“It is unfair and very discriminatory!” Cracky said loudly down the hall at the hazmat team pressure washing Hunter’s office with bleach. “I bet you never did this to Mike Pence’s office!”
“Loose cocaine?” Hunter said disgustedly. “You know I never touch the stuff.”
Cracky purred and nuzzled against him.
“You’re all I need, Cracky,” Hunter said sweetly.
“He’s still doing it, Grandma,” Finnegan said as they watched him. “I was hoping this was just another one of his bad days. But it’s been a week of crack rock ventriloquism.”
“His behavior at the family picnic for the 4th was way beyond anything acceptable.” Jill was wearing another dress made from poolside loungers. She thought it made her approachable and matronly.
“He tried feeding it a hot dog,” Finnegan said. “And kept making it squeal with delight when he broke off pieces to smoke. And now this… cocaine in the White House…”
Only the soft shuffling across the carpet warned of Joe’s approach. Finnegan and Jill turned to face him; his face was slack and eyes far-away.
“Oh dear, I think they put him on too much Thorazine again,” Jill said. She reached out to take his arm but Joe brushed past her.
“I’m so angry, I could split an atom!” Cracky screamed. Boiling waves of pressured bleach mist had permeated the hallway. Hazmat backed Hunter away from his office with a crackle of a taser and extended the barriers of caution tape and plastic sheeting.
“I would never bring cocaine in the White House,” Hunter told Cracky. “And I would certainly never forget and leave behind cocaine in the White House.”
“The pressure washers are a bit much,” Finnegan said. “This whole section of the residence is going to stink of bleach for months.”
“Your father’s not much for catching subtle hints, dear,” Grandma Jill said, patting Finnegan’s arm.
“Peek-a-boo!” Hunter said, making Cracky disappear up his shirt sleeve.
“I can’t see you!” Cracky sang out, his voice muffled.
“My beautiful son,” Joe said as he draped himself over Hunter like a blanket of wrinkles and folds.
Pretty tame given the opportunity at hand.
He needs to cutesey up the character to help move merch.
It’s a setup – the tame ones always are.
Next week will be a new horror beyond our imagination.
Hey Cracky, where you goin’ with the gun in your hand?
“I’m going down to shoot some cocaine, caught it messin’ round with my man…”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gUPifXX0foU
Jill was wearing another dress made from poolside loungers.
And he scores on the open net from center ice.
The Triumphant Return of Cracky
The best stoner since Towlie.
Jill was wearing another dress made from poolside loungers. She thought it made her approachable and matronly.
So good.
I think Doktor Geandma thinks those dresses make her extra super GILFy.
I doubt she’s getting any from her hubby.
Herr Doktor Gilfy Biden?
https://nypost.com/2021/04/10/women-over-70-rock-jill-bidens-sexy-tights/
I thought cocaine and other drugs would be found all the time at the White House. I am surprised this was taken so seriously.
I think Last American Hero’s suggestion that this is the way they get rid of Harris is a sound one. It would be too funny.
CommaLa ain’t going out like that.
They’ll ask for privacy for her and her family during this difficult time. While she is quietly shuffled off to a luxury inpatient treatment facility.
They get everything – a distraction and a clear deck.
But yeah, it’s probably too much to hope for.
“Today is a time and in that time, there was a mistake made. That was not a normal decision, it was a mistake. The cocaine was mistakenly left and that happened today. Today, I will take time to learn from my mistake and today will be a learning time.”
I read that in Mitch McConnell’s voice.
“Bitch set me up!”
I would love it if she fought back. That would be glorious.
How else do you get Newsome in 2024?
It’s a major breach of etiquette to leave it lying around. Especially in the library.
Wedid elect him to restore etiquette to the office.Mr. Biden, in the library, with a crack pipe?
The story has changed again. Now it was found in a closet used by staff and guests.
I think they figured out that, with the library under video surveillance, they couldn’t very well say “we have no idea when Hunter, I mean, who, left the coke there.”
I’m sure they find drugs all the time, and we never hear about. I think this time it was a “suspicious white powder” they were hoping to pin on a MAGA terrorist, and it didn’t go their way.
^this^
They still might after the investigation as they’ve reported it was found in an area open to public tours.
Making it public will definitely require some serious Kremlinology to figure out.
Another shot at getting Joe out of the election?
The slogan could be “Joe Blow? NO!”
If it’s Biden’s cocaine the media will find a way to spin it as a positive thing. “Heck yeah, Joe’s on coke. Here’s why it’s a good thing.” “Here’s what you need to know about coke for seniors.” “How does Joe remain so spry at 80? Coke, of course.”
L O L
/s Vox
lmao
9 REASONS WHY DOING COKE AT WORK ROCKS THE BIDENS
(no. 5 will give you goosebumps!)
Yeah, crazy that you can now apply Kremlinology to our own government. I mean, you probably always could, but the internal dynamics are getting more weird.
We all know Hunter never leaves anything important behind.
Heh.
According to Not the Bee, there is a betting pool on who left the cocaine behind.
https://notthebee.com/article/you-can-actually-bet-money-on-who-the-white-house-cocaine-belongs-to-and-the-list-is-sadly-so-much-longer-than-youd-expect
The wet market isn’t on the list.
I love Cracky. I look forward to the Cracky vs. the Hat and the Hair cage match. Cracky would enter the ring to Stinkfist.
Boredom’s not a burden
Anyone should bear
Constant over-stimulation numbs me
But I would not want you any other way
[Chorus]
Just not enough
I need more
Nothing seems to satisfy
I said I don’t want it
I just need it
To breathe, to feel, to know I’m alive
Moar detail plz.
And then here comes the Hat and the Hair with swagger.
I’m sure the irony is lost.
President Biden called for an assault weapon ban on Independence Day amid a wave of mass shootings in cities across the nation.
“Today, Jill and I grieve for those who have lost their lives and, as our nation celebrates Independence Day, we pray for the day when our communities will be free from gun violence,” Biden said in a statement Tuesday. “It is within our power to once again ban assault weapons and high-capacity magazines, to require safe storage of guns, to end gun manufacturers’ immunity from liability, and to enact universal background checks.”
What did you think was going to happen?
Well the doctors told him it was going to be all peachy.
Seriously, the doctors should be put to the gallows.
It seems a little too “on the nose” to be true, however, it is definitely the case that all they’re doing is using cosmetic surgery to approximate sexual organs, which are structurally different and cannot function in the same way as the real thing. And I agree, anyone who told this person otherwise should at least spend the rest of their life in jail.
Signed up to never have an orgasm again. Of course it’s a sign of poor mental health and will have terrible consequences.
Democrats Confused By Parades Where Everyone Keeps Their Clothes On And Doesn’t Swing Sex Toys Around
Announcement: Now That Affirmative Action Is Illegal, We At The Babylon Bee Are Firing All Our Female Employees
CommaLa ain’t going out like that.
On the one hand, I can’t believe they’d use such a completely predictable racist caricature. On the other hand, I think they’re nothing, if not consistent. Why wouldn’t they fall back on the completely predictable racist caricature?
I’m sure they find drugs all the time, and we never hear about. I think this time it was a “suspicious white powder” they were hoping to pin on a MAGA terrorist, and it didn’t go their way.
The “suspicious white powder” alarms tend to fall off the radar with no follow up.
You don’t suppose one or more somebodies in the security detail is getting fed up with their shit, do you?
It usually falls off the radar because it turns out to be laundry soap or something, right? I don’t recall any instance in which it was drugs.
So just last week Cracky was introduced as a character and now they find cocaine in the White House. SugarFree doesn’t just have a mole in the White House. He’s pulling the strings.
Did they ever say if the cocaine found was crack or the regular stuff?
cocaine hydrochloride.
that’s what I saw.
don’t know what that means if anything.
Powder.
I read nasal spray, but it is more often used to free up stuck contacts.
Um, that is what I heard.
Yeah, that was one of the early coverup/diversions. Because who doesn’t call a hazmat team when they find a bottle of prescription nasal spray?
It’s been over 20 years since the 9/11 anthrax attacks. I don’t recall any other weaponized white powders since then. Why are we still losing our shit over white powder?
Quick chemistry lesson (since OMWC didn’t swing at it):
Cocaine, like most organic molecules isn’t readily soluble in water. But it has a nitrogen bonded to three carbons. If you can expose it to an acid (like HCl) that nitrogen can accept another hydrogen, making the entire molecule ionic and much more soluble in water. If you use this technique to purify it from other non-ammonium forming impurities, then evaporate the water, you get the protonated cocaine and the chloride counterion. This is why so many of the drugs you see have “HCl” after them.
Thanks edit fairy!
way beyond anything acceptable
I shudder to think what is acceptable.
Freedom of speech is just right-wing extremism.
On Monday CNN fired off on Judge Doughty.
CNN legal analyst Elie Honig argued that “free speech” is a conservative ideology and Honig accused Doughty of being an activist judge – for FOLLOWING THE US CONSTITUTION.
Where’s Joe McCarthy when you need him?
Sometime soon you will see ol’ McCarthy rise from his grave and start to eat brains…
Will he be a headless body, and will Richard Nixon take that position?
On Monday CNN fired off on Judge Doughty.
Yesterday I said the judge was improperly restricting the free speech rights of the government.
I was… you know… joking.
Don’t you people know a joke when you hear one?
Lol. Sure.
As the field of GOP presidential candidates grows but struggles to gain ground on Donald Trump, Republicans and Democrats have increasingly noticed that one of the figures best-positioned to take on the former president remains on the sidelines.
Georgia Gov. Brian Kemp, one of the only high-profile Republicans to have ever come out stronger from a battle with Trump, has conspicuously stiff-armed buzz about his own presidential prospects.
But insiders have noted Kemp’s gradual cracking of the door as the presidential Trump challengers have foundered.
In recent interviews, Kemp has publicly not ruled out a run for president, and plugged-in Republicans say that he hasn’t taken the option off the table.
“He hasn’t closed the door,” said a Republican strategist. “I don’t think there’s a huge desire to do what [other 2024 candidates] are doing right now.”
Anyone who is serious about running knows that Trump is the 400lb gorrilla in the race, and you need to be able to off set that if you are going to win. I think DeSantis is stupid for going against him this go round, as this will suck up all the air from what he could be doing. Kemp, if he is seriously thinking about a run, is smart not to do it this year. The anger is just too great among the base, they want to have what they think was stolen. What is being stolen. And that is a huge hill to climb.
The cuckiest of cucks. That’s who the elephants need.
You mean someone who will suddenly become “worst than Hitler”, according to the DNC/media on the day after he or she is nominated.
Tragic
Former New York Mayor Bill de Blasio and his wife, Chirlane McCray, announced Wednesday they are separating — effectively ending a marriage that became an integral part of de Blasio’s ascent to Gracie Mansion and his subsequent years leading the city.
The duo, who sat down with The New York Times to explain their decision, will not divorce or even move out of their Park Slope row house. Instead, they will live together and date other people.
“You can feel when things are off,” de Blasio told the Times, “and you don’t want to live that way.”
The couple said the rigors of public life took a serious toll on their bond. The pandemic accelerated that erosion and, for McCray in particular, de Blasio’s ill-fated decision to run for president in 2020 caused a palpable shift that they did not recover from.
Without the political grandstanding, what’s the point?
+1 War of the Roses https://m.imdb.com/title/tt0098621/
+1 Warren Adler = my client once upon a time.
Had lunch at the Century Club with him.
The “pandemic” is like climate change, it can do anything.
date other people
Twinks and power lesbians are plentiful in Dike Slope.
Dr. Jill for him and Hunter for her?
The duo, who sat down with The New York Times to explain their decision, will not divorce or even move out of their Park Slope row house. Instead, they will live together and date other people.
So… same as before, only publicly.
OT
Me: “When I press the button on your software, nothing happens.”
Tech Support: “Please include a screenshot of the error message.”
Me: “I’m not getting an error message, it’s doing nothing.”
Tech Support: “Please include a screenshot of the error message.”
*headdesk*
Send them a picture of nothing happening. Even better, make it a video 5 minutes long, in HD.
Exactly send them a picture of the static application.
A photo of your finger and their button.
Which finger?
I did that before, but with a blank desktop as the application wasn’t launching.
I then reached out to the teams manager to point out “the opportunity for coaching”.
I like RJ’s approach.
First, get yourself a post-it note…
Just send them some of SF’s writing and threaten with more of that if they don’t assiduously.
“Well, is your webcam remotely accessible? Because right now the error is between your monitor and your keyboard….”
I always heard it as “EBCAK” – Error Between Chair and Keyboard”.
ESTO
Equipment Smarter Than Operator
Keyboard-Chair interface. ID-10T error.
Appropriate SugarFree material and/or NHS commentary?
Dialysis patient dies during sex in car with his nurse — who failed to call for an ambulance
If your nurse performs that level of service, are you supposed to tip her?
Good Yelp reviews?
Just the tip.
He died doing what he loved.
He went out with a bang.
For Don, there’s a new church being built in TN:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XEA0Re7f7YQ
New White House Janitor Günter Hiden Arrives To Clean Up Leftover Cocaine
Hah! Seen in sidebar from that: Macron tells riots to settle down or he’ll call Kyle Rittenhouse.
Too soon?
A Subway store in Rincon, Georgia, has removed a sign that made light of the recent implosion of the Titan submersible after facing a backlash over the “distasteful” joke online, the company has confirmed.
Images of the sign posted by social media users show that it previously read “our subs don’t implode”—playing on the shortened versions of words “submersible” and “subway sandwich.”
Appearing early in July, it comes just weeks after the remains of the Titan submersible were found by a search and rescue operation near the wreckage of the Titanic.
Huh… just a bit north of Savannah — must be bordering some Karen suburbs. Bet that would have just gotten laughs up by Blairsville.
They actually explained the joke. For real.
Is that really necessary?
For the average Newsweek reader…?
Fair point
Dorks. I thought it was funny.
“The triumphant return of Cracky”
Oh, this will be good.
*scrolls up, starts reading*
My Amish-made hat has shipped (directly from Lancaster, ‘natch). Would it be in bad taste to put a pin on it?
Amish Paradise
“Down with the English” and “Stop Big Electric.”
Maybe if they were black-and white it’d be plain enough. No fancy serifs, obviously.
https://www.redbubble.com/i/pin/Hang-on-Let-me-overthink-this-by-chestify/29205665.NP9QY
I doubt the fashion police would say anything.
My Amish-made hat
Like this?
I think that one would get snagged.
Whelp, I made it over 50k miles on the factory brakes, but they got me today during an oil change. *sigh*