“I have brought peace to the Middle East,” Donald said. “I have healed a rift and led Jews and Palestinians...

“Candace said that Charlie came to her in a dream,” the hat said. “When did you talk to her?” the hair asked....

“My Presidential Library is going to be so classy,” Donald said, “just the classist." “But it’s in Florida,”...

“I know they broke the escalators on purpose,” the hat spat. “The building is a dump, a dump,” Donald said....

“Dammit, Pam,” the hair muttered. “What?” the hat snapped. “She's talking about hate speech,” the hair said....

“I was the Epstein mole,” the hair admitted, whispering to the hat under the wailing of the press corps....

“Now no one can ever burn an American flag again!” Donald said as he signed the Executive Order with a...

“Bear witness!” the hat said grandly as Donald opened the vault. “Yay, a bunch of hats,’ the hair said with...

The hat rode Donald onto the stage, an enormous American flag behind them both. Donald smiled at the...

The hat and the hair’s phone beeped. A text message. and I’m here The hat groaned. The hair groaned as well....