Wednesday Afternoon Links of Substitution

by | Sep 2, 2026 | Daily Links | 115 comments

Sugar Free is otherwise occupied today with affairs both mundane and horrible. I didn’t inquire further, and neither should you. Because it’s that kind of day.

SEE, THEY IMPROVE SAFETY!!1! “Without this technology, we would have never found him.” That’s not the best reflection on your police force, Chief. It also discounts the possibility of members of the public responding to the missing person blast text.

TAKING ANOTHER WHACK AT THE PIÑATA: “DOJ says states must report all undocumented immigrants — or lose federal funds. Previous efforts to force states’ hands have failed in court.” Yeah, no shit.

BUT HE DELETED THOSE TWEETS, SO NO FAIR: The New Republic pitches a hissy fit about that mean ole Bari Weiss’ unfair reporting on Abdul El-Sayed, the Michigan Democrat candidate for US Senate. You see, he didn’t just delete his tweets about 9/11, he deleted all his posts from 2022 and before. All. Of. Them. Another media outlet (registration-walled) is circling the wagons and accusing CBS of manufacturing this, and deliciously scolds centrist Democrats for “allying with right-wing bigots” over this.

ENVIROS SILENT ON ILLEGALS HARVESTING SHELLFISH ILLEGALLY: There are a lot of people in Westport, CT who profess to care for the environment, or is that just a control mechanism to gain political power? Because, no one cares in Westport when their environment is being destroyed as long as its being done by illegal aliens. By the hundreds. Every Night. Till there is nothing left. Because to say anything would be to ally themselves with right-wing bigots.

THE ONE TIME THEY DON’T COMPARE US TO EUROPE: Democrat propaganda arm and one-time tax dollar leech NPR breathlessly reports on US heat deaths, blames climate change (of course), claims deaths undercounted and presents “modeled estimates,” and does not mention Europe’s heat death problem.

THE FLORIDA OF THE NORTH: Ohio Democratic congressional candidate Brian Poindexter was arrested for allegedly swallowing a rock of crack cocaine at a traffic stop after he was stopped by police and for slapping a man at a baseball game, according to police records obtained by the Washington Free Beacon. Hunter Biden could not be reached for comment.

SCHLOCK ART REMOVED FROM TRUMP KENNEDY CENTER: Adding insult to injury, the removal comes at a time when the institution is in crisis because of the renaming thing, those poor, sensitive ppl. Call me nyekulturny, but seeing this get taken down makes me almost as happy as seeing an illegal Guatemalan with four convictions being sent to Sierra Leone.

Well, that’s all I’ve got for today, Glibbies. I’ll leave you with this beautiful song which has been running through my head recently. Cheers!

About The Author

Tonio

Tonio

Tonio is a Glibs shitposter, linkster, writer, and editor. He is also a GlibZoom personality and prankster. Tonio is a big fan of pic-a-nic baskets. His hobbies include salmon fishing, territorial displays, dumpster diving, and posing for wildlife photographers.

115 Comments

  1. robc

    At the Denver airport, flying to Atlanta.

    May God have mercy on my soul.

    • robc

      I believe every single conspiracy theory about the Denver airport, including the contradictory ones.

      • Sean

        Look around closely for the mole people.

      • R.J.

        You can tell the lizard people by the tight, fake pink skin.

    • Ted S.

      Georgists don’t have souls.

    • Evan from Evansville

      Best airport experience? Moscow, 2011. Overnight layover between Korea and Paris. I was the only one in the airport. There weren’t even janitors roaming about. I *did* have a bottle of vodka. Rock on.

      That was a fairly wild, surreal experience.

  2. Rat on a train

    Trump is removing another person of color. The Kennedy Center should be a safe space.

    • dbleagle

      LOL. Tip of the monocle to you good sir.

  3. rhywun

    How a state “knows” whether someone is residing there illegally raises additional questions about herpity derpity doo

    It’s too much trouble. Let’s just keep spraying money everywhere – the right people will pick it up and know what to do with it.

      • rhywun

        I’m envisioning Monty Python bobbies who *poof* turn into faries waving magic wands. New Soviet Mamdani Man is coming. Everyone will be equal and happiness will rule – or else.

      • The Artist Formerly Known as Lackadaisical

        Anything equity is plainly illegal.

      • rhywun

        By 1703, about 42% of city households enslaved at least one person, the plan notes.

        Wallow in shame, white people.

  4. The Other Kevin

    Why is there any discussion about those Flock cameras? According to Trump crime is way, way down, so why do we need them? And if that’s not the case, we know that most crimes are committed by repeat offenders, so let’s lock them up and we won’t need the cameras.

    At this point I’m assuming every “controversy” on the Internet is fueled by bots, foreign actors, and 3-letter agencies.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Doesn’t matter, they’ll just continue to trot out the occasional well resolved Amber alert via Flock until we all live in the Panopticon. It’s for the kids man.

    • creech

      Why? Well, a local cop told my buddy that virtually every shoplifting ring arrest has been made through tracing the getaway cars through roadside cameras. Otherwise “we’d never get most of them.” Cop also noted that cameras are very beneficial to establishing one’s innocence when an alibi is required. One wonders how many innocent dudes sitting in jail for twenty years would have been let go if they could have established their whereabouts on film when the crime was committed?

      • Pat

        One wonders how many innocent dudes sitting in jail for twenty years would have been let go if they could have established their whereabouts on film when the crime was committed?

        99% of people already carry around individual GPS tracking devices that can provide the same data, responsive to a warrant probable cause National Security Letter.

      • Tonio

        “Film.” That’s so quaint.

      • Ted S.

        Mr. Lindsay Clancy, for one.

      • EvilSheldon

        Also quaint, is the notion that an unaccountable private data mining corporation would ever do anything against the interests of their government customers.

        If Flock’s platform were public, open-source, and searchable, I wouldn’t have much of a moral objection to it. But as it stands, Flock is basically a private law enforcement tool for setting up parallel construction scams. Among other things.

      • UnCivilServant

        If Flock’s database were public and open, it would still be an abomination.

        I want to dole out medieval punishments to everyone involved, as a warning to people who think it’s a good idea, and repeat it every few years when new people get ideas.

      • Pat

        If Flock’s database were public and open, it would still be an abomination.

        This to the Nth power. Don’t give them an inch.

    • Pat

      At this point I’m assuming every “controversy” on the Internet is fueled by bots, foreign actors, and 3-letter agencies.

      Always has been…

    • Tonio

      One of the many tinfoil answers to that is that Flock cameras are being used to justify data centers.

      • The Other Kevin

        I can add to that. I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone explain WHY they want to build a data center. There are tons of reasons: medical research, coding, even Facebook. Just pick a reason. But nobody is saying, “This data center will support that thing you’re doing with AI”.

      • Drake

        This. What data are you crunching that’s so intense you need giant dedicated buildings? Trajectory of spaceships? solving for Pi?

        Or tracking my every move (Flock cameras), my banking, my social media, my groceries…

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        Three words, Drake:

        Native. American. Nazi’s.

      • Pat

        Or tracking my every move (Flock cameras), my banking, my social media, my groceries…

        I remember being called terrorist-enabling paranoid conspiracy nut by a lot of the same people now shitting their britches about “AI data centers” when I was railing against this little facility the NSA built in the middle of the desert in Utah

      • Nephilium

        Pat:

        If the past 10 years have taught me anything, it’s that the cypherpunks were right.

      • Threedoor

        Wake me when we have private armies Neph.

      • Nephilium

        Threedoor:

        The cypherpunks were the ones pushing for everyone to be onboard with heavy encryption from the beginning, they were the ones doing public/private key encryption on their e-mails and communications. Very much in favor of privacy and encryption.

      • rhywun

        I hear that “quantum computing” will render encryption useless. I haven’t done a deep dive or anything, I have no idea how accurate that is.

      • Nephilium

        rhywun:

        My understanding is that quantum computing, theoretically, would allow brute force attacks on encryption at levels that make it meaningless.

      • kinnath

        https://spectrum.ieee.org/how-much-power-will-quantum-computing-need

        Google’s Quantum AI Lab has installed the latest generation of what D-Wave Systems describes as the world’s first commercial quantum computers. Quantum computing could potentially solve certain problems much faster than today’s classical computers while using comparatively less power to perform the calculations. Yet the energy efficiency of quantum computing still remains a mystery.

        For now, D-Wave’s machines can scale up the number of quantum bits (qubits) they use without significantly increasing their power requirements. That’s because D-Wave’s quantum computing hardware relies on a specialized design consisting of metal niobium loops that act as superconductors when chilled to a frigid 15 millikelvin (-273° C). Much of the D-Wave hardware’s power consumption—slightly less than 25 kilowatts for the latest machine—goes toward running the refrigeration unit that keeps the quantum processor cool. The quantum processor itself requires a comparative pittance.

        “The operation of the quantum processor itself requires remarkably little power—only a tiny fraction of a microwatt—which is essentially negligible in comparison to the power needs of the refrigerator and servers,” says Colin Williams, director of business development & strategic partnerships at D-Wave Systems.

        The question isn’t whether quantum computing will crush encryption. It’s who can afford to do it.

  5. Stinky Wizzleteats

    Seems reasonable to me. Let he who hasn’t swallowed a crack rock during a police stop cast the first stone.

    • JaimeRoberto feckful & gruntled

      I would cast the first stone, but I swallowed it.

    • Drake

      George Floyd’s ghost raises hand.

  6. The Late P Brooks

    Abdul El Sayad, all American boy.

  7. Pat

    SEE, THEY IMPROVE SAFETY!!1!

    I kind of admire how they made do with a “FOR THE GERIATRICS” when there were no missing children they could exploit to lobby for their surveillance state.

  8. The Late P Brooks

    Weiss, the founder of the pro-Israel blog The Free Press and a former New York Times opinion columnist, was tapped to run CBS News late last year, despite the fact that she had never worked in broadcast news, lacked traditional reporting experience, and had also never run a major news operation.

    Weiss’s business decisions atop the news giant have unequivocally and singlehandedly divorced CBS News from its decades-long place in America’s prestige news media circuit. What was once crowned the “gold standard” of broadcasting and was the home of some of journalism’s most venerable names, such as Walter Cronkite and Edward R. Murrow, has since devolved into a graveyard for journalistic ethics.

    Despite or because?

    They have abandoned their unflinchinf devotion and support for Democrat-ocracy. What a tragedy.

    • The Other Kevin

      pro-Israel blog The Free Press

      Yeah that’s all it is.

    • rhywun

      That whole article is peak snotty elitism. It was actually making me angry trying to read it.

  9. Pat

    DOJ says states must report all undocumented immigrants — or lose federal funds. Previous efforts to force states’ hands have failed in court.

    That only works for coercing the states to raise the legal drinking age.

    • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

      And the age of consent!

    • DEG

      And imposing emissions testing

  10. R.J.

    Jeez Louise, Tonio. Don’t scare me like that. I see the flaming porta potties and I think it’s Thursday.

    • Tonio

      Ha, ha.

      Sorry, R.J.

  11. rhywun

    “Michigan Democrat Abdul El-Sayed’s deleted tweets on Sept. 11 attacks invite scrutiny of past remarks.”

    That’s “blatently racist”. Go home, The New Republic. You’re drunk.

    • rhywun

      Continues in the screed, taps out.

      JFC. You are literally not allowed to criticize a Muslim, at all. It’s that simple.

      • Tonio

        “You are literally not allowed to criticize a Muslim, at all.”

        [sfx: Game show “winner” organ flourish]

        Tell him what he’s won, R.J.

        BTW, site ate my comment when I originally tried to post this.

      • rhywun

        Meanwhile this whole flapdoodle seems constructed to distract from his real problem – he is a socialist and therefore wants eventual communism because that is what socialists do.

        He has been trying to walk away from that too but nobody is buying it.

  12. Pat

    The 24-foot aluminum sculpture, named “Blue,” was gifted to the center in 2019. The art, which was created by famed American postminimalist sculptor Joel Shapiro, depicts a human stick figure “poised in mid-kick,” according to the Kennedy Center’s description.

    I unironically thought the pic was from a Minecraft mod or something.

    • Threedoor

      Someone should have painted it green and black.

    • Dr Mossy Lawn

      Rutgers had two of those type of artworks installed. They were called “The Red thing” and “The Blue thing”

      If you were particularly adventurous and went through the engineering building there was a “White thing” in a courtyard that was not on a high traffic path.

  13. The Late P Brooks

    Under Weiss’s stewardship, CBS News has killed critical stories in order to save face for the Trump administration. The network has also lost a cadre of veteran journalists, ranging from 60 Minutes executive producer Bill Owens to Anderson Cooper, to the company’s de facto face, Scott Pelley.

    The world is a whirl of dynamic change and confusion. This is why news organizations should be staffed by an unchanging cast of characters with rigid belief sets.

    • rhywun

      Oh no. How will we ever survive without those pompous assholes in our face.

    • creech

      Are the people you see on camera really “journalists” or just reading the teleprompter scripts written by others who’ve worked up the story with the people who actually researched and investigated the story?

      • Necron 99

        Research and investigation? Hahahahahahaha. They just read tweets now.

      • Trigger Hippie

        Talking Heads named their band Talking Heads for a reason.

      • Threedoor

        Reading tweets on camera with their phone in their hand.

  14. The Late P Brooks

    That sculpture looks like he just launched a bowling ball. The Professional Bowlers’ Association should buy it for their headquarters.

  15. Pat

    Don’t tell OMWC, but The Kinks > The Beatles

    • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

      Vanilla Ice is better than the Beatles.

      • Pat

        SHOTS FIRED

      • Threedoor

        He rollin in his 5.0.
        Don’t hate.

  16. Pat

    Democrat propaganda arm and one-time tax dollar leech NPR breathlessly reports on US heat deaths, blames climate change (of course), claims deaths undercounted and presents “modeled estimates,” and does not mention Europe’s heat death problem.

    And then there’s this:

    According to a 2021 study published in The Lancet Planetary Health, cold is far more deadly. For every death linked to heat, nine are connected to cold.

    • R.J.

      And how many died in France this year from heat? It was a ton, right?

      • The Bearded Hobbit

        It was a ton, right?

        Giraffes-full.

      • ron73440

        It was weight so we use hippos.

        Giraffes are for height, get your measurements straight.

      • R.J.

        Sorry. We are talking about Europe. It was a metric ton.

      • whiz

        Thanks for mentioning this Pat. I try to bring it up every time it gets discussed here.

    • Trigger Hippie

      “Man falls off ladder while cleaning out gutters, dies. Autopsy reveals he had COVID at the time, COVID death.”

      Pepperidge Farms remembers…

    • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

      Love me a fox body.

    • Threedoor

      I never got the Fox Body when they were new but that looks decent.

  17. Q Continuum

    Ass Wednesday makes your life less pointless (sorry Tonio/rhywun/anyone else who swings that way, only female asses).

    https://archive.is/hvKRR

    • Pat

      9, 12, and 16 (and is that a black Main Coon?).

      (sorry Tonio/rhywun/anyone else who swings that way, only female asses)

      Asses work on all platforms. It’s the Java of biology.

  18. UnCivilServant

    This week still hasn’t gotten better. I get back to the house to a nastygram from the power company because their contractor decided to try to inspect the gas meter when I wasn’t in.

    Dude, the basement isn’t locked because I had to cut the shackle when the last lock rusted (I will fix it), The gas meter is literally right next to the stairs. Watch your step, those stairs like killing people.

    And the school tax bill was in the mailbox. I hate the local school district. They think they’re entitled to even more of my money despite providing zero services.

    • UnCivilServant

      I did, however make it to Vermont. It was a relaxing drive. Not sure if I got a good rate at the ammo store, but I could go broke there.

      What’s the rate in free states for 9mm?

      • Threedoor

        I lbe bought from these guys for plinking ammo.

        I live in a town with two pretty big ammo manufacturing plants and it never seems that we get any better prices than anywhere else in the country.

    • Threedoor

      The local teachers union steward should at least come by and give you a reacharound.

  19. The Late P Brooks

    Meanwhile this whole flapdoodle seems constructed to distract from his real problem – he is a socialist and therefore wants eventual communism because that is what socialists do.

    I have come to the very sad realization hardly anybody in this country understands what wealth is or how it is created.

    It’s not just the avowed socialists desperately working to kill that goose.

  20. R.J.

    I agreed to help my daughter with her French homework if she would pronounce “ singe capitulard mangeur de fromage” on camera.

    • UnCivilServant

      French isn’t a serious language.

      • Sensei

        At least it use the Latin alphabet!

      • UnCivilServant

        Not really. It’s got these weird non-letters mixed in with extra scribbles around them.

      • R.J.

        “ Je capitule ! Prenez mon fromage!”

  21. Grumbletarian

    JFC, one of the worst offensive teams in baseball has been clobbering Red Sox pitching for the last three games.

    • rhywun

      I thought the Mets were in Tampa Bay this week.

  22. The Late P Brooks

    Not sending their best

    A 20-year-old Haitian who had just graduated high school and had recently lost temporary protected status died by suicide Monday, according to an advocacy group representing his family.

    Pierre Damas Bel, who arrived in the U.S. in 2024 to reunite with his parents who had fled Haiti, got out of his vehicle on an interstate in Springfield, Ohio, and walked into traffic, law enforcement officials told local news outlets.

    The Ohio State Highway Patrol told ABC News it is investigating Bel’s death. In a statement, the agency confirmed that Bel parked on Interstate 70, exited his Toyota and entered the westbound lanes of the highway.

    A 20 year old high school senior?

    If you want to kill yourself, be my guest, but don’t put it on somebody else. Go find a roof to jump off.

    • Evan from Evansville

      “Go find a roof to jump off.” Someone’s gotta clean up that, too. Just speedball your way out. After properly evacuating yourself, go someplace quiet, and exit with some fun. Spend your second to last $20 on your supply, and that last bill downtown downtown to complete the trifecta. *shrug*

      Cleaning up a mangled body in an alley wouldn’t be pleasant.

      • UnCivilServant

        I suppose you’d have to tie an anchor to your ankle and throw yourself in the sea, so the fish do the disposal instead of some poor sod.

      • Evan from Evansville

        Ya, see, UCS? Now you’re thinkin’ ahead! Never at all serious, but just play-thinking, OD-ing in the jungle and leaving a passport + note with the hotel/etc to let them /family know.

        Let the jungle critters have a free meal. *shrug* A combo of ‘not bothering anyone, let folk know to not panic or anything, and go out on many feel-good drugs’ idea. Hallucinogens in that setting would be a terrible idea.

    • Brochettaward

      I’d leave it sitting there as a warning to the rest of the Haitians.

    • Threedoor

      Plan your roof jump so you land next to a storm drain. That way it’s easy cleanup.

    • rhywun

      arrived in the U.S. in 2024 to reunite with his parents who had fled Haiti

      Wut. This is no more believable than it was this morning without that detail.

  23. Brochettaward

    All these robot tests to get on here are starting to make me wonder if I’m not some kind of advance Firsting AI developed by the CIA decades ago. And that all of you exist to monitor my Thetan levels.

    • Pat

      Big if true.

  24. The Late P Brooks

    Hard left, helmsman

    Andy Burnham has promised to set out plans for “stronger public control” of essential services as he addressed the House of Commons for the first time since taking power.

    The prime minister said “a series of wrong turns” since the 1980s had seen economic power in the UK privatised and pointed to the water industry as “a leaking monument to that approach – a country run in the private rather than public interest”.

    Back to the glory days of pre-Thatcherite state socialism.

    • Threedoor

      It’s not like Muslim countries are big on functioning water and sewer systems anyway.

    • rhywun

      And pro-Brussels, of course. I hope for their sake he doesn’t do too much damage before Brits wake up and toss out these commies for good.

      • R.J.

        The sleeper cannot awaken. Britain is doomed.

      • rhywun

        A lot more of this two-tier shit like encouraging mass Muslim prayer while jailing England flag wavers might wake some more people up. Who knows. Dark times ahead.

      • R.J.

        Very much so.

      • Raven Nation

        ” before Brits wake up and toss out these commies for good.”

        Hahahahahahahahah – you’re such an optimist R.

      • Threedoor

        They will ban dogs and don burkas. No awakening or civil war will happen.

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        The Brits are a catatonic patient who’s been shocked repeatedly and they’re still catatonic. Call the time because they ain’t waking up.

      • rhywun

        you’re such an optimist R.

        😀👍

      • R C Dean

        If mass gang rape of children didn’t wake them up, nothing will.

        Britain is lost.

      • Evan from Evansville

        Yes, Britain’s gone bye-bye. It would take them an even more dramatic Big Event to wake up, and they’re in no position to overcome the happily welcomed invasion, mostly cuz they’ve already happily disarmed themselves.

  25. Mojeaux

    I did the needful. This way to the egress. >>

    • rhywun

      😀👍