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PART II
MAY, 1780
ST. JAMES’S
LONDON, ENGLAND
“M’LORD! WAIT!”
“Vickers! Did you come to terms with your mother already? So that you may come to terms with me?”
Celia did not think she could despise Judas’s façade any more than she already did, but flirting with the young bucks of the ton while she was on his arm was on top of too much.
Viscount Vickers flushed. “Ah … no, m’lord. Are you … certain … of this? You would not— Ah, that is to say—”
“Ah, Vickers, you’d not cheat me of a truly scandalous scandal, would you?”
The boy had to have paled greatly for Celia to discern it from under his powder. “I’d not want it to get out,” he whispered.
Lord Macaroni shrugged. “Aye, then. There are other arses to bugger.”
Celia nearly choked and was forced to cough to keep from laughing. She was still struggling when Tavendish turned his back on the smitten viscount and took her with him.
“Lord Tavendish,” she said without a trace of emotion. “Would you rather entertain the young viscount, please do not let me detain you.”
He slid her a look—one she could classify as a Judas look—and casually led her ’round the ballroom. A young countess recently delivered of her husband’s second child stepped in their path. He eyed her salaciously and then tittered, “Just awaiting the next gavotte with Miss Simp—I mean, Miss Bancroft.” He cocked an eyebrow at her and said, “I’ll come for you later.”
She giggled behind her fan and, with a disdainful glance at Celia, murmured, “But will I?”
He pressed his hand to his chest and pouted. “You wound me, my lady.”
Lord, Celia thought as he once again took up his flirtation route, she was going to explode—with laughter or fury, she did not know.
“Ah, there we are. Let us dance.”
She was quite certain she had lost all sense. Last night she was despondent, grieving even, and had decided to run, to get away from this monster of a man she wanted regardless but could not have, and tonight he was seducing her yet again without realizing it.
Laughter was his best weapon against her, did he but know it, as she had been laughing at his antics from the moment she had seen her figurehead gone. It was taking every dram of her abilities to betray nothing of herself.
He suspected her, even if he hadn’t quite rationalized it yet.
But perhaps he had …
It was her eyes, the only physical manifestation she had received from her mother. Of all the features she acquired from her father, she only coveted the one she hadn’t gotten: his sky blue eyes. Brown eyes were certainly not the most unique of traits and, in her opinion, rather clashed with her sun-drenched hair.
Judas had, many times, caught her gaze and held it, but had only remarked upon them once, however: You have beautiful eyes. Both Rafael and Talaat had found them as mesmerizing as Judas did, though Celia could not imagine why.
Now Lord Macaroni had noticed them in spite of her every effort to draw his attention away from them, as it seemed he was determined to keep company with her. It was almost as if he knew she was bamming him and had decided to wait her out, to play her own game with her, engaging her in a battle to see who would sink first—and she was as aroused as she had been the night she’d run the blockade.
She should not have attended this ball, but the temptation to witness Aunt Harriet’s rebellion against her husband was too much to resist. Harriet had to have ordered that gown weeks ago to have fostered its rapid duplication throughout the ton. Mary, however, had declined to attend, as she feared she would not be able to stop laughing and thereby betray her true state of health.
Thus, between Aunt Harriet’s war on Rathbone and Judas’s grand mischief, Celia was on the verge of bursting out in laughter.
But The Simpleton didn’t laugh, so Celia couldn’t.
Nay, this had been a bad decision, and Celia must think of a way to escape Lord Macaroni’s presence after this set, when, she was certain, he would bear her to the garden to find relief from his façade. His sister was engaged with her many suitors and seemed to have no intention of divesting herself of admirers to assist her brother.
Celia, then, would press upon her uncle for a return to Rathbone House as soon as possible. Certainly, the marquess would not be here at all but for his apparent need to keep a weather eye on his wife.
The music ended and Tavendish escorted her off the floor and, predictably, started toward the door to the garden. Before she could say anything, however, they were accosted yet again, but this time by a well-dressed man who teetered a bit on his heels.
“Tavendish! Shall I see you tomorrow at Gray’s Inn?”
“Oh, I couldn’t possibly!” Lord Macaroni declared in his preposterous whine. “Those poor beasts!”
The other noble’s lip curled slightly. “What happened to you, man? You were not so missish at Oxford.”
He leaned forward and flicked the man’s wrist with his kerchief. “La, did you not know? I was tried for treason.”
This time Tavendish’s friend did not try to hide his thoughts, and a beatific expression overcame his features. “Of course, Tavvy,” he said gravely. “’Tis well enough, then. I understand two years in Newgate can do … much … to unman one.”
“Ah, yes, you think me insane,” he quipped with a wink. “’Tis possible, I s’pose, and I’ll admit a tendency toward irregular behavior, but I am not certain of it. What I am certain of is that I have rather changed in my outlook since Newgate. I now simply abhor bloodshedding of any kind.”
Celia kept her snort to herself.
“Then you do not still fence.”
“I should say not! I am transformed, I tell you. A lover, not a fighter. Of course, if you should care to have a demonstration of the former—”
“No!” The poor man looked positively ill and cast about for any eavesdroppers. “No, thank you, Tavvy. And, ah, were I you, I should not speak of my proclivities so loudly and in mixed company, yet. ’Tis a hanging offense, buggery. But good to see you again.”
Celia watched him scoot away as quickly as etiquette deemed proper.
“Come, Celia,” Judas murmured with a nudge of his elbow into her ribs. “Smile. You cannot have missed the humor in that ridiculous exchange.”
Did she have a dagger, she would slice the earl’s throat. The only alternative to killing him was kissing him. That might raise a suspicion or two. “As you have not told me the entirety of the joke, my lord, I cannot truly ascertain the climax.”
“Gray’s Inn is—”
“I am aware, my lord,” Celia said. “Cockfighting is not an interest I would have anticipated you to hold.”
“Oh, it isn’t,” he assured her as if she had not informed him that she had already deduced that. “’Tis a game for lessers.”
Lessers. Men who could only bear the shedding of blood by animal proxy. Celia heard it clear enough, yet The Simpleton would not know that so she said nothing.
Tavendish sighed. “They are gadflies, Miss Bancroft,” he muttered somewhat stiffly, his amusement at having successfully baited an old school chum seemingly vanished. “Bored ones, at that, although that may be somewhat redundant.”
“You are not bored, then?”
“Good God, no. With the hundreds of other things to do in London? I shall squire you to a selection of them.”
“Why would you do that, my lord?” Celia asked.
“Why, Miss Bancroft, do you not desire my companionship?”
“Of course I desire you, my lord,” she said dully.
“Good show!”
If he were bamming her, he was doing a delightfully skillful job of it, and now Celia felt herself challenged by this game. Who would unmask the other first in the fortnight before she could get her mother and her men to Rotterdam?
“What should you enjoy most, my dear?”
Celia pretended to consider. “I think I should like the opera, my lord.”
“The opera it is, then. I shall call upon you tomorrow evening. Please be so kind as to invite your dear mother.”
If you don’t want to wait 2 years to get to the end, you can buy it here.
Pirates!
Friday Funbags after dark!
https://archive.is/YIEs4
NSFW.
You’re right. Those do look like fun.
Mojeaux – thought of you with this Rick Beato video:
Hiromi: The Most Electrifying Pianist Alive
It annoys me on two levels. 1. She speaks English with a fluency far better than I could ever achieve in Japanese. 2. As a person who studied the piano and realized just effort is required to be an amazing pianist, she’s an amazing pianist.
If you don’t want to watch an hour of interview watch the last 5 minutes or so where Rick asks her play something. She noodles around and sees a picture of the Beatles on the wall and proceeds to do Jazz variations of “Blackbird”.
The the thing that is so wonderful about her playing his the joy that the piano brings her is shared in her playing.
Fun flirtations and wordplay, here.
The powdering always seemed /seems so foolish, pish-poshy. Well, duh, but they looked like shit. Dirty, dirty people. After a night in *someone’s* hay, the powder-free faces must’ve been shocking. (Same-same, as now.) Hard to think of how dirty, dusty and caked all the clothes must’ve been. (I suppose easier to think of how easy it was/is to get *used* to it all. (It’s all ya’ve ever had. Meh?))
The fucking judicial wigs, still worn, I believe, are another gorgeous bit of Keepin’ w the (Barrister) Jones’ bullshittery.
Humans are such fun, predictable little creatures. ‘Gotta stay fresh w the times!’
The first rule of Butters – the most annoying thing he can do, he will do.
Awww adorbs
When he needs to shit, he will start biting the fuck out of my arm and attacking me until I take him. Which is approximately every 2 hours. For reference, when he was a ~6 week old puppy he would just sit in front of the door to let us know.
He’s available for adoption if you’re interested, Rhy.
Oof no, I am not a dog person. I only like other people’s dogs.
New story. Idiot was outside on his leash. He has this habit of jumping and attacking the leash at times like it’s a rope or game of tug-a-war. It tends to get tangled on him at times. Well, tonight somehow the idiot got his tooth stuck in it and it wrapped around his body. So he was stuck and freaked the fuck out. Yelping and thrashing about. I had to restrain him and pull it off his tooth and untangle him.
He looked shell shocked for like 10 seconds. Then proceeded to attack the leash again.
I think he could be the official pet of Glibertarians.com. A true asshole’s asshole with no respect for any authority.
On the biting, I can sit there and hold onto his collar like they tell you to do. I’ve done it for like 10+ minutes. They say if you’re going to do it, you have to win and they should stop after a few seconds. For over ten god damn minutes this mother fucker sat there and fought with me to keep biting (playfully in his dog-sized brain).
That dog owns you.
Clearly you’re not a first.
Is your vet of any help?
One dog we nearly saw a behaviorist about, before it died young.
Toxteth – he’s not *that* bad. I’m mostly just playing it up. He definitely needs more discipline and he definitely is one stubborn son-of-a-bitch, but it’s mostly typical puppy behavior as I see it. The problems I have are more of a human problem. The person who wanted the dog and picked him out is simply not wired to have a dog let alone a puppy. They had one docile dog at one point in their life and think every dog should or will be like that and it’s just not reality.
On top of that they’re OCD. Like come home and clean every day without exceptions for 3 hours type OCD. And then clean throughout the night. And into the morning before leaving for work. Combine that with an all-white apartment and a puppy on top of their general propensity for being dramatic and quick to anger and…well, it was all really predictable. And I warned them and tried talking them out of this.
You’re a goof Firster, Bro. Sounds many ways like our new pupper, right down to not wanting to foist them on the shelter so stuck, more or less.
We did go medication (trazadone) and it helps the missus.
Robitussin!
I had forgotten about the human complication.
Could you hire an athletic youngster to run him to near-exhaustion?
We have veterinary Trazodone too. Sometimes they even share with me. 😉
Good, not good.
For our pup, exercise wasn’t enough. She just had difficulty settling down even when exhausted. Or perhaps even worse when exhausted. She’s better now as she’s gotten older. At least that’s what I tell myself.
Forgot to mention: yes, a cutie.
I let the next to last puppy we had (a male pitty stray) chew my arm when we played He ended up putting my wife in the hospital with a broken arm. I strongly suggest you break that chewing habit pronto.
(The wife recovered fully, and the experience didn’t stop her from taking in another pitty stray (female breeder) who ended up being the best dog she ever had).
Merry Christmas and ’tis the season for Goes Wrong Show.
“President Trump is gifted a cowboy hat from the Miracle on Ice Olympic Gold Medal team”
Ruh roh…. Trump-O’s got himself a new hat! One of his biggest ‘accomplishments’ is, odd as it is, he’s by far the most ‘human’ Prez in my lifetime. (Well. I was *alive* for Reagan, but only kinda.) Clinton, sincerely, was a good ‘politician,’ good at the political showbiz skillset. Bur during *his* sex trials, he was a squiggly lawyer. Trump kinda just owned his.
This is refreshing. His ability to meaningfully chit-chat w journos while signing law after EO was.. highly impressive. It’s gotta burn Dems to be ‘forced’ to stand up for Biden’s pre-corpse puppetry. No way this ‘populist(!)’ style takes hole, cuz, well. He’s himself. Dammit. I purposefully never voted for him, but it *is* refreshing.
https://redstate.com/katie-jerkovich/2025/12/12/miracle-on-ice-team-visits-white-house-for-great-honor-gifts-trump-piece-of-history-n2197082
Trump is truthfully the most authentic fraud and shell of a human being I’ve ever witnessed. He is, in fact, himself at all times. For better or worse. Yet there’s no there there with him. He has no principles, no real plans. Just kind of wings everything. Lies through his teeth brazenly. His positions seem to be determined in large part based on who talked to him last. He is a complete fraud, but authentically Trump. He somehow believes every word that comes out of his mouth no matter how stupid or contradictory it may be.
It was noted throughout his first term that if the Dems had chosen to work with him, they probably could have kept their agenda going for the most part. He’ll make a deal just to say he made a deal if you propose it to him, blow him, and let him take credit for it. It’s a lot like how I understand negotiating with Chinamen to be. You have to let him save face and nothing else matters there.
It’s how despite his experiences being burned by the deep state he continues to turn back to members of it. The uniparty Republicans? Keeps going back to the well even after they fuck him. Yea sure he’ll appoint some outsiders this go around and then proceed them to run their agencies or departments the same exact way as an establishment prick would.
All fair points.
I’ll take it over the active, hateful evil practiced by every Democrat these days.
He also seems to be believe in the ideal version of this country in a six year old Santa Claus way. Or he thinks that’s what a president should act like so does it. Still better than the post modernist Amerikka sneering of the political class that has held the office or attempted to do so for pretty much my entire lifetime.
The fact that I repeatedly voted for this shyster fraud (who screwed people I personally knew) is an indictment of the people they ran against him (and at him).
I hate these people so fucking much.
They are the same people who miss the days of ten times more murders a year than now, and the days when Times Square was nothing but peep shows, and the city lost one million people in a decade and should have gone bankrupt because of all the “uniqueness”.
Hipsters were fine with Whole Foods until Amazon bought it.
I honestly never saw the appeal of Whole Foods. Trader Joe’s? I love that place. It actually offers something different rather than just being overpriced.
My tiny city actually has a Trader Joes but I have seen no reason to go there when the Wegmans is closer and much bigger.
When I lived in Buffalo, I liked Wegmans. But it’s kind of a typical grocery store. Nice, big, wide selection. But it’s a grocery store at the end of the day like Publix.
If you want a good cut of meat/steak, Trader Joe’s has it. I love their lunch meat. Even their premade stuff is pretty good. It is pricey, but I feel like you are getting value for it. Whole Foods in my (admittedly more limited experience) is just overpriced.
I think TJ’s is pretty inexpensive, or at least very good value. Can’t get everything there though.
Agree with you Toxeth, both on the selection and the pricing (at least for certain items. Some stuff is overpriced compared to the Shoprite just down the road).
But it was authentic!
/current resident
But the City was so much more vibrant then!
(same thing all my SF friends say)
I was a twenty-something too, a long time ago.
But then I stopped being stupid. I am constantly amazed at how many people carry their idiot politics throughout their entire life.
Dammit, are you in SF? I am here, right now, drinking Old Fashioneds and staring at piles of homeless poo.
Look at R.J. getting caught in all the tourist traps.
They made an Animal Farm movie where the it’s…an anti-capitalist story?
That looks awful.
There is a very distinct simple-mindedness to communism. It is a mixture of low IQ and criminality. It has a unique smell.
That ‘movie’ has the reek alright. Wow. I can’t wait to not see it.
Here’s a thought: We are the universe’s attempt to understand itself. Good and evil are real things, not just ideas. Distilled down to their most basic elements good is anything that furthers that understanding and evil is anything that hinders it. Evil is always based on half-truths and lies.
I have a relative that is a wonder to behold. She can justify anything no matter how twisted or evil using the most amazing pretzel logic and rationalizations I have ever seen. Yes, you guessed it….she is a huge Obama fan and thinks creepy Joe was one of the greatest presidents.
Also, I am babbling. I may have had a drink or two last night.
wtf is wrong with hotels shortsheeting beds?
?
Ya hanging in there?
Rise and shine campers. And don’t forget your booties, cuz it’s cold out there!…
That was on when I woke up. Seems rather fitting. Stay in, shoppers.
Well, I was going to sleep, but this Hilton property failed to change smoke alarm batteries and here I am listening to it chirp at 3:30 AM. I would repost my rant about smoke detectors but it is 3:30 in the morning.
Were you around for my Thanksgiving weekend rant about smoke detectors?
Short story: The one detector nearest the kitchen wouldn’t stop going off when I was baking the pie, so finally I took it down and put it outside. I put it back up Friday, made pizza for dinner, and had no issues. The “dead battery” chirp started about 2:00 AM Saturday.
A cool, crisp (-18) morning to start the day. A wood box full of birch will help me make it through the day.
Look for me at Walmart on Tuesday, it’s gonna be warmer. I’ll be the guy with winter clothes on. There are some folks, mostly younger, that still think that a car will always start, snow banks are for other people and they’ll only be outside for a couple minutes. I’m not one of them.
Happy national cocoa day, Glibs!
☕️🐓☃️
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDuUE89UgYM
🎶🎶
See, now I have to go make some hot chocolate. I might even have some marshmallows
There’s still an open cocoa box in the cupboard, been there for several years. I may need cup of that but it seems like it’s easier to rinse out the coffee maker that’s conveniently located by my desk.
There’s a cookie waiting, when you show up.
I received some novelty cocoa. I think thr cocoa is unpowdered– the instructions are to boil it in water for three minutes, add milk and boil another three minutes.
Good morning! From thr dedthred re: speciality spirits and cocktails, I can think of one that requires three: thr Slow Comfortable Screw Up Against the Wall. Are there any that require four or more?