“You want a baby that can catch and eat a mouse? I can find you a baby that can catch and eat a mouse,” the hat said, brimming with confidence. “I don’t want a baby that can catch and eat a mouse,” the hair said. “Why not?” “Because it’s gross,” the hair replied....
NYC Mayor Mamdani releases 9/11 records showing officials misled New Yorkers about air quality around Ground Zero New York — New York City has released more than 170,000 pages of previously undisclosed records about air quality following the September 11, 2001,...
“$LAPTOP memecoin will make us enough money to run for President,” Dark Cracky said, quivering with excitement. “I wish I had hands to rub together in greedy triumphant.” Hunter sucked another lungful of Cracky’s sweet cracky goodness. “You are very wise,” he said and...
DeCarlos Brown Jr. found incompetent to proceed in Charlotte light rail killing "I got that White girl." Thing that everyone should have known was going to happen happened. He'll be "cured" and released in under 10 years. (The federal case will go absolutely nowhere.)...
“Pussy,” the hat said. “You goddamn coward.” Donald had his head down on his desk and Barron was holding a cold compress to the back of the neck. “You’ll never be the King of Persia now,” a defeated Donald told his giant son. “I wish I had never become your hat,” the...
Taking the plunge – and marrying a river There’s something afoot in the woods today. Bubble-headed humanoid figures bump clumsily through the trees, making their way down to the water’s edge accompanied by flute and drum. Here comes Frog, with bulgy red eyes, followed...
“I got them jugs!” Bryon yelled as he chased Kristi through the house, his enormous breasts swaying queasily. “Fuck off, Byron!’ Kristi yelled, picking up a sugar bowl and throwing it at his head. She missed and it bounced off of his watermelon breasts. “Look at...
Top US Fema official claims to have teleported to a Waffle House before A far-right conspiracy theorist turned high-ranking official at the US Federal Emergency Management Agency (Fema) claims to have once teleported to a Waffle House. Gregg Phillips, who in December...
He’s back, it’s whack!
Lynnwood’s Olympus Spa heading to US Supreme Court after Ninth Circuit denies rehearing of case Olympus Spa attorney Tracy Tribbett Pacific Justice Institute, in a statement to the Lynnwood shared her client’s intent to file a petition to the U.S. Supreme Court that...
“You send me ova there and ah’ll take care of him for ya,” Lindsey drawled. The Oval Office was warm, uncomfortably close, and the man’s lilac scent was a cloying miasma. Donald nodded, resting his head on his hands, squinting at the Senator. He had no idea of what...
Dreamin’
“WAR!’ the hat yelled. “We gonna bomb those fuckers good!” “Do you have to be so bloodthirsty?" the hair asked. “Oh, here he goes. Mr. Peace. Mr. Don’t-Want-No-Trouble-Mister.” “Yeah, yeah.” “Bok-bok-bok,” the hat chickened. “I just don’t think we have any business in...
“Shake his hand, John,” Lump whispered. “We will need somewhere to go after the lunatics in the party drives us off.” “What if Gisele finds out?” John asked. “What, is she going to somehow hate you more?” The State of the Union scrum was loud and people surged around...
“Why did you let me get so drunk on that stuff?” the hair asked, miserable, perched on Donald’s shoulder like a parrot about to vomit. “I didn’t let you do anything,” the hat said. “I’m not your Cracky.” “I miss that guy,” the hair said. “We all miss that guy,” the...
““Fuck you,” the hair grumbled, lop-sided on Donald’s head. “What the hell did I do?” the hat asked. The hair said something slurred and indistinct and the hat glowered with his bulging hat eyes. “Donald?” the hat asked. “What’s wrong with him?” “I’m fine,” the hair...
SPACE KING! In the muscle-bound words of Warty Hugeman: It's Space Balls for Warhammer 40K https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lknNsZgzG1g Giving us this amazing meme: Forensics determine source of liquid sprayed on Rep. Ilhan Omar during town hall MINNEAPOLIS — Hours...
“They sprayed something on me!’ Ilhan said, distressed, changing her hijab. “What was it?” Sandy asked. “Does that really matter?” Rashida replied, helping Ilhan adjust her performative headwear. “I’ve had a lot of stuff sprayed on me, “ Sandy said brightly, “and some...
Barron Trump 'saved woman's life' by calling 999 as his friend was 'being attacked' during FaceTime call, court hears Donald Trump's youngest son saved the life of a woman in London by phoning the police when he witnessed her being beaten up over a video call, a court...
“But what is it, Father?” Barron asked as he circled the enormous model that dominated The Oval Office. “Greenland, Son,” Donald said. “It shall be yours once I wrest it away from the Swedes.” “Wrest,” the hat said. “Now that’s a good word.” “I told you the Word of...
In case you are not terminally online, this is the reference point for the last post: Can this be anything but a sexual fantasy? I actually enjoy this level of self-reporting through unhinged rant. This is one of the dumbest fucking slogans imaginable. What does it...
Just secret desires…
O garment not golden but gilded, O garden where all men may dwell,O tower not of ivory, but builded By hands that reach heaven from hell;O mystical rose of the mire, O house not of gold but of gain,O house of unquenchable fire, Our Lady of Pain! -Swinburne The wound...
“Do you want a tampon?” Tim asked, trembling. “Shut the fuck up,” Amy said as she pulled the black bag over Tim’s head. “Are you my mommy?” Tim whimpered. “I have to remove you,” “you aren’t fit to lead Minnesota," Amy said. "Look at me. Look at me. I’m the Governor...
"Hey, honey, you wanna watch something? What's on Netlfix?" The plot follows the story of Carla Antonella "Carlita" Rodríguez, a trans woman and the first trans miner in the Patagonia, an occupation vetoed for women. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Queen_of_Coal "Can't...