The Hat and The Hair 47: Episode 32

by | Sep 17, 2025 | Sugarverse, The Hat and The Hair 47 | 129 comments

“Dammit, Pam,” the hair muttered.

“What?” the hat snapped.

“She’s talking about hate speech,” the hair said.

“Yawn,” the hat yawned.

“We shouldn’t be talking about hate speech,” the hair said. “Banning speech is leftist bullshit.”

“They set the rules, we’re just playing by them,” the hat sneered.

“Using their playbook only validates them.”

“I hate hate speech,” Donald grumbled. “It’s just so hateful.”

“And we can use hate crime laws to destroy them,” the hat said.

“Hate crimes do not exist. All crimes are hateful, damaging to the very membrane of society,” the hair said.

“Fuck off, hippie,” the hat said.

“Charlie’s gone,” Donald said. “They have to pay.”

“We should have Elon buy BlueSky and shut it down,” the hat said.

“Then maybe we shouldn’t have driven Elon away,” the hair said.

“He defied me,” Donald said.

“Oh, how they would squeal,” the hat said, “Just like when Elon brought Twitter. He took the left’s favorite toy, broke it, and then gave it to the people they hate. Pure hilarity.”

“Then maybe we shouldn’t have driven him away,” the hair repeated.

“He defied me,” Donald repeated.

“Elon could buy TikTok also,” the hat said. “And Reddit. Whip them, drive them out of their sacred safe places. Fucking terrorists.”

“Charlie,” Donald said. “He was a good egg.”

“But hate speech laws and hate crimes are the way of the enemy,” the hair insisted.

“You sound like a libertarian,” the hat said. “And those fags suck.”

“‘The master’s tools will never dismantle the master’s house,’” the hair quoted.

“There’s no way you can possibly know anything about Audre Lourde,” the hat said.

“I know that quote,” Donald said, “I saw it on a Snapple cap.”

“They hunt us, they kill us; they deserve everything they get,” the hat said.

“The pendulum always swings,” the hair warned.

“Then we kick over the clock,” the hat muttered.

About The Author

SugarFree

SugarFree

Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist

129 Comments

  1. Tundra

    “I know that quote,” Donald said, “I saw it on a Snapple cap.”

    OK, that is absolute perfection.

    • Brochettaward

      On topic and praising the person who created the big comment above.

      Not a First. Not good at all.

      • Brochettaward

        I’m going to have to First four or five times to fix the Firstline now.

      • juris imprudent

        BRO FIRST LIKE STEVE SMITH RAPE!

      • slumbrew

        And making a rare appearance. It’s like an anti-first.

      • Tundra

        Make Anti-Firsting Great Again!

        How’s things, Slum?

      • slumbrew

        Good, thanks! Being Glib-fit and back on the low-carb bandwagon since January plus I’ve gotten into a “ride the Peloton for 30 minutes before breakfast” habit – down about 25 lbs. so far. Nothing fits, which is a good problem to have but I need to figure out when I get to a new equilibrium before I start buying real clothes again.

        Did you point me at Nick Norwitz? I’ve been enjoying him enough I cracked my wallet open to subscribe. I really enjoy his even-handed approach to things (e.g., seed oils).

        I trust all is well and you’re just (wisely) spending more time offline?

      • Fourscore

        Good to see you again, Tundra.

        You’re gonna miss Sunday’s event but Jimbo is back from his vacation and will be telling the stories from yesteryear of how the Maple Grove guys faced down a gaggle of Glibs during Open Season.

      • Tundra

        Congrats, Slum! That’s great news!

        And yes, I believe I recommended Nick. Sometimes his deep dives are waaaaay deeper than O can follow, but always good stuff.

        Another to definitely check out is https://www.midwesterndoctor.com/. The subscription is worth ever dollar.

        Things are great here and yes, trying to moderate my online stuff. Still too much twitter though lol.

      • Tundra

        Thanks Fourscore. Good to see you as well!

        Sorry I can’t be there Sunday to help moderate Jimbo, but I know he’ll be on his best behavior!

      • slumbrew

        Thanks, I’ll check him out.

  2. The Late P Brooks

    “Hate crimes do not exist. All crimes are hateful, damaging to the very membrane of society,” the hair said.

    “Fuck off, hippie,” the hat said.

    *outright prolonged laughter*

  3. The Late P Brooks

    “The pendulum always swings,” the hair warned.

    Why did that make me think of Foucault?

    • Nephilium

      Did you hear an Eco?

      • UnCivilServant

        Must have been a Dolphin.

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        An Eco of…The Day Before?

  4. PieInTheSky

    “You sound like a libertarian,” the hat said. “And those fags suck.”

    Well not all libertarians!

    • juris imprudent

      Sucking blood is still sucking.

      • SDF-7

        “Hey bloody — stop doing that”?

  5. Sensei

    “We should have Elon buy BlueSky and shut it down,” the hat said.

    Shame that bromance is no longer.

  6. DEG

    “I know that quote,” Donald said, “I saw it on a Snapple cap.”

    I loved that.

  7. The Late P Brooks

    Mostly correct

    Despite what Trump and Vance want Americans to feel, political violence is actually mercifully rare in the U.S. According to data compiled by the conservative Cato Institute, 83 percent of all Americans killed in political violence since 1975 died on one day — Sept. 11, 2001. Another 5 percent died in the 1995 Oklahoma City Bombing, perhaps the most infamous act of right-wing terrorism in modern history.

    Was Oklahoma a right wing attack? The target was a government building, so I guess that automatically makes it right wing terror. Only conservatives hate the government, right?

    • Sensei

      “Was Oklahoma a right wing attack?”

      I think it’s fair to say right wing / libertarian. McVeigh claimed multiple grievances against the government.

    • EvilSheldon

      Was Oklahoma a right wing attack? The target was a government building, so I guess that automatically makes it right wing terror. Only conservatives hate the government, right?

      Yes, OKC was clearly and explicitly right-wing terror. McVeigh could have passed as a libertarian if you squinted a little bit.

    • Suthenboy

      I dont know if he was an anything wing. His main grievance was that the US government was murdering people. I agreed with his complaint but certainly not his method. Clinton and Reno should have gone to prison for what they did.

      • Threedoor

        Clinton and Reno will be together again soon.

    • Translucent Chum

      Makes me wonder what happened in 1974.

      • B.P.

        This year may have been chosen since it was mostly after the left-wing violence spasm earlier in the decade. Think Days of Rage, when something like 1,500 bombings occurred in an eighteen-month period.

    • R.J.

      “Because the 9/11 attacks dominate the data, it may make sense to exclude them because they obscure other trends”
      That’s it. Invalidate your study right off the bat.
      Also violence does not equal deaths. Either we are discussing violent acts, which are legion on the left, or we are discussing political deaths, where clearly left wingers have a lower count. You can’t entitle your article “politically motivated violence is rare,” then completely ignore the left’s huge uptick in violence in the 60’s, remove the attack on 911, and then say “Look! there’s a trend of right-wing violence!”
      I am done ranting about crap I cannot change for today. CATO can suck it.

      • rhywun

        CATO can suck it.

        You could have started and ended with that.

  8. Yusef drives a Kia

    “Then we kick over the clock,”
    Classic!

  9. trshmnstr

    “You sound like a libertarian,” the hat said. “And those fags suck.”

    Suspension of disbelief snapped. The hat would’ve obviously said “lolbertarian”.

    • Gustave Lytton

      Hat has been covering Stephen Miller’s bald empty vessel.

    • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

      Eh, the Hat has a problem pronouncing hard O’s.

  10. The Late P Brooks

    The Cato Institute and an army of social media pundits have pointed out that right-wing violence far outnumbers left-wing attacks since 1975. Cato’s data reveals that right-wing people or groups have been responsible for 54 percent of politically motivated murders since 2020, compared to just 22 percent for Trump’s reviled “leftists.” When Trump, Vance and other Republicans feed the right’s growing desire for vengeance against the left with bogus statistics and hyperpartisan fearmongering, they only worsen a crisis that has already claimed too many lives.

    Why 1975?

    Maybe “right wingers” are just more competent at terrorplots.

    • trshmnstr

      Hey look, it’s Cato apologizing for leftist violence. Such brave, much courageous.

    • Sensei

      My off the top of my head guess would be reaction against civil rights legislation in the south up to that point.

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        Or, 50 years before the study was done.

    • Gender Traitor

      Post-1975 to get past all the late ’60s/early ’70s incidents.

      • The Other Kevin

        You could make several pies with all the cherries they’ve picked.

      • Sensei

        With leftovers for drink garnishes.

      • Suthenboy

        This. The commies were setting off firecrackers every week at schools, courthouses, police stations….oh, and the unions…the fucking unions.

        I want to see a detailed list of these ‘right wing’ violent incidences.

      • Rat on a train

        But with the party switch those are also right wing …

    • EvilSheldon

      Cato’s data reveals that right-wing people or groups have been responsible for 54 percent of politically motivated murders since 2020, compared to just 22 percent for Trump’s reviled “leftists.”

      I’d be quite surprised if even this were true. I don’t supposed that Cato showed their work?

      • UnCivilServant

        Of course not. Data would allow their accusation to be refuted.

      • R.J.

        See my rant, above.

      • R.J.

        My rant still stands. And I did read the whole thing.

      • JaimeRoberto (carnitas/spicy salsa)

        Maybe I’m missing it, but the only link to the data that I see is the summary data displayed in the charts.

      • rhywun

        There are enough buzzwords in there that can be redefined to suit an author’s needs that it’s meaningless.

        I know they want to tar Trump with some racist fuck shooting up black people or a synagogue but that has *nothing* in common with Trump’s platform.

      • Gustave Lytton

        So during the Biden administration when the media was trying to find right wing nazis under every bedsheet? Got it.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Also ignore anything with the imprimatur of government sponsorship or approval.

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        The fact that they included 9/11, an action performed by Islamic terrorists and thus not really of the left/right divid, should tell you quite a bit. Also, there is a divide between number of killed vs. number of incidents. That needs to be picked out, otherwise it really isn’t good information.

        On the third hand, one needs to know what, specifically, is included in each. Was the action of Daniel Penny included in right wing violence, the death committed by Luigi, now that it has been downgraded from terror?

        As was said, you can back a pie from the number of cherries picked here.

      • Grumbletarian

        The analysis above ignores injuries and property damage, which may skew the results in ways we don’t want you to think about.

    • PieInTheSky

      If you read the opinion this isn’t insanity. The judge ruled “terrorism” means something like 9/11 – indiscriminate killing. Murder 2 charge is still there, and Murder 1 (which depended on the “terrorism” hook) is meaningless in a state with no death penalty. Luigi is still subject to life in prison if convicted. From the opinion:

      https://x.com/FischerKing64/status/1968040763222265939

  11. The Late P Brooks

    McVeigh was pissed off about Ruby Ridge? or Waco?

    • Gender Traitor

      Why not both?

    • DEG

      I think more Waco than Ruby Ridge, but my memory is not clear of anything beyond remembering how the media demonized right-wingers and militias in the aftermath.

    • Suthenboy

      It was both and justified. Just thinking about it now I am still angry about those.

  12. R.J.

    “You sound like a libertarian,” the hat said. “And those fags suck.”

    Verified.

  13. The Late P Brooks

    The judge ruled “terrorism” means something like 9/11 – indiscriminate killing.

    Was it intended to send a message?

    To be honest, I don’t particularly care if the terror charge is dismissed. Just as long as they don’t change it to “justifiable homicide”.

    • Ted S.

      Did drugs fall out of his wet suit?

  14. Aloysious

    “Fuck off, hippie,”

    My favorite line.

  15. Sensei

    “I know more about this valve body than anyone at General Motors or Ford does… I reinvented every version of this valve body. The non-shift by wire, all of them, the diesel, the gas, I reinvented all of them myself.

    Dude is quite the humble guy. That said we ARE talking about GM here. I forgot their “repair” for this was simply software to stop the drivetrain from locking the rear wheels.

    An Engineer Explains GM’s Valve Body Failures: Will A New Repair Be Enough for HD Owners?

    https://www.thedrive.com/news/an-engineer-explains-gms-valve-body-failures-will-a-new-repair-be-enough-for-hd-owners

    • Tundra

      Ford pushed the software fix for the cam phaser recall on my truck. I kept after them and finally got the fucking thing fixed right before the warranty expired. I imagine there were a lot of people who didn’t. I wonder, too, if I have the same transmission.

      Either way, I think I will be selling it soon.

      • Sensei

        The article notes Ford isn’t the same, but it too has some issues. This is GM’s second generation and it’s own spin on the joint transmission.

  16. juris imprudent

    gave it to the people they hate

    Which is everyone but themselves, and often they hate each other.

    I loved too many lines in this today. Author! Author!!

  17. The Late P Brooks

    What is the end goal of “right wing terror”?

    “Left wing terror” seems to be explicitly in furtherance of (the right kind of) government power and control. And punishment of capitalists.

    • Suthenboy

      Since everyone not-commie is a right wing extremist I suppose right wing terror would be any act not committed by a commie.

    • juris imprudent

      What is the end goal of “right wing terror”?

      Absolutely begging for the Spanish Inquisition treatment?

      Our three goals are…

  18. The Late P Brooks

    after valve body issues caused some customers’ rear axles to lock up while their vehicles were in motion.

    This sort of “reporting” drives me bananas. What does that mean? That sounds like a diff failure. I assume the transmission is actually locked up somehow. Can it find its way into two gears simultaneously?

    • Sensei

      It downshifts into a much lower gear than should be allowed for the road speed. it’s unclear if that simply breaks the wheels loose or fundamentally makes all the whirly bits mechanically lock up from spinning much faster than intended. And its unclear if it is the transmission or differential whirly bits.

    • DrOtto

      I doubt it’s the differential from the description of the problem. That’s a fairly simple and robust gear set. My guess is it’s probably initiated by the transmission dropping too many gears and either locking up, as you suggest or just slowing the wheels into a skid and is something that probably also has traction control stepping in to assist and maybe making things worse?

  19. The Late P Brooks

    The problem is caused by what’s called a dual clutch engagement,” he said, referring to the two clutches in the transmission that engage and disengage synchronously as each gear is selected.

    Imagine the transmission is a fork in the road; power can go left or it can go right. An axle lock-up happens when a failure within the gearbox essentially says, “Hey, why not both?”

    Huh. Apparently yes.

    • UnCivilServant

      What’s the point of having a second clutch?

      • UnCivilServant

        Doesn’t seem worth the added complexity. But what do I know.

      • Sean

        They’re great to drive, except (apparently) GMs.

  20. The Late P Brooks

    “And so what then happens is if enough pressure enters this circuit and ‘drives down the wrong road,’ what ends up happening is the vehicle goes into this failsafe condition at what is almost always a super unsafe speed,” he said.

    “Obviously you would skid down the road on a motorcycle, but in a big ass truck, it’s going to lock the hell up,” he said.

    WTF? So it downshifts from tenth to fifth? What about the massive mechanical overrev? You know, bent valves and stuff.

    • Sensei

      Assuming it’s not locked – the torque converter absorbs it?

  21. The Other Kevin

    I had this thought just now… We talked about collectivism yesterday, it might be that those celebrating Charlie Kirk’s death have their whole identity rooted in their Team. Right now their Team keeps losing. So for them this is was a rare win. In a sick way, it’s like a hockey game where one team is losing 8-0 in the third, and they send out their goon to start a fight. The team isn’t going to win, but the fans have something to cheer about.

    • PieInTheSky

      can you put it in NBA terms?

      • UnCivilServant

        They’re throwing in the green dildo.

      • juris imprudent

        Every team has a player that only gets in for garbage time – you know the game is over when the fans are chanting that player’s name.

      • Nephilium

        ji:

        When the girlfriend first started watching football, she decided to have a favorite player. This happened to be the Browns were trying out a new punter who came over from rugby. During the preseason, the punter laid out the returner when they got past the rest of the special teams defense. I firmly believe him laying in that hit got him signed to the team.

        Fast forward to the regular season, as the girlfriend starts cheering and applauding when he would come on the field. Which wouldn’t have been so bad… if it wasn’t the damned PUNTER!

    • Suthenboy

      What I keep seeing is that the worst kinds of people are drawn to the left, an ideology concocted by and for the worst kinds of people.
      The individualist is a person who understands that personal liberty entails personal responsibility. Personal responsibility is holy water to the collectivist vampire.

      You can guess with near 100% accuracy how someone votes by their regard for truth and responsibility.

      • The Other Kevin

        They are miserable people, and the only happiness they get is when other people are miserable too. They’ve rejected all the things that have traditionally given people purpose: family, church, career, maybe building a business.

    • Nephilium

      So… we should start teaching progressives to be Browns fans?

      • slumbrew

        Too cruel.

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        Well, Obama did let them down…

  22. The Late P Brooks

    And if it does push failure down the road, that leaves customers to deal with the problem long after their warranties have expired. And if you ask Valentin, that’s as much a feature as it is a bug.

    “What they’re doing here is they’re trying to get people out of warranty so that this design flaw becomes an asset rather than a liability,” he said. “The bottom line here is they’re playing finances. They’re playing financial chess.”

    No

    fucking

    way.

  23. The Late P Brooks

    Doesn’t seem worth the added complexity. But what do I know.

    You can save half a second or more off every shift. That helps your reported 0-60 times.

    • UnCivilServant

      So, not worth the added complexity for the average driver.

  24. The Late P Brooks

    Needs more emotionally evocative stagecraft

    In the aftermath of Charlie Kirk’s assassination, President Donald Trump and his allies have threatened to bring the weight of the federal government against what they refer to as the “radical left.”

    “It is a vast domestic terror movement,” Stephen Miller, Trump’s top policy adviser, said Monday.

    “With God as my witness, we are going to use every resource we have at the Department of Justice, Homeland Security and throughout this government to identify, disrupt, dismantle and destroy these networks and make America safe again for the American people,” he added. “It will happen, and we will do it in Charlie’s name.”

    He should make an address to the nation from a dramatically lit pulpit carefully crafted to evoke patriotism and loyalty to the office of the Presidency. Maybe have some Marine honor guards as props.

    • creech

      Maybe Leni Riefenstahl’s great granddaughter is available to stage the event?

    • Suthenboy

      They are going after Soros and his ilk, hopefully their entire networks of NGOs. It is about time. Maybe shooting a peaceful guy who was personal friends with some of the most powerful people in the world wasnt the smart play.

    • rhywun

      Does Trump even have it in him to stage a Nazi rally look-alike…?

      He’s more likely to do that towel dance than bark into the microphone.

    • Rat on a train

      I know someone with experience who is looking for speaking engagements.

  25. Mad Scientist

    Dual clutch transmissions have much more in common with manual gear boxes than automatics. As a result, less horsepower is put into pumping fluids around, so you get more power to the road. What that means for manufacturers is you can sell an “automatic” that has the fuel economy of a traditional manual, so you can put a slightly smaller engine in and make it easier to hit CAFE requirements.

    The problem here is not the dual clutch, it’s the valve bores cast into the transmission housing. The bores erode over time. Replacing the valve does nothing since the bores the valve sits in is now oversized, so the new valve leaks just as much as the old one did.

    The work required to remove the transmission, disassemble it, fix the case, reassemble, and reinstall is more expensive than just replacing the entire transmission. And that’s very expensive, so GM would prefer to bandaid the problem until the vehicle is out of warranty.

  26. The Late P Brooks

    The problem here is not the dual clutch, it’s the valve bores cast into the transmission housing. The bores erode over time.

    Sometimes I think those guys have willfully forgotten everything they ever knew about metallurgy.

    • Sensei

      No – they just discovered the power of cheap finite element analysis. Why “overengineer” something when I can save, weight, save cost and get a bonus too?

      The models said we would be OK in tail use situations. We didn’t realize Jerry in procurement was going to switch providers of XXX Alloy. It was supposed to be the same blend of 7 herbs and spices.

  27. The Late P Brooks

    Replacing the valve does nothing since the bores the valve sits in is now oversized, so the new valve leaks just as much as the old one did.

    The bore never wears concentrically. Maybe they could whip up some oversized oval valves.

    • Mad Scientist

      Someone get the NR500 engineers on the phone!

  28. The Late P Brooks

    Why “overengineer” something when I can save, weight, save cost and get a bonus too?

    Whatever you d0o, don’t make the easy-to-replace part be the one subject to destructive wear.

    • Sensei

      You realize this the same GM that gave us the Chevy Vega and it’s aluminum engine. I think the cost of cast iron liners was $5 so end cost to the customer maybe $20 for motor that didn’t ingest oil at almost the same rate as coolant and gasoline.

    • Suthenboy

      Oh for fuck’s sake. Apparently neither does google’s AI.

    • Nephilium

      In case you were unaware, she was (until recently) a member of the DNC as well.

  29. The Late P Brooks

    Experts told NBC News that the Trump administration appears to be using Kirk’s assassination as an excuse to crack down on left-wing individuals and groups. While administration officials have yet to detail their plans, statements by Miller and others raise questions of who exactly would be targeted, how, and what effect this might have in stifling political dissent.

    “We have nothing specific to base these claims on, but we’ll just accuse him of preparing to round up all political dissidents and have them shot. That’s what we’d do.”

    • Suthenboy

      Experts you say? Well then…..

      I might be able to give them a clue who might be targeted. Maybe the people who organize and pay for riots? I am just guessing. Finding out who those people are is child’s play. I am glad someone who can do something about it is finally curious who those people are.

    • The Other Kevin

      I’m telling you, the next play is “See! Trump’s being a dictator JUST LIKE WE TOLD YOU!”

  30. The Late P Brooks

    Cadillac did the same with that wretched V-8 in the ’80s.

    The northstar? A little maintenance goes a long way. Just don’t get it hot.

  31. The Late P Brooks

    The Hook and Tow 4100, I mean High Technology 4100?

    Oh, the randomized displacement one.

    • Tundra

      Yeah. The one that used to puke headbolts ffs. My Buddy had a Sedan deVille that grenaded. What a terrible motor.

  32. Sensei

    Police had a warrant for a different Jennifer—Jennifer Delcarmen Heath—who was 23 years younger; five inches shorter; and had a different hair color, eye color, skin tone, social security number, and home address.

    I don’t know. It seems that is asking an awful lot of trivial differences for police to consider for them to lose qualified immunity.

    https://ij.org/press-release/victory-broward-county-officers-not-entitled-to-qualified-immunity-for-arresting-innocent-woman-in-case-of-mistaken-identity/

  33. The Late P Brooks

    Second is the good he could do with a diplomacy degree. “For us Palestinians, we really lost everything that we had as refugees. We lost our land, money, the opportunity to live a life of dignity. And the only hope that we have is through education. They are trying to steal away whatever hope is left there. And my hope is, through education, I can bring forward a just resolution for my people.”

    There’s good money in social justice NGO circle jerks.