I am the jaws that protect the realms of Joe. I am Commander.

Snuffle the crotch of Finnegan. She is well. I move on. I must make my patrol.

Strange hand touches my ears before I can smell it. Growl. Forest of hands. Some must be bitten.

Tall man takes my collar. Growl. I pee a little as warning. Chomp. His hand juice tastes of iron.

I am good dog. Joe is safe. I love Joe. His skin tastes like corn chips. I love corn chips.

“Commander!” woman says as I smell her. She is in heat. She must breed soon to have a litter this season. She pushes me away. I must see Joe. I run.

I bark and scratch door until I am let in. Must smell all. Karine is cocoa butter. Mama Jill is Scotchgard. Hunter smells bad. I growl at Hunter and then run to Joe. Joe smells good.

“And then I accept my plea deal and it all goes away,” Hunter says. I understand none of his words. He smells like nieces.

“My boy, my beautiful boy,” Joe says.

“What’s this about your lawyers trying to suppress evidence?” Karine asks. I whine and put my head in Joe’s lap. He rubs ears.

“Tell the press whatever you want,” Hunter says. “I’ll send the judge a painting after it is all over.”

“You can’t do that,” Mama Jill says. I can smell her anger.

“I’m a famous artist,” Hunter says. “Who wouldn’t want one of my paintings?”

I pad silently over to Karine and lick her leg. She giggles.

“It’s bribery, Dad,” Finnegan says. I bark in agreement.

“When is my vacation?” Joe asks no one. “I feel like I’ve been at work all summer.”

“Soon, dear,” Mama Jill says.

“You’re so good to me, Nelia,” Joe says. I whine. Too many words. I pick a fresh turn of the Oval and urinate loudly.

“Nelia was your first wife,” Finnegan says. “This is Jill.”

“Who’s Jill?” Joe asks. I whine. Fear and corn chips.

“Your second wife,” Hunter says.

“What happened to Nelia?” Joe asks. I go to stand beside him. I love him.

“She died, Joe,” Mama Jill says.

“What?” Joe asks. Crying. I stand up on the arm of his chair to taste the tears.

“There was a car accident,” Hunter says. He smells worse than before. I want him to leave. I growl.

Mama Jill hugs Joe. I bark bork bark bark.

“I don’t know who you are,” Joe says. “But you smell nice.”