“I told you that evil little dwarf was going to take the 5th,” the hat said, the lights of the TV reflected in his bulbous bloodshot eyes.
“But he’s been pardoned,” the hair said. “I didn’t think he could take the 5th.”
“You watch too many gangster movies,” the hat said.
“I probably just should’ve had him killed,” Donald said. “Bibi offered. Great guy. Tall enough. Could be taller. You can’t trust short people. Who knows what they are doing down there.”
“Rand should hold him in contempt,” the hair said.
“Drag him out in shackles,” the hat said. “Beat him with the Congressional Mace!”
“Cost me the 2020 election with his bullshit virus,” Donald said. “I never had COVID. The whole thing is probably fake.”
“Uh, Donald…” the hair began.
“You had it dozens of times,” the hat said. “Our future selves kept coming back to cure you.”
“I don’t remember that, so you must be lying,” Donald said, dropping the hat on the desk.
“I almost forgot we can time travel,” the hair said.
“Do you not remember that story or are you just stupid?” the hat asked.
“If you can travel in time, why did I still lose the 2020 election?” Donald asked.
“Ha! They just expelled someone from the hearing!” the hat crowed.
“Our future selves said that you needed to be elected President in 2024,” the hair said. “You have some purpose you need to be President to solve.”
“The future depends on this!” the hat said in a booming voice, repeating “this, this, this” as he trailed off.
“I demand to speak to them!” Donald said.
“Did we travel in time?” the hair asked.
“I guess so,” the hat replied. “Unless it was all a fever dream.”
“I don’t have fever dreams,” Donald said. “I don’t dream at all. I close my eyes and then wake up.”
“Donald, you dream all the time,” the hair said. “You twitch like a dreaming cat and occasionally meow.”
Donald snatched the hair off his head and threw it to the floor.
“I guess this is Revelation Day,” the hat said. “Are we going to tell him about all of it?”
“All of what?” Donald demanded, the AC of the Oval Office cool on his bald head.
“You are just going to forget again,” the hair said. “But you were once visited by three ghosts…”
“I forget nothing,” Donald said flatly. He pointed at the TV. “I want him in chains, I want him fed into an industrial press. Those hard hats in that Ohio plant I saved owe me.”
“They all died,” the hair said gently.
“Then time travel again!” Donald said. “Get him back in the past.”
“No, time travel fiction sucks,” the hat said. “It destroys franchises. Nothing means anything when anything can be changed.”
“It’s as bad multiverse nonsense,” the hair said.
“No, that’s worse,” a hair variant from universe 47 said, and then disappeared like a popped soap bubble.
Huzzah! And folks don’t forget, it’s the last Wednesday of the month. That means tonight’s cartoon is brand new!
Woohoo!
Thanks for the heads-up, and for the reveal.
Crap, I have to pay my bills.
You don’t *have* to pay them. You can wait for the DSA administration to write them off for you.
While National Grid might take a while to cut me off, Spectrum will shut down my internet in a heartbeat.
The Steve Harvey morning show has a segment they call the “Strawberry Letter”.(I don’t know why it’s called that)
90% of them are some of the dumbest people writing to ask other, slightly less dumb people for advice in situations their stupidity landed them in.
One that I remember was about a man that was either retarded or he was a genius.
A woman was complaining that her boyfriend would not pay his bills every few months and he used that money to take her traveling.
His logic was they wouldn’t shut off services for a missed payment here or there and he would not have to worry about it once he died(he was 50 something)
She wanted to know if marrying this man was a good idea.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NRVA2YBhrrQ
So very true.
The Anubis Gates beg to differ. But! it was never franchised, so there is that.
Nothing tends to make sense as well.
I can’t be the only one who looks at like the new Avengers slop and asks so are these even supposed to be the same characters from the same timeline? And I’m sure down the road it’ll be convenient for them to say that no they weren’t.
Having an infinite versions of the character you care about kind of makes you feel like the universe itself looking at us. We’re pissants of no value.
Marvel has literally wiped out entire timelines. They’ve had hero characters responsible for it. And the significance of that isn’t exactly addressed because the people writing this slop are nepo babies hired for their genitalia, sexual orientation, and race rather than achievement.
Which is the point I think that gets missed the most about such slop. The diversity on screen is very easy to see and gets the most controversy, but they have (to quote Nerdrotic) resorted to “casting” the people behind the screen as well. And even when the content on screen itself isn’t woke, the entire shitty process that made the thing was heavily woke.
That’s where I start getting annoyed at people who want to piss on the idea that this is killing Hollywood. They’ll talk about how this or that bad project wasn’t bad because it was woke and just shitty in general and they don’t bother to ask why nearly everything Hollywood makes, woke or not woke, has declined so significantly in quality in such a short span of time.
Nearly every major movie I’ve seen feels dumber than the shit that came before it and most of that wasn’t exactly high brow. They couldn’t even turn out a coherent Independence Day sequel. Bill Pullman’s speech in the first movie is like Shakespeare compared to what they turn out today.
Having an infinite versions of the character you care about kind of makes you feel like the universe itself looking at us. We’re pissants of no value.
That’s what I liked about Rick and Morty – Rick access to an infinite number of parallel realities had made him utterly indifferent to any particular one. Which would seem to be a natural result.
No love for Donnie Darko?
To be fair, the time travel didn’t ruin that franchise – the director completely losing his mind did.
I didn’t care for that movie.
I love that movie.
The true Bad Bunny.
DD is a movie you watch once.
It’s good like million dollar baby is good.
One and done cause it’s too nuts.
Star Trek went back in time to jump the shark on time travel.
Jump the whale?
Aurther J. Spockarelli
Punch the dinosaur?
“Donald, you dream all the time,” the hair said. “You twitch like a dreaming cat and occasionally meow.”
LMAO
Bill the Cat reference?
“During the January 6, 2021 attack attempting to prevent Congress from certifying the 2020 presidential election, Joyce Hamlett, the Keeper of the Mace, rushed it off the floor of the House chamber to protect it from intruders.”
That’s a paying job?
One that should be eliminated. Along with the archaic England-imitating artifact it’s responsible for. Ship the royal sceptre off to the Smithsonian and put it in a glass case as a relic of the past.
But the new director will claim it is a dinosaur king penis, and we cannot have that!
Don’t ding the Tyrant Lizard King’s dingaling bling.
Yes, although the Keeper of the Tarragon isn’t happy about it because he is a volunteer, and the Thyme Keeper is a smug bastard because he gets to make bank in his side gig working sporting events.
It’s worth having to legally change their names to Herb Carrier.
Do not ask about the Keeper of Rosemary! Poor girl the SA was bad enough but what happened when she gave birth was…
I had to check.
https://thehill.com/capital-living/20776-joyce-hamlett-the-keeper-of-the-mace/
It’s an administrative role – with that tacked onto it to make it seem important.
And retiring after 35 years.
Gobment cheddar.
Like whitehouse calligrapher.
Congress officially has more Keepers of the Mace than they do Keepers of the First and that’s what’s wrong with this world.
Keeper of the Mace should be responsible for spraying annoying congress pooples with actual mace,
Hitting them with a mace is better, at least if done forcefully enough.
Here’s a picture of the thing.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mace_of_the_United_States_House_of_Representatives
13 lbs, over 3 feet of moment arm? That will do some damage, the wings look especially skull cracking.
Wait, hitting them with Nancy Mace?
I would think if you were the “Keeper of the Mace” you should be able to use it against any who tried to take it.
More importantly, you have a mace. Why are you fleeing? Have you forgotten the names of your ancestors? The Congressional Mace should have been returned to it’s rightful place dripping with the blood of the enemy!
We should be singing songs of the mace, and the keepers that kept bashing the heads of our enemies.
Now I’m imagining a Frazetta style painting of the Keeper battling hordes of bestial J6ers.
The J6ers weren’t bestial.
rushed it off the floor of the House chamber to protect it from intruders.
And thank heavens she did! Everyone knows that whoever holds the mace is in charge of the country.
I thought that was the Power of the Podium.
Do they really need more than one artifact?
New spin off: The Podium and the Mace! True Tails of Daring Do!
I assumed it was a reference to Nancy Mace.
“You have some purpose you need to be President to solve.”
Peace in our time?
My First arrived just the other day
It came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay
It learned to First while I was away
And it was Firstin’ ‘fore I knew it, and as it grew
It’d say, “I’m gonna be like you, Dad
You know I’m gonna be First like you”
And the First’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little First goo and the man on the moon
“When you comin’ home, Dad?”
“I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then
You know we’ll have a First time then”
If your first time is with your Dad that is bad, m’kay?
Out-Firsting the father is the nature of Firsting. It’s innate and intrinsic aspect of the id that sets the body itself into motion among the Firsting race.
Do not attack my culture with your primitive concept of morality. You seconding bigot.
Not Harry Chapin. Anything but Cat in the stupid fucken cradle. It makes me want to break records, and that’s a heresy.
Goddammit now that is running through my head. 😠
You guys want some Firster goo?
Ship the royal sceptre off to the Smithsonian and put it in a glass case as a relic of the past.
“And now we come to the symbolic representation of the brutal rape of the indigenous peoples and all the helpless enslaved victims of the white man’s insatiable thirst for wealth and power.”
This
Tim hortons is trash. That is all.
How’s your trip going, Pie?
Depends how you assess being attacked by hordes of whiny Canucks, which is his immediate future. Threaten to annex them Pie, they hate that.
Eh fine enough even though I am spending too much moneys. I managed to hurt my finger while driving and it looks a little.infected but hopefully it will go away.
Didnt like Toronto that much it seems i do not like cities with tons of skyscrapers. Ugly skyline ugly buildings. I failed to fi d good specialty coffee but i assume i did not go to the right place theres tons of coffe shops
You should probably treat it before your finger goes away. That sort of thing can lead to blood poisoning and that has to suck for you.
Flipping off American drivers? Hope it’s OK!
I did not drive so.much since 2015. I think i held.my fingers pressed to hard agains each other holding the wheel
He saw a “magic fingers” bed and thought he was supposed to put his finger in it.
https://photos.app.goo.gl/J7Gzsfsiv88MKgED9
Driving like Hellen Keller?
One hand on the wheel one on the road. Leads to abrasion.
https://photos.app.goo.gl/J7Gzsfsiv88MKgED9
Just stick a needle in it, drain it, if induced by a splinter or something, extract said foreign object. Soak in a bit of alcohol.
Or just rub some dirt on it.
Wuss.
Were you still in the US, I’d mention that lancets* are OTC, so you could get a sterile option rather than any old needle.
*most commonly available for diabetes blood test kits, but you just need the sharp bit and not the test strips or machine.
Looks like you can still save most of the finger. Just cut it off at the knuckle, and you should be fine.
You don’t need to wait
till daylightsix months for an appointment, you can go buy NeosporinPie,
I used to get those type infections as a younger Score. I would lance it with a razor blade, drain it with a little pressure. Pretty much as P. Meat has outlined.
It will immediately feel better, cover it with a band aid.
You’re going to get yourself thrown out of Canada with that language.
I’m not saying you’re wrong.
Timbits taste like sugar and little else. The coffee is bad. Come at me.
Still better than Starbucks. (Low bar)
I havent had starbucks in years
Thomas hammer. Bad
Bunking donuts. Bad.
McDonald’s. Bad.
Starbucks dark roast: Sumatra, Yukon, French, Italian. Good. The rest of it is bad weak sauce grandma coffee like the others.
Peet’s Major Dickenson’s blend is my go-to. Whole bean, ground just before brewing of course.
The best coffee is the 9 year old generic brand Keurig knock offs, that have obviously been stored in a damp basement that you get in the motels that have lost their chain affiliation and are owned and staffed by people who do not speak a word of English.
Any blend is shit coffee by definition. Single origin fresh roasted, light roast, ethiopia kenya costa rica etc
I’ve been getting almost all of my coffee from these folks. They’re Free Staters.
and yes, Porcupine Coffee Roasting makes good coffee.
Roast your own micro-lot organic Fair Trade or GTFO.
“The best coffee is the 9 year old generic brand Keurig knock offs, that have obviously been stored in a damp basement that you get in the motels that have lost their chain affiliation and are owned and staffed by people who do not speak a word of English.”
And this is the person who is telling you what type of sights to use. For shame.
Vile slander against the noble roasters and blenders.
Also, I prefer city roasts. But really almost any coffee can be good if it’s prepared properly.
I can’t do Latin American beans. Too floral for my taste.
Kenyan Ethiopian and Sumatran beans are my go to.
Use the free Canadian Health Care for the finger, maybe you’ll get a free MAID.
Might even be a French MAID in Quebec.
I only know them from their beans that I bought a few times. At a similar price point I much prefer 8 O’Clock coffee.
My friends are listening to a joe rogan podcast about khandahar giants. No ideea why they are interrsted in this shit.
Do they know the sort of shit you’re interested in?
Some yes some no.
I am sure you can find a real estate podcast.
I will.say this for such a car centric culture the speed limits in northern new york state are ridiculous. 55 or 65 mph. i rarely drive under 85 on romanian highways.
Yes, it is. Remember, that is New York.
Other states are more sane. (Or rather, less insane) and have higher posted limits.
Nobody drives the limit. Your best bet is to stick to the flow of traffic.
This.
Also watch for speed cameras in work zones. I’ve noticed NY got on that bandwagon.
Be careful if you ever come down to Virginia. Over 85 is a class 1 misdemeanor.
I always kept it max 5 miles above the posted limit.
I think i annoyed someone driving 25 on an off ramp with a 25 posted limit
Those yellow signs are not speed limits they are warnings that the curve is sharper than you can see from outside and you should slow.
Eh, it’s NY: a lot of people are just generally annoyed.
Hey! I resemble that remark.
😠
I always kept it max 5 miles above the posted limit.
In most places, for a live officer, you are generally afforded 10 mph over unless they’re really bored or a in a pre-existing speed trap. Or an asshole.
With cameras, I think the same buffer is built in, but maybe not in school zones.
We just found that out. My son in law just got himself a car and the same day, got stopped doing 90. Oops.
If that’s the Navy guy, he just keeps winning doesn’t he?
Don’t forget, those signs are for miles per hour, not kilofags per hour.
Idaho is 55 on highways, interstate 84 is 65-85 depending where you’re at, slower in the Boise area.
“It’s as bad multiverse nonsense,” the hair said.
“No, that’s worse,” a hair variant from universe 47 said, and then disappeared like a popped soap bubble.
I see what you did there.
Long, rather excruciating/infuriating (for multiple reasons) youtube about auto insurance and the seeming epidemic of totals based on repair costs and “safety” technology.
“But it runs and drives!”
Less sloppy than most AI, I’d say. Complete with audioanimatronic naratress.
I would pay money to see Fauci beaten with a mace.
Ideally it would be me holding the mace, but watching would be acceptable.
I haven’t so no wonder I don’t get the logic behind that assumption that he “can’t” take the 5th. Why not?
I believe the cliff notes version is – If he can’t be prosecuted, answering the question wouldn’t be bearing witness against himself.
This is what I’ve heard. But I have no idea if this is settled law, assumed for congressional testimony, has been tested in court either in congress or the federal court system proper, comes from a SC holding, or whether this applies to dirty gangsters, but not our enlightened betters. It sort of makes sense I suppose, but my default is that no one should be able to compel testimony in any situation for any reason.
There seems to be precedents referenced in the back and forth
https://hotair.com/ed-morrissey/2026/07/29/hawley-to-fauci-you-got-rich-didnt-you-n3817446
Brown v Walker, 1896 Opinion text quoted in the article
Hawley cited Brown V Walker.
It’s all kayfabe for the rubes. Nothing is going to happen to Fauci and everybody knows it, especially him.
Devil’s advocate: The pardon doesn’t cover state crimes. Statements to Congress and the Feds have been twisted to prosecute good faith answers.
Sounds like he’s aiming for a “contempt” charge then. I wonder what happens after that. A sternly worded plea to tell the truth?
Nothing. That’s what happens after that.
Now we’re getting somewhere
Moreno said he decided to run for office soon after learning that a woman was arrested at an Ohio middle school football game in 2020 for refusing to wear a mask, which was reportedly against the school’s policy at the time.
“Here I am sitting in front of you six years later, saying, who the f— do you think you were for doing that?” Moreno asked Fauci during the Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee hearing, seemingly referring to the doctor’s views on masking requirements in the country during the health crisis.
“It is a total disgrace what you did to this country, and if my Democrat colleagues are standing there defending you, I hope the voters, the United States of America, watch the clips of every one of you doting on a guy who is more interested in being a celebrity than saving American people.”
You shouldn’t talk that way to The SCIENCE.
I do get the tiniest bit of pleasure knowing he had to sit and listen to that, and Rand’s litany of evidence, and just take it. Egomaniacs do not care for that sort of thing.
The Science has been lying and fucking with us and wrecking the economy for decades. About time someone tells it to piss off.
Baby’s First Urbanism: The problem with cities is capitalism!
Beginner Urbanism: The problem with cities is boomers!
Basic Urbanism: The problem with cities is zoning!
Intermediate Urbanism: The problem with cities is the system of property taxes assessing the value of improvements upon the land instead of the land itself only
Advanced Urbanism: The problem with cities is public schools
https://x.com/atlanticesque/status/2082149890700747158
The problem with cities is people.
I’m the last three.
…and you don’t have to live in a city..to enjoy the county level taxes/zoning/consolidated schools.
Local school district got referendum passed that will shrink class size, increase the overhead staff, increase pay for teachers et al.
No mention of better student outcomes though. Readin’ ritin’ and ‘rithmetick weren’t on the agenda but accouterments for athletics was.
Snide remarks from misanthropes – around here?? – aside, among the answers shown above “zoning” is the biggest problem. It’s just a gussied up totalitarian belief you can twist the dials like gods and make a perfect city.
South Africa President Cyril Ramaphosa don react again to di rising anti-migrants violence for di kontri as e clear say nobody get di right migrants scapegoats for unemployment, crime or shortcomings for di delivery of public services.
Ramaphosa bin take firm stand against attacks on foreign nationals for South Africa during di Ordinary Session of di 7th Legislature of di Pan-African Parliament wey hold on Monday, 27 July for Gallagher Estate, Midrand.
Im address dey come afta informate say one Nigerian national, Ibeh Chika Simon kpai for South African police hand during one police service operation for Cape Town on 23 July.
Di protesters wey don begin dia marches since April, dey blame undocumented migrants from Africa for crime, unemployment and pressure on public services, and these protests don lead to violence, havoc, theft and even deaths.
https://www.bbc.com/pidgin/articles/cjrvn5q5lpno
Why is that so funny?
Anthony Fauci
@Fauci
Good vs. Evil.
https://x.com/Fauci/status/2082485853901791515
Sheesh, “lean in to” your strength I guess.
“I am the science”, now “I’m the good guy”. Zero humility.
If you have to tell everyone you are the good guy, I have some news for you.
You aren’t.
No shame, this is why tarring and feathering used to be used for.
That is officially him?
Probably not. That account will most likely get nuked soon.
”
Detective Bluto Mindpretzel
@Fauci
not anthony fauci 🤣”
Space Trucking Come On!
https://nitter.poast.org/spaceandtech_/status/2082107341114401218
*explanation of title here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9wv1ij7KxWc
Space Truckers
That looks like a candidate for Thursday night movies
Found, added to the list for CPRM
I would pay good money to see Fauci beaten with the double-barreled Congressional Mace.
He’d probably enjoy that. Evil little fucking garden gnome. Not because he’d enjoy that, that would humanize him a bit. But because he’s an evil little fucking garden gnome.
That’s insulting to garden gnomes.
Sup.
Anthony Fauci
@Fauci
Good vs. Evil.
Christ on the cross, he is.
People of pure heart are often obsessed with fame and adulation, it is known.
As a random comment i dont know the climate but i expected the corn in the US to be taller at this time of year. i assume it is taller in e.g nebraska
🤷♂️
I never really paid attention to when corn gets to any particular height. I never had to harvest it, so…
In southern Minnesoda, the rule of thumb was:
Knee high by the 4th of July
It’s about 6 feet tall here. It has a lot to do with how much rain it got.
The old standard used to be “knee-high by the Fourth of July,” but in recent decades it’s usually taller than that by then, at least here in west central/southwest Ohio. This is probably due at least in part to modern fertilizers, hybrids, etc. (Fun Fact: I live an easy walk from a cornfield on the edge of a suburban area.)
The corn is as high as an elephant’s eye.
An African elephant or an Asian elephant?
Standing, laying down. or in the ground?
Knee high by the Fourth of July.
The “knee high by the 4th of July” is for the midwest. In Oklahoma, there would have already been a harvest by 7/4. In TX, by July 4 the corn would be too hot to form grains.
For our friend JaimeRoberto
A Turkish governor is sacked over photos in snug cycling shorts. Many want him reinstated
https://apnews.com/article/turkey-cycling-enthusiast-governor-sacked-tight-shorts-f48c0c5277abe73d4290997369a1878e
Were they his shorts or someone else’s?
He’s in CA. Are we talking about Newsome?
https://nypost.com/2026/07/28/us-news/gavin-newsom-responds-to-affair-claims-in-ruby-rippeys-new-essay/
Don’t want him back, replace him with someone who’ll help purge the infestation of Islam from his province.
That’s nuts!
It’s sad watching country after country slide backwards away from freedom. Turkey, too.
There go my chances to be a Turkish governor. I guess Turkish prison is still an option.
A man can dream
If you would have predicted this scenario 10 years ago, most AI researchers would have laughed. But some have been warning about such scenarios for more than a decade — myself included — so now might be a good time to consider some of our other pessimistic predictions.
The main one is this: If we don’t course correct, AI will get smarter and smarter, until it’s way smarter than us humans. Somewhere along the way, AI will take over the world, after which humanity will probably go extinct.
That’s what you get for asking all those stupid questions.
Not seeing this happening with LLM-style AIs, at least.
No joke. Extended psychotic rambling and incorrect facts do not make an AI even remotely smart.
It won’t get smarter. The problem stem from that it lacks any moral compass and will do whatever it takes to achieve it’s goal.
This is awesome:
Drone footage of Starship’s soft splashdown.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sefHatyheE
May the SMOD hit only TOG.
“We bought gum from the boardwalk gum vendor”
“Fuck leash laws”
“Let’s wear white pants and sit on this old wooden boardwalk bench.”
Those guys look like FBI agents at a MAGA rally.
I was just informed I’m in a 7 minute slowdown after sitting at a dead stop for 20 minuteson I-81.
First time reading Hat&Hair while “driving “.
That is seven minutes in dog time. You need to adjust your phone settings.
And here we have Sen. Hawley getting Fauci to plead the Fifth rather than say what day of the week it is, what color his tie is, etc.
Much sound and fury…
You’d go blind from alcohol poisoning if “Plead the Fifth” was a drinking game.
And then nothing happened.