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PART II
ELEVATOR TO THE GALLOWS

67

SHE ALMOST CRIED when her body began to fall apart underneath Trey.

“That’s right,” he crooned in her ear while he slowly slid in and out of her the way Sister Albright had told her it would happen, and all she could do was tense up as it built built built … “Good,” he whispered. “Just right. Put your arms around my neck, Sugar, like you’re going to give me a big old hug.”

She did and he lowered himself until his bare chest was smashing her breasts. One hand was on the pillow next to her ear while the other was tucked between their bodies, his finger tickling a spot in her between, and then he was kissing her again. She closed her eyes with a sigh and kissed him back, feeling his body undulate against her as he went in and out, touching that sensitive spot in her between that she had never noticed before, where all the tingles started.

“You good?” he whispered, touching his forehead to hers.

“Uh huh.”

He kept her gaze, his ice blue eyes warm, his hips still moving, his breath coming as short as hers. “You know what I’m doing right now?” he asked, flicking her between with his fingers.

“Not … really. I … It makes me feel funny.”

“Mmm hm. It’s supposed to. You tell me when you feel like you want to sneeze.”

She almost asked him what he meant by that, but she understood: It felt like her body wanted to sneeze and it was building building building …

She gasped so hard she nearly choked, her back arching almost off the bed, her legs clamping around his hips, wanting to get closer to him, but she couldn’t get any closer or tighter.

Suddenly his back arched and he rammed into her and stayed and she wanted him to, even though her sensations had all faded, except the memory of that big bang when her wound-up body exploded and she’d wanted it to last …

He let out a groan and a long sigh before he looked down at her and grinned. “Did that feel like a chore?”

She smiled shyly, which, considering they were both naked and he was still inside her, was silly. “No.”

“This is what I like,” he said low. “The middle. You, letting go. We’ll deal with you being embarrassed tomorrow, because you will be. I know you too well.” He dropped a kiss on the tip of her nose then withdrew from her and laid beside her. “Go pee, then wash yourself off. Girls get sick sometimes if they don’t.”

Her smile faded. He would know.

“Oh, hey now,” he said quickly. “I don’t do that with anybody else. I married you. Made the deal in good faith, like I did my employees, y’see? ‘I do,’ means I’m going to be faithful to you. So that’s it for me. I’m not looking to make some other girl feel what a man should be making his wife feel. And I’m not going to go find a side piece.”

“No matter what?”

“No matter what.”

She was shy again, because nothing was quite as embarrassing as a girl’s husband telling her to clean up after doing this, not even upchucking and letting him help her through it. She sat up, making sure her back was all he could see in the meager light, and reached for her nightgown.

“Nuh uh uh. Good wives let their husbands watch them naked.”

She looked down at him sharply. “You made that up.”

“No, I did not,” he said firmly. “I like looking at you naked. Maybe someday you’ll like looking at me naked too, but for now, I wanna see you.”

“But I’m—”

“Pregnant,” he said firmly. “With my baby. I look at you and know I did that.” He gave her a crooked smile. “G’on now, then hurry back. I’m tired and I wanna go to sleep. With you. Naked. All snuggled up.”

Marina did what he said, too numb from the aftermath of all those sensations, all the new stuff crammed in her brain, all the pain of what she had always been taught, all the pain of knowing she had to walk a fine line between chore and whore, struggling to stay inside her. And it did hurt. Physical pain. Like a chick pecking its way out of its shell, only her body was the shell and she felt every sharp little blow of its sharp little beak. The powder wasn’t helping her forget that.

She wished there were a way for it to make her forget only the stuff she wanted to forget.

She went into the bathroom and closed the door. She sat on the toilet and tinkled, but while she did she bent over at the waist and buried her face in her hands and sobbed as quietly as she could.

She was forever changed and she wasn’t a good girl anymore and that hurt, too, because good girls didn’t do that, and doing that with her husband wasn’t supposed to be pleasant but it was out of this world and she wanted to again, God help her.

Maybe she should just do it so many times it became normal. After all, she’d also been taught that sinning over and over made you crave more sin and …

Everything’s uncomfortable and feels wrong when it’s new.

Having fun. All the time.

Well, how long did it really take to cook and clean for one person? What else was she supposed to do when it was done and Fairyland wasn’t open?

It occurred to her that riding rollercoasters gave her the exact same feeling, except not as intense and there was no body sneeze at the end. “Oh, my goodness,” she whispered, horrified at herself. She kept riding the rollercoaster to get the sneeze that never happened.

She needed to follow Trey’s instructions and stop thinking. It hurt too much.

She took a shower and returned presently to find him lying on the crisp white sheets with his hands behind his head, waiting. Watching. The bed was turned down, but he wasn’t covered. She scurried to put out the light, then dragged her feet to bed.

He said nothing. When she sat on the edge, he gently pulled her down into his arms.

The night was warm, the curtains snapping in the breeze coming through the windows. Even a sheet would be too hot, but she needed the security of being covered.

He wouldn’t let her. He rolled his naked body half on top of hers, ran his fingers gently through her hair over and over again until she sighed and let him.

Then it was morning.

She remembered.

67

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