails he finds that although his home based delivery business shows potential, he has to deal with the inevitable problems that arise.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQJY2-rkcZE
😂
I had sorta hoped that the facial tattoos were, like KISS’s makeup, just that — makeup, and just part of is over-the-top act.
Nope.
Shockingly, a rapper whose schtick is cocaine and guns was arrested on drug and gun charges. Which, lemme tell ya, is pretty hard to do in Miami-Dade. You have to admire someone who really goes the extra mile for his art, though.
Those are some awful tattoos.
Hey look at how versatile an artist he is.
Can I assume he was shot by a rival?
Gun and drug charges, shockingly.
https://www.local10.com/news/local/2022/08/04/rapper-known-as-stitches-arrested-in-bay-harbor-islands-on-drug-and-weapons-charges/
That is a rough 27.
Phillip Katsabanis
I blame his overbearing Greek parents.
I’m disappointed. He talks the talk but won’t walk the walk.
“Can I
assumehope…”FIFY
The lad better be careful. Filming rap videos in Miami comes with its own risks these days.
I suspect the Lutherans are behind it yet again.
I never saw that on an episode of Miami Vice.
Bit of an inside-baseball pissing match has been unfolding in NY as Kathy’s Latinx (because of course that’s relevant!) judge-pick is apparently deemed too white supremacist for the senate. (He follows the law! *faints*)
I dunno what any of this means but the gist I’m getting is that our radical governor has met her match in an even more amazeballsly radical legislature. Fun times.
I think that’s right. I was wondering how far off the rails NYS can go. Looks like we’re going to find out.
Around here it’s very much the lower you go, the more batshit leftist it gets.
You should see some of the city council and state-level apparatchiks – it’s unbelievable. And that’s the pool from which such creatures fail upwards.
I’m genuinely curious to learn what it will take to get one of the major banks to move their hq out of NYC. They seem willing to endure nearly anything to be there. But I assume they all have a breaking point. I wonder if those creatures will find it.
They’ve probably moved all the non-execs out of Manhattan like my company did.
But yeah, my company’s HQ is still there even though the vast majority of workers are in Ohio.
NY will still claim a cut of their income.
? AFAIK NY doesn’t tax workers who neither work nor live there.
They claimed income for people working from home if they were assigned to a NY office so why not get a cut if the HQ is there.
True. NJ does that to me.
But my company has offices all over the world. They’d have a riot on their hands if NY tried to tax all of them.
That would be truly monstrous.
Give them Faygo instead.
They will come to love the Juggalo Way of Life.
Hiya,scruff.
I thought I was the only person to be stupid/crazy enough to be up this late.
I have to go to bed soon; making a presentation tomorrow morning to a group of engineers and physicists on the topic of nuclear fusion. Hard to do on just a couple hours’ sleep.
To all a good night!
Night. I’m getting up and going to work now.
And here Ive been up all n̵i̵g̵h̵t̵ day.
*waves*
https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/george-santos-denies-taking-3000-intended-for-disabled-veterans-dying-dog/ar-AA16vg6H
L O L
Keep trying…
The NY Post had this to offer yesterday.
Rep. George Santos also known as drag queen named ‘Kitara’ in Brazil over a decade ago: report
I’m always left with the question of ‘so?’
I thought people’s personal life was out of reach. We’ve got congress people fucking chinese spies, or married to them and this is what people care about?
Lying about your past? How about the president. Sure, the guy sucks (and blows?) but he’s nothing unusual for our government, sadly.
Yeah, the hive seems to have it in for him in particular. He flipped a district so the Dems certainly hate him for that but there’s gotta be more.
Like they tried with that Gaetz guy a while back.
https://www.wfmz.com/news/area/southeastern-pa/woman-accused-of-killing-parents-in-montgomery-county/article_f850f2c6-9780-11ed-a234-bf06964093a8.html
Local news. JFC…
Dibs on the album name.
Make it a remix album and you’ve got a winner.
Mornin y’all!
☕🍳
Gonna be a great day!
Maybe:
I think i have 6 meetings between 9-3
goodness.
In person or zoom?
5 zoom
1 in meat space.
Give ’em the Toobin!
Good morning, Sean, ‘bodru, Shirley, Scruffy, Stinky, homey, rhy, and Roat.
I sure hope today is better than yesterday – after hitting a nasty pothole Tuesday evening, I discovered yesterday that the tire was low on air. Discount Tire said the tire was fine, but the wheel is hosed. They refilled the tire and sealed it the best they could so I could limp home. Today I get to use a day of vacation to see if the Subaru dealer can get the wheel sooner than DT can. And I’ll have to see if AAA will tow it one place or the other. 😒
Let me guess, the car doesn’t come with a spare.
Well, yeah, but it’s one of those little tiny ones. I didn’t feel like driving all the way home – meaning “across town” – on that dinky thing. In the dark. And the rain.
Boo, that stinks.
OTOH, might be a good start to a new episode of Subaru Horror Theater…
Not possible to straighten the wheel?
Well, Discount Tire didn’t suggest that as an option. They didn’t charge me a cent to check the tire, seal it, and refill it the best they could, so I THINK they’re relatively trustworthy. (I’ve dealt with them before – bought the current tires from them, and they’ve replaced one damaged one for free.)
Most mechnics’ shops do not have the equipment to do so quickly, and the amount of labor they’d charge would end up costing enough that the cost of getting a new rim would be lower, and quicker to change out. Plus, a field repair of a rim would be questionable on durability and air seal quality. better to just recycle the metal on the bent rim and replace with new.
I’ve had them straightened before just fine. I also had one so bad that they said “nope”.
$125 vs. $500+ is noticeable.
Where’d you find your unicorn mechanic?
http://www.straightenswheelrepair.com/
And once at the local VW dealership.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DXAidGQUuns
🎶🎶
https://nationaltoday.com/gun-appreciation-day/
That’s every day. 😉
This is my rifle. This is my gun.
https://www.newscientist.com/article/2355288-odd-parasitic-plant-with-fleshy-flowers-identified-as-new-species/
Ewww.
A pet peeve of mine is referring to “science” as if it were an entity.
Be careful you don’t make science mad. Science can get violent.
In the beginning was the Data, and the Data was with Science, and the Data was Science.
And the words of the Science are flawless, like silver purified in a crucible, like gold refined seven times.
Blessed rather are those who hear the word of Science and obey it.
/Neil DeGrasse Tyson
Forgive me Fauci, for I have sinned.
https://www.fox35orlando.com/news/flagler-county-thinking-about-allowing-school-employees-to-bring-guns-to-campus
https://www.wfmynews2.com/article/news/crime/man-steals-tractor-boone-police-pursuit/275-061ebab3-5a3c-4e66-8f52-91bbc9648273
😂😂
Swedish govt moves to get rid of permits needed for dancing
“Gotta cut løøse, Føøtløøse…”*
*Yeah, yeah, I know – that’s Norwegian. (Damn pedants!)
Next up: permits for yodeling.
*Yeah, yeah, I know – that’s Swiss. (Damn pedants!)
Oi! You got a loicense for that permit, m8?
You must wear your permit attached to a chain around your neck at all times. (Damn pendants!)
*NYC snorts disapprovingly at those wanton Swedes*
It was repealed here in 2017 but don’t get any crazy thoughts in your head – they can still use zoning to keep you down.
Our leaders are desperate, stupid, and dangerous.
https://news.antiwar.com/2023/01/18/nyt-us-considering-helping-ukraine-strike-crimea/
That is stupid. Not that the bridge isn’t a legitimate target in a war, just is it worth striking it? When you’re getting shitmixed maybe avoid those things that’ll further enrage your opponent.
The last time
UkraineBritain Special Forces attacked Crimea, Russia responded by barraging the entirety of Ukraine with missiles.If you want to escalate the war, going after Crimea will do it. It’s a hard redline for Moscow. They will not cede Crimea, ever. They’ll nuke somebody over it.
Nothing to see here, move along.
As always the reporting is all over the place. What ‘land bridge’ are they talking about?
“Apple Has Begun Scanning Your Local Image Files Without Consent “
https://sneak.berlin/20230115/macos-scans-your-local-files-now/
Huh, Apple tried to roll this out a couple of years ago, withdrew it because of the uproar, and have now rolled it out, on MacOS at least-they’ll follow with the iPhone and iPad as sure as night follows day though, with no announcement or fanfare-can’t turn it off either. Time to move back over to Linux I reckon.
Dammit
Ruh-roh. Excuse me, I have an urgent matter to attend to. *frantically deletes those “special” files*
Wow.
I remember using Little Snitch when I was on Macs – before I recently switched permanently back to Windows after 16 years. But I stopped because it was a PITA keeping up with all the traffic. Might be worth finding a Windows alternative for when Microsoft inevitably starts pulling this shit.
What makes you think they aren’t already.
Also, please, please host all your files on our cloud, thx -microsoft
Mornin’, reprobates!
Morning, Glibs.
Mornin’ all.
Awake again? Top o’ the mornin to you, lad!
The only reason some people are still alive is because it’s illegal to kill them.
*grumbles, wanders off*
I’m with you there. Today I need a sweatshirt proclaiming “TOXIC. Unsafe for human contact”
Leaving aside 99% of the Gliberati of course. I can handle (most of) the annoyances here
Marihuana: threat or menace?
https://nypost.com/2023/01/18/1400-illegal-pot-shops-now-open-in-nyc-already-wreaking-havoc/
“There’s a lot of marketing that’s going to children. There’s a lot of public health issues, danger to the community. We want to make sure they’re in compliance,” Miranda said during the hearing, conducted jointly by the Council Committees on Oversight and Investigation, Consumer Affairs and Health.
Translation: “These shops are not collecting the king’s levy”
The last bit is the only thing they really care about.