Prologue | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20A | 20B | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25-26 | 27 | 28-29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35-36 | 37 | 38A | 38B | 38C | 38D | 39 | 40 | 41 | 42-43 | 44-45 | 46 | 47 | 48-49A | 49B | 50 | 51 | 52 | 53 | 54 | 55 | 56 | 57A | 57B | 58-59| 60 | 61 | 62 | 63 | 64 | 65 | 66 | 67 | 68-69 | 70A | 70B | 71A | 71B | 72 | 73 | 74A | 74B | 75 | 76-77A
PART II
ELEVATOR TO THE GALLOWS
78
MARINA WAS GROGGY when she awoke, her mouth sickly sweet, tasting of flat NuGrape. She licked her sticky lips. She felt something hard against her arm bone: a knot in a wide strip that covered her from shoulder to elbow. It itched, but she couldn’t get to it through the cotton and she couldn’t reach the knot. Even if she had scissors, she probably couldn’t cut the bandage.
She felt her forehead, not that she’d be able to tell anything, but it seemed cool.
A tiny sound in the corner made her lift her head. Trey was slumped in the chair slightly snoring, his bare feet propped on the footstool. His chest was also bare.
Her head began to ache so she gently laid it back on the pillow. Everything that had happened last night trickled back into her memory, including her wish to die. She didn’t, not really.
Or did she?
Heaven seemed so nice, so warm and loving and welcoming.
She was saved, so she wouldn’t go to hell.
Maybe Dot was right about her hell. That would be nice.
If it was just a black nothingness, then that would be all right, too, since how would she know?
Why was it so important to Trey that she live? He seemed to want her very badly, but why? He had nothing to gain by her presence in his life.
She let her eyelids drift closed again, and she shifted to lie on her back. She’d rather lie on her other side, but that knot would dig into her and make things worse.
It had itched.
She had scratched.
She puffed a laugh.
“What’s so funny, Sugga?” Trey said huskily as he sat beside her and felt her forehead.
“Most people’s problems,” she croaked, then cleared her throat, “could be solved if they didn’t scratch when things itched.”
He chuckled weakly. “That’s pretty damned clever. But then you have to ask, ‘Why does it itch?’”
“And figure out how to keep it from doing that.”
“There are some things, like a gash a girl got when her mama beat the tar out of her with a belt buckle, that can’t be stopped.”
Her smile faded and she sighed.
“Marina,” he said in his dead-serious voice. But he was always dead serious. It was his tone that gave her a measure of how serious. He was, indeed, serious. “You have to promise me never to try to kill yourself. If you feel like you want to, you tell me right away. Or you hold off until you see me again. Promise me.”
“I can’t,” she whispered. “I have been a good girl, a good daughter, all my life. And then I wasn’t, but I don’t remember being a bad girl. Then because of that, I got a baby, which I do not want. Then because of that, I got walloped with a belt buckle while being called vile names. Then because of that, I got married to a gangster, which I did not want to do. Then because of that, my husband thought of me as a loose woman and accused me of vile things. Then because of that, I scratched my sore like I always do when I’m upset. All because I just wanted to enjoy having a beau for a little while.” She paused. “That was all I wanted. A beau. For a little bit.”
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“No, you’re not. You got your speakeasy. You got me. I can’t take the speak away from you, although somebody else might. I can take me away from you, because heaven’s honest truth, I don’t want to be with you, but I don’t have anywhere else I’d rather be because I don’t have any place to go or anybody there to care about me.”
“I care about you.”
“I don’t believe you. Go away. Please. Go sleep with her. You said you would. Why are you here?”
There was silence for a long time. “If I took you to my grandparents in St. Louis, would you feel better? My grandmother thinks you’re the bee’s knees and maybe they can help you feel cared about the way you want. I forget you’re sixteen—”
“Seventeen.”
He gaped at her, then he cleared his throat. “Um, when’s your birthday?”
“Last week.”
He choked and dropped his forehead on her arm. His blond hair was coarser than it looked. “God, Marina, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean a word of it.”
“Lie!” she snapped, immediately angry. “You’ve always thought that about me because of the way I acted when I was drugged, and can’t remember. If I hadn’t been indecent with you—never mind I had to drug myself to do it—you wouldn’t have thought that. Chore or whore. That was my choice because I wanted to fix my husband’s problem and I liked it, but not enough to be worth this. So Mother was right and I’m just a—”
“No!” Trey cried. “No, Marina, please. I’m sorry! Let me take you to St. Louis. You can stay as long as you want, forever even, and I won’t bother you but please stay alive. Please.”
“I don’t want to!” she screamed, shoving him away from her with a sudden burst of strength. “I don’t want a baby! I never did! I hate babies! You did this to me! Barely seventeen with a baby and I never got to be a child!”
“You’re so smart and capable and well spoken, I forget! My grandparents—they can do that for you. They’ll love to do it. No responsibilities. You can be a child! Please let me take you there.”
“Would you let me give the baby away like normal in these situations?”
Trey gulped, but said nothing for a while. “Yes.”
“That took too long, so I don’t believe you.”
“Marina.” He sounded like he was panicking, but he didn’t do that. “You’re free to go. I will give you anything you want and let you go and I will keep our baby. If I can’t have you, I want to keep a part of you, a little girl or boy who looks like you. Just please stay alive! And find the happiness you want and deserve. I had to think of that, is why it took me so long to answer.”
Was he lying or not?
“I want both of you, but if I can’t have that, I’ll be content with our baby and the knowledge that you’re alive somewhere being happy.”
She did have her own money—a lot of it. She also would have her mother’s money. She did have a car. If she went to St. Louis and his grandparents couldn’t let her be a child, she could find a way to take care of herself with all the advantages of being an adult with money and no responsibilities.
She had met his grandparents only once, but they seemed like lovely people, delighted to welcome her into the family. There, like here, she would want for nothing. No responsibilities. All she had to do was stay alive while they took care of her, have the baby, send it back to Trey, then start over on her own without the financial worries Gladys had had.
“All right,” she said quietly.
“Marina, I swear to you, I do not want you to leave me.” He was dead serious. He always was. But so was she. She had to get away from him. “And so help me God, I will never have any other woman but you.”
“I don’t worry about other women anymore,” she said airily, suddenly tired again. “I’m the other woman in 1520’s life, the mistress, the side piece. The whore.”
“No!”
“Would you give her up for me now that your employees are safe?”
His face drained of color. His mouth slowly opened to speak, but nothing came out.
She nodded sadly. “I know. Go away. I won’t hurt myself if you just … go away.”
78
If you don’t want to wait 2 years to get to the end, you can buy it here.
Donations can be made here, if you so desire.
Thank you, Mo. This took me in many emotional directions, as intended.
I believe it hit me the way it was supposed to. Hrm.
the knowledge that you’re alive somewhere being happy
Now Trey is lying.
<– Waits impatiently for next installment
Trey needs Marina. Marina somehow believes that going to Grannies she can be an unencumbered child. She has forgotten or never learned that being a child means dependency on the care giver and living with the caregiver’s rules. Even grownups are not truly independent, they (we) have to live with society’s rules.
Poor Marina, growing up is tough, tougher when you’re pregnant.
Thanks, Moj, I’m waiting too.
You know, Animal, it would be very interesting to see what you and Mo could come up with if you collaberated.
No pressure, just very curious.
Did Ken Jennings really say, on tonight’s Jeopardy ,that it was “sad” to give up on socialism?
It hasn’t survived this long because it lacked appeal to a lot of people.
It’ll work if those in charge have to use a little more force, need some way to punish the non-believers.
If so then he’s not as bright as I thought.
Welp, I’m in scenic Paulden, AZ for the 3 day Tactical Medicine Class at Gunsite. The lead instructor is absurdly overqualified (over 20 years as a trauma physician for Marines and SEALs, with multiple deployments overseas, and not just REMFing, oh no); the assistant is a Marine who also pulled overseas deployments. I’ll do a full write-up later, but for now, just wanted to pass along their recommendation for tourniquets:
https://www.rapidtq.com/collections/tourniquets-1/products/r-a-t-s-tourniquet
I just ordered two.
Without too many spoilers, we spent the better part of the day learning to manage massive bleeds, for which Tourniquets Are Your Friend. Whatever you heard about them 10 or more years ago is, basically, wrong. They won’t result in amputation, even after being on for hours. They should be used on any major hemorrhage (of a limb, of course). One of our drills today was putting on tourniquets one-handed (both right and left hand, natch), while monitoring the instructor as an active shooter and holding onto the arm of a panicking child (actually, a pool noodle, panicking children being in short supply at Gunsite), just to give you a flavor. This one isn’t approved by the military, probably because the rubber core might not do as well at extreme cold temperatures (sorry, Animal, you should probably stick with the CAT windlass-style tourniquet), but it is much easier to use, which counts for a lot when you have seconds and are maximally stressed.
They did warn us not to wear clothes we would mind getting stained, as the exercises on the final day involve moulaged actors and copious fake blood, which apparently stains. While in active shooter scenarios with Simunitions and paintball. Who knew first aid could be so . . . invigorating.
Great class. More to come.
Keep it coming!
The changing guidance on tourniquets has been interesting to follow. Seems to me that risking a limb is better than a guaranteed bleed out.
Yep. I keep tourniquets and bleed kits in my garage (shop), side by side, and truck. Tourniquet on my chainsaw belt.
I haven’t taken their class but have read over the material and they come highly recommended for regular non-combat life
https://www.stopthebleed.org/
I keep several of tourniquets in my aid pouches. I like the idea of keeping one with the chainsaw. Mahalo for the tip.
I can’t wait to read this one.
#MeToo
The reason the RATS tourniquet isn’t TCCC-approved is because it just plain doesn’t work. RC, I would strongly recommend canceling that order and sticking with either the CAT or SOFTT-W. I’m also curious to know, who is this 18-Delta who’s recommending them?
It cuts off blood flow very quickly and decisively – I can personally attest to that, having had it on my arm and my leg. Having worked with both, I can say that it avoids some of the problems with windlass style tourniquets.
Dr. Temerlin could hardly have more experience with combat and emergency medicine:
https://www.gunsite.com/gunsite-instructors/steve-temerlin/
That barely scratches the surface. I’ll stick with his advice.
Tonight’s black pill courtesy of Neil Oliver – https://youtu.be/DsoLU_xXuTg
“Did you really think we want those laws observed?” said Dr. Ferris. “We want them to be broken. You’d better get it straight that it’s not a bunch of boy scouts you’re up against… We’re after power and we mean it… There’s no way to rule innocent men. The only power any government has is the power to crack down on criminals. Well, when there aren’t enough criminals one makes them. One declares so many things to be a crime that it becomes impossible for men to live without breaking laws. Who wants a nation of law-abiding citizens? What’s there in that for anyone? But just pass the kind of laws that can neither be observed nor enforced or objectively interpreted – and you create a nation of law-breakers – and then you cash in on guilt. Now that’s the system, Mr. Reardon, that’s the game, and once you understand it, you’ll be much easier to deal with.”
Radian bullshit. That is how Rand’s observations are described by people who are actively bringing her writings to life. Amazing to watch them openly do exactly what she predicted/saw in real time while they say “Dont believe your eyes I am not doing what you see me doing”. It’s almost like the annoying kid who puts his finger 1mm from your eyeball while endlessly repeating “I’m not touching you!”
They really need to be smacked down.
I was asked if my writing style has changed. I wrote my Thurs piece in an odd moment of mine, and I didn’t get past the first few paragraphs upon reread before I ‘had’ to stop.
It was far more staid than I’d have liked. I was writing in that mood, but it was a playful slap-reminder to myself. This wasn’t *for* the AP. Exploration, and expression of my thoughts should have been more ‘bedside.’ More relaxed. Clarity is paramount (when warranted), but my natural playfulness is a far more fun read. Still, I must be careful not to slip into more poetic realms. Ideas all pop-pop-popping, all the time, just need a lens to focus ’em when the time is right.
Not every ant can, or should, be burned. “Kill your babies.” ~ Kurt Vonnegut on self-editing,. Each thought isn’t to be forced in just cuz the author’s in love with ’em. Plenty often, though, those can be the most memorable, perhaps poignant, moments for the reader.
Apparently I missed last Friday’s installment. I was confused as hell and the links at the top of the post are missing 77B.
Having tracked down and read 77B, Trey is a dipshit. We’re still on “Elevator to the Gallows” so all I can do is hope that there is a giant redemption arc coming.
OMG THANK YOU!!! I totally forgot.
Mojo has groupies.
I don’t see how this could go wrong.
https://dailycaller.com/2024/04/05/blue-city-board-residents-sue-grocery-stores-closing/
I don’t think they’ve considered how that could blow up in their faces when retailers and super markets are forced to put into writing why they are closing in a busy metropolitan area.
They won’t allow it, 1A be damned.
And the next generation of Ketanji Jackson-Browns will allow it, because hate speech isn’t free speech.
Blowing things up is what they want. This is what it looks like in the end stages of demoralization of society. Chaos, insanity, confusion, madness.
That is the goal.
Look around us. Euthanasia? Really? State encouraged suicide?
Normalizing trannyism and pedophelia?
Open assault on family, women and children?
What we are seeing here is on par with cops sueing families for the cost of the bullets it took to kill their loved one.
Why only six months? Why not six decades?
Maybe they can introduce an ordinance that makes companies liable for choosing not to have a store in San Franshithole.
Oh, just give them time. I think the Obumblefuck admin took steps in that direction with the idea of ‘food deserts’.
Good morning all.
“Did Ken Jennings really say, on tonight’s Jeopardy ,that it was “sad” to give up on socialism?”
You cannot use facts or reason to argue with someone whose beliefs are not based on facts or reason. Sad? What the hell does that mean?
It’s sad that I haven’t found the genie’s bottle yet and been granted my wishes? It’s sad we can’t bottle unicorn farts and rainbows to turn into free everything?
He wishes the world was something it isn’t?
What a childish idiot. Children think their emotions mean something outside the context where they do mean something. In personal relationships feelings matter. Outside that they mean jack-shit.
It’s a good way to appear thoughtful and compassionate without really doing anything. The man knows his audience.
Good morning everybody!
🌄😎
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=G0gAxuvo5rc
🎶🎶
In browsing for my next audiobook, I ran across “an Audible Original Immersive Experience “.
It’s Orwell’s 1984 but adapted much like a radio play with a cast of actors, sound effects, music, etc.
Enjoying it so far.