INT. DR JEWSENHEIMER’S LAB-DAY

WIDE SHOT of MARGO, DR JEWSENHEIMER, and GRAVITY MAN staring at the empty chair. The unconscious body of Orbit Boy hitting everything in the room as he circles Gravity Man.

     NARRATOR
When we last left our hero, Gravity Man, he had just returned from the moon where he had finally defeated his foe Anti-Gravity Man. While our hero explained the adventure to the awaiting Margo Mettlesome and Dr. Jewsenheimer, Anti-Gravity Man had mysteriously escaped. Let’s join in.

     GRAVITY MAN
Great Scott! He’s gone!

     DR JEWSENHEIMER
Unt he’s not there anymore either!

     MARGO
Look, on the chair! It’s a red calling card!

     GRAVITY MAN
The calling card of the Red Spy Gang!

     MARGO
The Red Spy Gang! You mean that mysterious group of spies that have sworn to undermine our very American way of life, by destroying social security and public schools!?

     GRAVITY MAN
That very gang, Ms. Mettlesome. You need to get back to the office to research this. I..I mean Peerless Paladin will meet you there.

     MARGO
Whatever you say Gravity Man! We can’t let these reds scare us into abandoning the very ideals that underpin our country!

INT. METRO CITY METROPOLITAN OFFICE-NIGHT

PEERLESS and MARGO sit at a desk filled with papers and file folders in the dimly lit office. ORBIT BOY is asleep, in orbit, papers stuck to his face. Still battered, bruised and bleeding.

     PEERLESS
All this reading is tiring me out. We’ve drank nearly all the coffee on this specific coast and we’re no closer to finding a clue about the Red Spy Gang. I’m just not sure how much longer I can hold out, Margo.

     MARGO (LOOKING AT ORBIT BOY)
Judging by how quickly your Cousin Buddy fell asleep, it must run in the family.

     PEERLESS (LOOKING AT ORBIT BOY)
Why..yes..Cousin Buddy…family…heh…What’s your secret Margo? You seem to have boundless energy.

     MARGO
A lady never tells her secrets, Peerless Paladin.

     PEERLESS
Well, good thing you’re a reporter and not a lady!

     MARGO
Why Peerless Paladin! You old so and so! You’re going to make me blush. Well, if you must know, it’s these fine dandy’s I got from my cousin, you know the one, the war hero.

Margo holds up a small cardboard tube branded ‘Pep Pills’.

     MARGO (CONT’D)
My cousin got them in his ration during the war. He swears by them, says he can’t live without them. And judging by how ornery he gets when he misses a dose, I agree. But his wife does usually deserve the smacks he gives her in those situations. Wanna try one?

     PEERLESS
Who am I to disagree with a war hero?

Margo hands Peerless the tube, he takes off the top and tilts the tube to his open mouth. At first one pill falls gently on his tongue, but then due to the power of gravity, every pill in the tube is sucked into his mouth.

     MARGO
I said try one! Not gobble them all down!

     PEERLESS
Golly Margo, sometimes I just can’t control my power….errr, I mean, you know know what a clumsy oaf I can be.

     MARGO
Oh, never mind. I’ll just pick up more tomorrow when I stop in at the pharmacy to pick up some more Milk of the Poppy.

At the sound of this ORBIT BOY begins kicking and pawing in his sleep. Margo and Peerless laugh.

FADE OUT

INT. METRO CITY METROPOLITAN-MORNING

FADE IN
Orbit Boy still orbits asleep, bruised and battered. Margo is asleep with her head on the desk. Peerless is disheveled and overly excited, paging through files until he notices something in the file he is reading and begins speaking frantically.

     PEERLESS
Great Scott! That’s it! Why didn’t I see it earlier! I did see it earlier, I know, but I didn’t see it! Of course! Margo! Margo! I see it! I see it! Wake up Margo! I see it! Don’t you see! I see it!

Peerless begins to violently shake Margo to awaken her. She slowly raises her head off the desk and extends her arms in a deep yawn. Orbit Boy hits her in the head as she raises up, which awakens him. He hits her a few more times before she sits fully upright, then through the rest of the scene his orbit passes just in front of her face, she does not miss a beat in performance.

     MARGO (yawning)
What is it you see?

     PEERLESS
I see it! It’s all connected! The war! The Russians! The Red Spy Gang! Don’t you see! I saw it! I did! I saw it after I saw it, I didn’t see it until now! But now I do! Can’t you see Margo!?

Peerless clutches his chest and begins inhaling deeply.

     MARGO
What are you going on about? How can the Red Spy Gang be connected to the Russians, our greatest ally in the war?

     PEERLESS
I don’t know! But I do know. At least I know that I know! You can’t ever know until you know! It’s all right there! Can’t you see! I saw, and when I saw I knew! If you would just see then you would know! The Red Spy Gang! The Red Army! It’s all right there! But I can’t touch it! But I can know it!

     MARGO
Wait, now I see! The Red Spy Gang is trying to sully the good name of our great allies! By gum Peerless I think you cracked it! The Red Spy Gang, by being against family planning, social security and public schools is trying to undermine how we can learn from our great allies in Russia. Those damn dirty Reds!

     PEERLESS
That’s it! Yes! Of Course! The Red Spy Gang stands against everything American like reproductive rights, social security and public schools! We know this, because that is what we in the media say about them! So it must be true! They are against voting rights, women’s rights, and want to put religion into classrooms! The UN-American scoundrels!

     MARGO
We need to put a stop to this now!

     PEERLESS
I need to put a stop to this! I mean, Gravity Man! I mean look! I, well he, I mean we, I…don’t know! But I do know! And when I knew that I knew! But how did I know!? I…I…

     MARGO
But where can we find the Red Spy Gang?

     PEERLESS
Who cares about the Red Spy Gang!? Tell me where I can get more Pep Pills! I mean, I don’t need more, but I just need to know!

PEERLESS begins shaking MARGO violently. Orbit Boy manages to open one of his swollen eyes.

     ORBIT BOY
Water.

Orbit Boy grasps for help, his tongue now breaking through to lick his chapped swollen lips.

     PEERLESS
Of course! Water! Evil doers always congregate at the filthy waterfronts! You know the government really should condemn all those properties! They are only used for crime! They should be turned into cheap affordable housing! Then the government could solve this housing shortage! But no time for that now! Yes! By the water! You’re right! I need to go right now, down by the water! Away!

Peerless slowly clods off. Orbit Boy reaches back towards Margo in desperation.

     ORBIT BOY
Water…

INT. RED SPY GANG HIDEOUT-DAY

The Red Spy Gang are inside a vast warehouse filled with wooden crates. In the middle of the warehouse Anti-Gravity Man sits on a chair. He is surrounded by four portly middle-aged Native Americans. Red Leader 1, Red 2,Red 3 and Porkins.

     RED 1
Many moon ago, white man takum land that were ours. Now we takum back.

     ANTI-GRAVITY MAN
What does this have do with me?

     RED 1
Are you identify as white man?

     ANTI-GRAVITY MAN
Yes, but I…I’m an ally!

     RED 1
Porkins, you read back us that part letter to white man for many wampum?

     PORKINS
Them identify as Anti-Gravity Person.

     RED 1
Porkins, we red men no have need white man language. We have many two-spirits.

     PORKINS
Me sorry, Red Leader 1. What me mean them identify Anti-Gravity person as now right moment.

     RED 2
Porkins be fatty who no smart.

     Red 3
Them are being so weight challenged at this interval that they is currently sounding unsmart.

     RED 1
Red 2, Red 3, that sound of white man bad speech!

JUST THEN Gravity Man bursts through the ceiling like a bowling ball dropped through the skylight of a crystal chandelier factory.

     GRAVITY MAN
You damn dirty Reds! I know now that I know, and since I know, I know what I have to do. You’re making me do this because of your UN-American actions, actions that go against the very core of American ideals. I know because I am in the media, and we know all because we know that we know when we know it! And if knowing is half the battle then I’ve already won the battle because I know that I know! So here, have a taste of Gravity!

Gravity Man hurls Orbit Boy at the 4 gang members in a bloody game of dodge-ball where Orbit Boy, as the ball, returns to Gravity Man’s hand after each report. Leaving The Red Spy Gang writhing on the floor and leaving Orbit Boy in ever more dire straits. Gravity Man clods over to the chair on which Anti-Gravity Man sits.

     GRAVITY MAN
You felonious fiend! I’ve caught you now! You were working with the Red Spy Gang to undermine our partnership with the grand Soviet! I…I…What’s come over me!? Suddenly I feel so weak! What have you done to me. If…only…I had more…PEP Pills…

GRAVITY MAN collapses to the floor with enough force to create a crater. The shock wave begins to destroy the warehouse.

     ANTI-GRAVITY MAN
It seems I’ve been given a reprieve. AWAY!

ANTI-GRAVITY MAN flies out of the crumbling warehouse while Gravity Man and Orbit Boy are subsumed by debris. The Red Spy Gang is crushed to death in the rubble.

     NARRATOR
How did the dastardly Anti-Gravity Man defeat Gravity Man? Has he found Gravity Man’s one weakness!? Can Gravity Man find more PEP Pills!? Can you, young viewer, mail any PEP Pills your parents might have to : Gravity Man, 110 Cereal Company St., Cereal City, Michigan, 51111? We’ll find out next week, in an all new thrilling adventure!

FADE TO BLACK