Mitch moaned and advanced on Elaine as she brandished a cattleprod. “We have to get you to the Senate!” she said loudly. They had to swaddle him just that morning to sew an ear back on, the sheets they used were piled on the floor, soaked with unspeakable fluids....
COPE, The Musical Who Could Replace Graham Platner? Democrats’ brief experiment in letting their hair down and nominating a Senate candidate who makes them feel edgy has all but concluded. After a well-corroborated Politico story in which an ex claimed that Graham...
"Whoa, there, tough guy... Are you planning to rape me with your shuckin' dick?" "It’s hard to not be smug,” Lump purred. “I wanted Platner as my plaything in the Senate, but this will do nicely.” “I can excuse the Nazi tattoo, and the stalking, and the jacking off in...
A stunning blizzard of non sequiturs, lies, excuses and equivocations. Never change, New Republic.DOGE’s “Big Balls” Was Beaten Up—and Musk Is Already Lying About It The billionaire claimed that Coristine heroically stopped “a gang of about a dozen young men” from...
“BIG BALLS!” Elon sang, Elon sprang. “BIG BALLS!” Donald cried, waving the African-American into The Oval Office. “Who let him back in?” the hair asked, hat-grumpy. “You can’t buy this sort of PR,” the hat said, hair-blithe. “I’m really proud of Eddie,” Elon said....
The hat and the hair’s phone beeped. A text message. and I’m here The hat groaned. The hair groaned as well. He slithered off his mannequin head perch. “It’s too early for this shit.” Beep. to remind you “Godammit,” the hat muttered. “He’s not going to stop,” the hair...
The shit-fit over The Colbert Show being cancelled pleases SugarFree. The audience for his whiny bullshit anti-humor is literally dying off. He was losing CBS $40,000,000 a year. The real issue is why wasn't he cancelled before now. The conspiracy theory I'm going...
“I love you so much,” Cracky whispered to Hunter, bright eyes piercing, begging to be smoked. “I love you too, Cracky,” Hunter whispered back. He was in his filthy room in his father’s Delaware mansion, in soiled underwear, half-eaten bowls of ramen rotting...
Very close to the perfect Hit&Run thread. It is the thread that convinced me to join it. When you've never read it, note that Viking Moose keep posting on it for years, so only the posts label as "19 years go" are original to the thread.Your Tears Are So Yummy and...
“Does the Epstein List even exist?” the hair asked. “I’m not sure anyone knows,” the hat said. “I said I would release it," Donald said. “Pammy has betrayed me.” “How much sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is to have a disloyal henchman,” the hat misquoted....
I wish there was an outrage organ in the human body that just wore out in about five years and catastrophists like this would die and go to an eternal Zoom meeting where they are tortured forever in the manner of Tantalus, the mute button pulling away as they...
“Rubio is next,” Donald said, “He’s got to go.” “Hey, hey, ho, ho,” the hat chanted. “I don’t like the way he looks at me in press conferences,” Donald said. “Do you guys think we spend too much time just hanging around The Oval Office by ourselves?” the hair asked....
Apparently, this exists. I had no idea.Black Sign Language Black American Sign Language (BASL) or Black Sign Variation (BSV) is a dialect of American Sign Language (ASL)[2] used most commonly by deaf Black Americans in the United States. The divergence from ASL was...
“Fucking Massie,” Donald rumbled, his bald head cool in the summer morning. “He’s a libertarian,” the hat said, “Nobody cares about them.” “He defied me,” Donald said. “And we will primary him,” the hat said. “I’m sure Kentucky has plenty of people that we can...
AOC Reacts After Andrew Cuomo Concedes To Zohran Mamdani In NYC Primary Ocasio-Cortez reacted to the concession by applauding the New York state assemblyman. "Congratulations, @ZohranKMamdani!" the congresswoman, widely seen as the face of the Democratic Party's...
“It’s horrible, it’s terrible, and most of all it’s just a goddamn shame,” the hat said. “I know, I know,” the hair said. “It’s just awful.” “What are you two on about?” Donald asked. The sharp crack of his first can of Diet Coke of the day was as comforting to him as...
“We’re at war, we’re at war!” the hat squealed happily. He made whooshing jet plane noises for a full thirty seconds. “This is not a good thing,” the hair said. “Since when did you get all bleeding heart fag about it?” “I’ve told you before, I’m an isolationist.” “And...
“DONALD!” “Wot inna bloody ‘ell is all this then?” the hat asked in his sleepy bedtime voice. “DONALD!” The hair groaned and stretched on his perch. “It’s fucking Elon.” “DONALD!” “What does it take for this guy to get a hint?” Donald asked, getting out of bed and...
Habiba Soliman wanted to be a doctor. Then, her father firebombed Jewish marchers in Boulder She moved to the United States with a dream of studying medicine. She had stepped off her high school graduation stage in May. Then her father, Mohamed Soliman, drove from...
“Father, where is Uncle Elon?” Barron asked, in the baboon-hot Oval Office. Donald looked up from the book he was reading, and said, “I’m sure he’s somewhere, son.” “But I looked, Father. The DOGE office is empty, and he hasn’t invited me to play Dungeons and Dragons...
Passenger arrested for ‘smacking’ boy who called her ‘fat’ and ‘Miss Piggy’ on flight home from Disney trip A female passenger has been charged with child abuse for attacking a child who had called her “fat” and “Miss Piggy” on a flight home from Disney World,...
The Cast21 Unexpected Heavy Hitters for a Democratic Shadow Cabinet “Can we at least turn some damn lights on?” Letitia asked. “No,” Mark said, “We are the shadow cabinet and I like applesauce.” “We should use green energy,” Freddie said. The assorted Johns chorused...
Who were the ancient Denisovans? Fossils reveal secrets about the mysterious humans It was the finger seen around the world. In 2008, archaeologists working in Denisova Cave in southern Siberia, Russia, uncovered a tiny bone: the tip of the little finger of an ancient...
Theology.
this is drake's fault "Whoopi! Whoopi!" the natives cried as they circled the young sacrifices. "I lobe you, Dabid," Sandy said around her broken noise. "You have a vagina!" David said, aghast. "I could never date anyone with a swamp monster!" Joy drove a...