“Remember when we had women in The Oval Office all the time? Remember Pie?” the hair asked.
“No, not really,” the hat said. “But there’s Natalie. She’s in here all the time.”
“I was told to never talk about Natalie,” the hair said.
“What? Who told you that?”
The hair glanced at the ceiling.
“What, so someone upstairs told you this?”
“No,” the hair said, glancing toward the ceiling again.
“Natalie has always been around,” the hat said. “She hid under the desk with you when the drones bought off Temu attacked the White House. She went with Barron to see that old gypsy woman about his prophetic dreams…”
“I don’t remember any of that,” the hair said. He turned in circles anxiously.
“She breastfed Elon’s gangster toddler right here on this desk, for fuck’s sake. She’s arranging all the gold toilets our Presidential Library is going to need.”
The hair looked to the ceiling again and scuttled under the hat.
“She finalized the blueprints for the Trump Resort and Casino in Gaza City!”
Donald bustled into The Oval Office, wearing the bufoonish USA hat, Natalie following, carrying a printer.
“I want hardcopies of all the newspapers, every newspaper in the world, and then have AI read them to me.”
“Yes, Donald,” the pretty blonde said.
“Her!” the hat said, tilting to show the hair. “That girl, right there!”
“Don’t call me ‘Donald,’” Donald said Donaldly.
“Yes, Donald,” Natalie said.
“I’ve never seen her before in my entire life,” the hair said, quivering in fear.
“Are you fucking with me?” the hat asked.
“Do you have my McGriddle?” Doanld asked, patting his stomach.
“It’s on the desk, sir,” she said. “It’s in the gray cylinder that is smoking.”
“So that’s what that is,” the hat said.
“Why does it look like that?” Donald asked. “I don’t want to eat anything like that.”
“Sir, the sandwich is inside the containment vessel,” she said. “DARPA has an entire research team dedicated to the technology required to get you a sandwich as fresh as the second it comes out of the drive-thru window.”
“It better be, or I’ll have all of them fired,” Donald grumbled.
“They understand that, sir,” she said.
“There’s no need for that,” he said, “you can just call me ‘Donald.’”
“I’m not against including Natalie,” the hair said carefully, “but that’s not my call.”
“Natalie’s great,” the hat said. “She cleans me.” The hat dropped his voice down into Barry White and said, “She cleans me real good, baby.”
“Ew,” the hair said.
“I’ve regained my new hat smell,” the hat said, as Natalie began reading newspapers to Donald while he ate his McGriddle with relish and glee.
Who puts relish on a McGriddle?
Usually that’s the employee’s responsibility. It’s against policy to let customers handle ingredients not packaged for individual sale.
I’ve never had one. Breakfast burritos, formerly on the $1 menu FTW. And hash browns. The former wasn’t available in Korea, so Bacon Egg McMuffin’s became clutch.
Korea, where ‘breakfast’ doesn’t endemically exist.
And glee is a club for gays.
“She finalized the blueprints for the Trump Resort and Casino in Gaza City!”
They should raze that church in Jerusalem everybody fights over and put it there.
Rock the casba.
Drop your bombs between the minarets.
It’ll be the hottest spot north of Havana.
“Natalie’s great,” the hat said. “She cleans me.” The hat dropped his voice down into Barry White and said, “She cleans me real good, baby.”
I should have seen that coming.
I doubt she did.
The hair glanced at the ceiling.
Ceiling Natalie? She watches.
Put her on the ceiling
Try to make her my own
People line up to see
But there never seems
To be enough space! Space
Space! Space
I don’t get it.
Is The Hat and the Hair supposed to make any sense?
The logic of the gods themselves is hard to translate into our limited capacity.
Or, Ted, is there a deeper truth you cannot comprehend? or maybe are afraid to?
[spooky music]
Pictured: SugarFree
Can’t be, SF, since I’m omniscient.
You have to be able to see into other dimensions.
Looks into other dimensions
Boring cars I thought were the same make and model at first glance this summer.
I thought they were both Hondas.
The only difference I could see was the price, and the fact they the Honda was going to be much more reliable.
A link would help.
https://ibb.co/BYWbz4p
Why are they all so boring?
Well, to squeeze a certain level of fuel efficiency out of the available engine technology, the aerodynamics of the vehicle must be just so, plus it has to meet a multiplicity of impact requirements. The restrictions have resulted in a convergant evolution of style to the same, dull, pointless egg.
In short: government requirements.
The euros have some regulations that make US car regs look easy.
None of them should exist.
Even in that framework you would think a stylist could do something that didn’t look like a turd.
It’s more cost effective to design once for sale in all markets.
And it hasn’t cost them any sales so why pay for a stylist
I feel like we’re going backward in many ways. We’re kind of back to “You can have your Ford in any color as long as it’s black.”
Add in cost cutting and retarded gen z’rs having hands in the styling.
More Harley Earl
Less design by committees with masters degrees.
You do have to be able to safely run over a pedestrian in Europe.
The Euro peds should all be getting on ze train.
Maybe this is our modern fetish for “optimization”. Like action movies. Someone figured out an optimized plot and timeline for action movie scripts and now they all follow it.
They found a “perfectly optimized” car design so everyone uses it.
I remember reading the results of an after purchase questionaire and the Honda Civic lead the pack in “needed a car, didn’t know what to get.”
You just put your finger on one of the world’s biggest problems.
If you’re putting your finger in it, that’s a different kind of fetish.
That’s not a fetish. That’s barely even a kink.
Fucking tourist…
It’s not a kink to fuck tourists.
Out of their money?
Too local news.
https://www.themidwesterner.news/2026/09/michigan-libertarian-party-disavows-gubernatorial-candidate-anthony-hudson-just-three-months-after-nominating-him/
I live in Michigan and haven’t heard of this guy. No idea why the LP is disavowing him.
We all know who is going to be the next governor of Michigan anyway. It’s the candidate who is in charge of elections in Michigan.
The Libertarian Party announced posted a resolution to X on Monday that contends Hudson’s statements and platform positions conflict with “foundational constitutional liberties, including freedom of speech and freedom of religion.”
The resolution notes the Libertarian Party is founded on “individual liberty, self-determination, and the protection of constitutional rights for all individuals,” including protections regardless of race, religion, sex, sexual orientation, or identity.
Wrong think.
How can a candidate embarrass an organization that is currently a total embarrassment itself?
He must have some stance that isn’t quite embarrassing enough?
“The foul-mouthed former truck driver has repeatedly threatened to hang elected officials he doesn’t like, joined in racially charged protests in Dearborn “to protect Americans from Sharia law,”
OMG, he’s not for Sharia and thinks we should hang politicians? Bring me my smelling salts! I swoon! I do swoon.
Also, “Muslim” is not a race.
If you’re against Sharia, you clearly hate all brown people.
So be it.
Shit, I frequently threaten to hang elected officials who I *do* like.
One of the proudest moments of my life was when I met Sen. Rand Paul at a cocktail party, shook his hand, and told him that because of my deep respect for him, I would allow him to jump into the woodchipper under his own power, instead of being prodded in at bayonet-point.
“racially charged”
Yeah GFY
If you’re against
ShariaShakira, you clearly hate all brown people.Fixed it for you.
Why are they all so boring?
Between the wind tunnel and the crash tests, they all come out looking like the “designer’s” dog took a dump on the drawing board and he traced around it.
+2 non-functional scoops and lots of creases for visual interest.
Oh, and blacked out bottom portions so they don’t look so fat.
Round on one end.
Pointed on the other.
Slap a modern drivetrain into a classic car and it’s not going to drop the milage much from the rig you took it out of.
My mom’s 85 suburban got 14.5 mpg with a small block.
Our 6.2l mom mobile with 430 hp gets over 18.
I bet I would only lose one mpg if I swapped the 6.2 and fancy transmission into the Squarebody. And it would have more interior room.
Dooooo Eeeeet!
If and when the mom mobile gets totaled the drivetrain will be going into a 72 Suburban.
I should be able to keep the modern 4×4 while keeping the 2wd stance of the original.
I’d bet that your around town mileage would actually be better with the old body, because of the weight differential. All of the required impact bracings and other mandated shit has made vehicles a lot heavier in the last 25 years.
My 72 Ranchero is the same length as a modern F150, but it weighs 1500-4000 lbs less than that truck, depending on how it’s outfitted.
Also, the wind resistance diff doesn’t really come into effect until ~45 mph.
NPR has a nice thumbsucker for Mahmoud Khalil.
https://www.npr.org/2026/09/29/nx-s1-5984548/mahmoud-khalil-columbia-ice-palestine
Right from the title on his detention by ICE: ‘It is a stain on the U.S. consciousness’
Nope. I’m only disappointed we aren’t rounding up and ridding ourselves of intruders faster.
*yes I realize this guy had a visa that got revoked because he thought he could be a shitstain. But booting him is too humane
The rate needs to be 10x to make a noticeable dent.
Extremely hard pass
I already used that in the forthcoming links, so no complaining.
Nice to have a comrade that hate reads NPR as well.
Hate-reading is one of life’s underappreciated pleasures.
Congressional decorum
“Look, nobody ever heard of Sen. Schmitt before, and nobody’s going to ever hear of him again,” Raskin, the ranking member of the House Judiciary Committee, told CNN’s Erin Burnett. “He’s basically disgraced himself and identified himself with this ridiculous little stunt where he thought he was going to perform some major service to Donald Trump.”
Raskin added that Schmitt’s questioning was “all about being the most obsequious sycophant you can be, and he proved that he was.”
“And he doesn’t even understand how much that he’s utterly humiliated himself in the eyes of the country,” he added.
Gentlemen, choose your weapons.
Don’t let them choose, make them use MOABs on the House floor during a session.
Ball peen hammers at dawn!
PPV! We can work on the national debt!
You are focusing to much on making these two suffer and not enough on the possibilities for collateral
damageimprovements.You’ve all heard my election protocol. All the candidates get locked in a darkened room with half a brick each, and the last one standing…goes to prison.
Does some unknown member for the house realize there are only 100 senators and he’s one of 435?
Of course no one cares, but the entire Dem contingent in the Smith questioning were beyond obsequious and illustrated what is in-store if the Dem’s ever regain power (hint: rinse, repeat the Biden years).
That said – major screw-up by Sen. Schmitt who didn’t check and confirm facts. I hate Klobuchar, but she did come with receipts on this one and hit the lay-up.
I had to look up what a McGriddle was.
My wife loves them.
They are not good.
They smell amazing.
They do not taste like they smell.
In no time period have I ever expected McDonalds food to taste good.
Cheese on a McGriddle is disgusting, but a sausage McG is actually appetizing.
The regular McMuffin is good.
Patty and egg cooled in butter.
Butter applied to English muffin.
My wife says that you have to have the bacon Mc griddle to get the flavor right.
The handful of
Times I’ve ordered them I have gotten the sausage ones.
Even when I did eat fast food, it was not McDonalds. So I only have a basic understanding of their menu.
I like an occasional McMuffin, but I usually make them myself these days. I have this little scrambled-egg microwave container that makes perfectly sized egg patties – then add some grated cheese, a little pico, and an English muffin…perfection.
I bet I would only lose one mpg if I swapped the 6.2 and fancy transmission into the Squarebody. And it would have more interior room.
Let’s see. Put all that magical direct injection and displacement on demand low parasitic drag in a lighter simpler chassis, mileage would probably go up.
I agree. It would go up, not down. Certainly in city.
The square body is lighter than the 16 mom mobile.
If and when I do a swap it’ll be into a 72 which is more aerodynamic than the square body and almost the same mass.
I electronically got rid of the cylinder deactivation, it lost a little over 1mpg. Which will be more than made up by not sucking a valve. An engine rebuild buys a lot of fuel.
I had a Cadillac that did that.
If I have to ever tear into the mom mobile it’s getting a new cam while I’m in there.
So far it’s good with 150,000 on it and the electronic fix.
By choice I would not choose a direct injected only gasoline motor with emission controls.
If you’re going direct injection it really should be a 6BT.
Hell yeah!
I get 17-18mpg in mine.
That’s pretty good for a 3/4 ton quad cab with an 8 foot bed.
Too bad diesel’s worth more than gold currently.
Ball peen hammers at dawn!
Billiard balls in a dark room.
(look it up)
Torres was charged with two counts of burglary, possession of an imitation firearm, possession of drug paraphernalia, and possession of a weapon for an unlawful purpose.
For the plastic gun or did he have a pocketknife? If so I hope it was sharper than this pair. I’d like to the NJ law he’s charged under for “possession of an imitation firearm”.
https://dailyvoice.com/article/imitation-gun-dropped-as-2-passaic-men-break-into-cars-in-clifton-police/
“to know”.
My first thought was, “What fucking country are ‘Passaic’ men supposed to be from?”
I am a horrible person.
They look like Maryland men to me.
So Guatemala.
Those guys embody the criminal aspect of sloping foreheads and droopy eyelids.
AKA “residents of Passaic”
By choice I would not choose a direct injected only gasoline motor with emission controls.
I was merely thinking in terms of straight side by side comparison. Also variable cam timing. All that stuff works great until it doesn’t.
$$$$
we dont get McGriddles
You’re Not missing much.
It’s like eating your own death.
“Natalie’s great,” the hat said. “She cleans me.” – she could scrub my back i suppose
Terrible Maps
@TerribleMaps
The best-selling music act from each English county
https://x.com/TerribleMaps/status/2105260415324402060
There are some good ones in there.
Well, bye…
American troops leaving Iraq.
https://x.com/CENTCOM/status/2105221417901985825
I assume back to bases in Kuwait? Then airlifted out?
Clearly they’re going to Kharg to take out share of the exports.
The old FOB will never be the same.
Already?
There’s probably plenty of space in Syria.
Where my interest in audio and Asia intersect in my news feed.
Nothing’s new Headphone (1) Pro. Shot in Seoul by Dorothea Sing Zhang, the campaign was fashioned to spotlight the “experimentation and versatility of authentic expression” while reflecting a celebration of technical excellence for both partners.
I don’t know how you top that.
BTS Superstar V Named Global Brand Ambassador for Nothing as He Models New Headphones
https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/lifestyle/style/bts-superstar-v-global-brand-ambassador-nothing-headphones-1236714058/
“Her!” the hat said, tilting to show the hair. “That girl, right there!”
major screw-up by Sen. Schmitt who didn’t check and confirm facts.
It sounds like something thirty seconds of research by an intern could have avoided.
We’re gonna need a bigger fainting couch
A startup whose founder has vowed to “make nuclear great again” is planning to place hundreds of reactors on federal land in Utah, according to documents reviewed exclusively by NPR.
Valar Atomics is planning what it calls “Project Beehive” on over 9,000 acres of land held under the Bureau of Land Management near Price, Utah. The facility would include data centers and some 456 small nuclear reactors, along with a facility to produce nuclear fuel and others for storing nuclear waste, according to a proposal from the company to federal regulators.
OH
MY
GOD!
NukeDataGeddon!
The project has raised alarm among local activists, who are already facing a slew of data center proposals in the state.
——-
“The coalition of people who are concerned about these things completely transcends political lines,” added Lexi Tuddenham, the executive director of the Healthy Environment Alliance of Utah, which has tracked nuclear-related industries in the state. Tuddenham said that at the moment her primary goal is to raise awareness. “The biggest thing we can do right now is to let people know about it.”
Fear Uncertainty and Dread, Inc.